Are you a dating as a single parent and serious about finding love and marriage? You’re probably wondering when is the right time to introduce your kids to your new love.
If so, you’re a lot like the single father who recently asked me for advice. He has three children from a previous marriage and is dating a woman who didn’t have any children of her own. He’s been seeing her for two months, but he was starting to develop serious feelings for her and was thinking about taking their relationship to a deeper level.
“How soon is too soon?” he asked me.
Here’s what I told him: Before you introduce the person you’re dating to your kids, consider these three questions:
1) How old are your kids and how do they feel about you dating?
2) How would they feel if things didn’t work out with the new person and she went away? How will you talk to them about it?
3) How does your girlfriend feel about being a part of the kids’ lives since she doesn’t have any children of her own?
Bringing your family into your new relationship is going to change the relationship.
Your partner will see you in a new light. Watching you in “Daddy mode” is going to show her a different side of you than what she sees when you’re on a romantic date. She’ll likely imagine what her future with you might be like as well. So if you haven’t committed to each other yet, she’s going to have another experience with you that will affect her decision, especially since she doesn’t have any kids of her own.
Your kids also will need support in figuring out what role this person will play in their lives.
How often will she come around? Do they have to follow her instructions? Is she going to stay forever or will she be gone soon? Is this person going to take you away from them?
Introducing your kids to your new girlfriend will also change the way you see her. You’ll evaluate how well she treats your kids, whether your kids like her, and how she gets along with them.
Also, just because you’re “getting serious” it doesn’t mean this relationship will work out. You might change your mind about her 3 months from now, or she may decide she’s not ready to date a man with kids.
My advice for single parents on the dating scene is to wait until you are in a committed relationship with this person and you’ve been seeing each other at least a year. It’s ok to tell your kids that you’re seeing someone, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you need to bring this person into their world just yet.
Ultimately, when it comes to single parent dating, timing, listening and being aware of the feelings of your kids and your partner are very important.
BMWK: Are you dating as a single parent? Tell me, what’s your greatest challenge?
I loved reading this article because it fits right into my current situation. I have been with a man who I truly love and adore for 5 years. His kids live in Atlanta and we live in New York. He is making plans to purchase a house together and marriage. After 5 years…I still haven’t met his kids. He says his daughter is not ready! The real kicker… she is 19 and his son is 18! His ex-wife is behind this because she hates the fact that he moved on, but she knows that his kids is his world!
I respectfully disagree with the author of this article. However, I, find her introspection I wanted to be fascinating I would like to talk about my point of view.
it is my belief that you should seek balance at all times, if you deem your partner to be emotionally healthy and available; you should introduce your children to them because your children. as a single parent at least 75% of your time is focused on raising, providing, sheltering, and loving your children. you should bring the person into your life before you become too emotionally invested. Because if the children do not care for this person or it is too complex of a process to integrate them into your new blended family then you may need to consider moving on.
this is my personal reflection,it may not apply to everyone, but I think that it is best particularly; if you have children who have special needs or really do require a great deal of attention. Your significant other needs to know, fairly, what they’re walking into and that also allows you to learn to love them in a different light.
the icing on the cake is if they can rise and seek balance with you during a difficult moment and the children are accepting of their help this could be a great blended family in the near future!
I agree, waiting a year is too late to be introduced to a child and start becoming part of their life. 6 months is more realistic, especially if you are both looking for a lasting relationship.