Have you ever taken a stand on something you felt was critical to either your personal growth, your success or even a worthy cause? Your commitment was probably unwavering. There was nothing anyone could say to change your position. Your mind was made up and you may have challenged anyone who challenged your thinking.

Related: Here’s how considering your spouse’s point of view can literally change your marriage.

Habits, ideas and values are hard to break.  Some are good for our souls, however, others can be damaging to our futures. There are positions some individuals in relationships are holding onto quite tightly and it’s damaging their marriage. Here are a few examples.

Are you unwilling to bend on the idea of traditional roles?

Women cook, clean, do the laundry, take care of the children, and maybe men only take out the garbage. Some of us were raised in environments where this way of thinking was the norm. As a result, some men enter their marriage with that mentality. However, they may have married a woman who grew up in a completely different setting.

If that husband isn’t willing to bend and help out his wife a little more in certain areas, that marriage will suffer. It could lead to resentment or even worse, affect the intimacy in the relationship. That wife will be too worn out for anything else. Our marriages aren’t our parents’ and in most cases we can’t expect them to be. We must be willing to set new traditions that apply to the current family we are establishing.

Are you a husband who is threatened by a wife who makes more money than you do?

This thinking can limit the growth and potential of your wife. Holding on to this way of thinking and not allowing a space for both partners to achieve their individual goals and pursuit of happiness will lead to regret. This will cause problems down the road and prevent this couple from experiencing a happy and healthy marriage because the focus is on the wrong thing.

Are you too needy and think your spouse is suppose to do everything for you?

Yes, they are to love you, support you, be honest with you and communicate with you. But they will also need you to be independent and be able to love and take care of yourself too. Some of us couldn’t wait to get married just so we could be taken care of. What we don’t want to happen is having our spouse grow old of this same routine. They can’t be your everything and no, they are not equipped to complete you.

Related: Check out these 5 reasons your man is tired of you and you don’t even realize it.

There is definitely some stinking thinking we’ve carried into our marriages and it’s hurting us even more than we realize. We have to let go of that individualized thinking the moment we enter into a partnership.

Not everything we thought would be good for our marriage actually is. So whether it is the need to be the boss or leaning too much on your spouse, you’ll have to rethink any ideas that aren’t serving your marriage. Making adjustments and choices tailor made for your union is always the best position to take.

BMWK, what position have you taken a firm stand on and how is it affecting your marriage?