As Blended Families Week rolls along I hope that you’ve been getting some great information that will help you deal with the difficulty of a blended family. I also hope that you’ve realized that you are not alone when it comes to the difficulty of marriage and parenting in a blended family situation.
If you are not in a blended family and just would like to learn more about the dynamic, pull up a seat. As I mentioned in a previous blended family post here on the site one of the biggest threats to your marriage and your blended family will be outside forces.
These people that make up these outside forces are what I like to call, “fakers,” “haters,” and “deal breakers.” Below I’m going to break down the characteristics of each so you’ll know who to look out for. If you’re already in a blended family situation and have run into one of these jokers then you can just nod your head and leave a comment in the section below on my behalf””please and thank you! Now a person can possess each trait or all three so beware.
Fakers:
The fakers are the people who think they know what’s best for you and your family without having any idea of what’s going on inside of the four walls of your home. They are so concerned about the kids but it you look closer it’s easy to see that they don’t do anything that’s really in the best interest of the child. Since public appearances are all they care about, they are most vocal when it comes to telling other people what you’re doing wrong in your family but they won’t bring these same things up to you on most occasions.
Haters:
The people who fall in the haters category are doing nothing else but living up to the name. They hate to see you happy. They don’t want your marriage to work and they don’t want the kids being happy with a non-biological parent. Since that’s the angle that they operate from, they’ll do any and everything to disrupt your happy home including lying if they have to. You can never give into these folks.
Deal Breakers:
The deal breakers are the folks who want to put an end to your marriage. If they need to manipulate the children and put them in the middle, then so be it. They DO NOT want to see anything other than you getting a divorce. In their eyes children are just casualties of the war. They are straight ruthless so beware.
Now I know that you are wondering what you can do to keep these outside influences exactly where they are…on the outside. Here are a few tips:
1. Live your best life. It’s nothing that people who want to see you do bad hate more than you doing good. No, scratch that… doing great!
2. Never let them see cracks in the foundation. That’s like blood in the water for the marriage and relationship sharks. Often these types will use your children as a conduit to find out what’s going on in your home so the same goes for the children. If you know they have a biological parent, grandparent or whoever else that is against what you are doing, then your issues need to be handled behind closed doors. You also need to speak with your child and let them know what goes on inside of your home should stay there.
3. Only associate with these scrubs when necessary. Sometimes you can’t get around dealing with these types of people due to custody, bloodlines etc…but keep it to a minimum. Nothing good can come from people who plot on your family’s demise.
4. Realize that your children may just be acting out as an extension of these people. From our own experience and after listening to countless BMWK family members I’ve realized that when a lot of kids in blended families act out there is someone behind them pulling the strings. This outside person may not say, “Do XYZ,” but what they do is sow seeds of discord in the child’s mind. They make the transition harder than it has to be for everyone involved.
BMWK family have you ever had to deal with the fakers, haters and deal breakers? How did you handle it? What tips would you give someone in this situation?
Steffie says
Thank you for this great post! All the posts for this ‘Blended Families Week’ has been a tremendous help for me as I came from a blended family and I have my own now. Keep up the great work.
Briana Myricks says
I’m from a blended family and we’ve more than likely dealt with all 3! The advice you gave was dead on. You have to focus on your household and not the outside influences. Act as a family unit and keep everyone in the loop under your roof.