Before I met my “Mr. Responsible” a man that I deemed would be a good provider/money manager, in addition to a great confidant and companion, I ran into a couple of financial bad boys or men with unhealthy money mindsets.

If you are dating with the intent to marry, it is of the utmost importance that you pay attention to how the man treats you, others, and himself, when it comes to money, while you are dating. If you don’t, you are setting yourself up for a lot of uncertainty and possibly, heartache and financial misfortune.

There are many types of financial bad boys— over-spenders, moochers, and conditional gift-givers,—but my least favorite financial bad boy is the miser, who, by definition, is a person who is reluctant to spend, sometimes to the point of forgoing even basic comforts and some necessities, in order to hoard money or other possessions.

My Run-in With Maurice The Miser

I was dating “Maurice” for two months before I picked up on his miserly ways. He worked for himself and had managed a couple of well-established Hip Hop groups. After our first real date, meaning pre-planned and focused on getting to know each other, we spent subsequent dates running his errands, which ranged from returning salad dressing to Whole Foods to him scheming to buy a book from Barnes & Noble, read it in its entirety only to return it for a full refund the next week, to him deliberately going to a pizza place right before it closed so he could haggle for the price of a pepperoni slice.

But this was the last straw: It was around Christmas time. He said that he had a surprise for me. We were sitting in his car. In a little Macy’s bag that he handed to me, there was a bottle of Dolce & Gabbana’s “The One”, my favorite scent at the time.

I was excited and said, “thank you.”

“But don’t you already have one of these, though?” he asked.

I was a little confused by the question because he knew that I wore it. So I answered, “Yes, you know that I wear it.”

“Oh, so I guess you don’t need another bottle, then.” He took the little Macy’s bag, the box that the bottle was in and neatly repacked it.

“Here,” he said, “take these.”

He dropped three free samples of perfume that he had copped while at Macy’s that day, like loose change, into the palm of my hand.

Not okay for me. And NOT okay for you.

The Money Mindset of Maurice the Miser

For whatever reason—be it childhood experiences, cultural influences, or adolescent trauma— Maurice is operating from a place of scarcity. He believes that there is never enough for him, so there definitely will not be enough for you. All that he has in the way of possessions and money are just enough for him. He always feels that he is one purchase away from being homeless and hungry.

What Are The Signs That You Are Dating Maurice the Miser?

His scarcity mindset leads him to be controlling and self-absorbed. Not only that, Maurice is extremely vain, and ironically, loves to be lavished with gifts and flattery. To train you to simultaneously not want anything from him and to take care of him financially and emotionally, he has to manipulate reality through complaints and campaigns of suspicion: “Everybody wants something from me, but you are not that kind of girl, right?” “You are not that materialistic type of woman that expects that we have to go out all the time and spend lots of money.” He may even hide behind spiritual beliefs and political principles to cover his straight-up stingy and twisted ways of viewing spending and generosity.

And there begins the slippery slope, if you try to be what he wants you to be. You get stiffed on experiencing the fullness of love and life—which includes in the sharing of gifts and in the sharing of affection. With a Maurice the Miser, you are likely to exchange your juicy, plump happiness for a diminished and deferred life sentence.

And you don’t want that.

So, next time you sense you are in the presence of a Maurice, clutch your purse (and any loose change that you have) and keep it moving.

Have you had the misfortune of dating a miser? What was your breaking point? When was it time to call a “spade a spade?”