One of the rawest life lessons I hope my daughter never has to learn from personal experience is, sometimes the person you love may be the largest hurdle you face on the road to success.
We are programmed to believe that love is always blissful and that our life partners should be our best friends. Ideally, we should be all-trusting with our significant others. Sadly, not everyone we choose to share of lives with will empower and uplift us to our fullest potential. Tragically, this happens more often than it should. While it can be malicious in intent, not every person who sabotages their partner’s goals do so intentionally.
If you are unsure if your behavior falls under the umbrella of “partner sabotage,” reference the list below. Here are five things you could be doing to sabotaging your partner:
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. -Ecclesiastes 4:9
The divineness of sacred unions is the safety they offer both parties involved. Love should be nourishing, allowing you and your partner to grow spiritually, emotionally and financially.
By introducing unhealthy competition into your relationship, you may be unintentionally sabotaging your relationship.
Do you find there is a sour taste in your mouth every time your partner excels to a new level? If resentment is the primary response when your lover adds another victory to their ever-growing lists of successes, you may be overpowered by partner rivalry.
When you have lost sight of your collective vision, you stop viewing your partner as your playmate and start seeing him/her as an enemy. This will eventually cause division in your home. The accumulation of accolades should be celebrated together.
Love is not about score keeping or racing to stay ahead of your spouse. You have to rid yourself of the mentality that suggests in order for you to win your partner must lose, or vice versa. You are a team, never forget that you are better as an unit than you are divided.
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. -Proverbs 21:9
Anyone on the pursuit of happiness knows this will be one of the most challenging, exhausting, time-consuming process any person will endure. The last thing a devote dream chaser wants to deal with is constant turbulence in their home.
One way you may be unintentionally sabotaging your partner’s goal is by constantly instigating arguments. The idea is not to overlook issues in your relationship, but to practice mindfulness.
If you know your partner is preoccupied with their goals (school, promotion, health and wellness, etc), try to choose your battles wisely.
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. -Proverbs 31:10
Nothing is more valuable than being gifted with validation from the person we love.
While you may not feel like you are sabotaging your partner’s success, slacking on the words of encouragement and praise may be stirring up doubt in your partner. Be premeditated about how you choose to applaud your significant other. Do it often.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, -Philippians 2:3
There is no greater relief than knowing that with your partner you can be free from unrealistic expectations.
Selfishly expecting your partner to tend to your every need at the expense of their goals is a form of sabotage. True support requires sacrifice and compromise. Knowing that your partner is limited on time because they are working toward an end goal yet still constantly pressuring them to give you more attention, may be causing significant stress on your partner.
Make sure you are not constantly guilt-tripping your partner or forcing him/her to choose between your wants and their dreams.
For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: ‘The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.’- II Thessalonians 3:10
Anytime one partner is forced to carry more of the load than the other, this can be detrimental to the relationship. At the height of personal success, gratification is heightened when you have a partner grinding with you. If you are not carrying your weight in your relationship, you may be unknowingly dragging your partner under.
Unhealthy competition, constant arguments, a lack of praise, selfishness and laziness are all ways that you may be sabotaging your partner. If you truly value their growth, immediate change is necessary. On the other end, if your partner is vandalizing your dream and they are unwilling to alter their actions, reevaluate your relationship.
True love is nurturing and if you are not blossoming in your relationship, pull up the weeds.
BMWK, are there instances in your relationship, in which you could be sabotaging your partner?