This past Friday we made an appearance on CNN’s HLN network to respond to recent suggestions that black women should give up on black men by an author who is making the rounds. Below is the video of that conversation. Enjoy.
BMWK Founders on HLN What Matters: Should Black Women Give Up on Black Men?
Great job Tylers.
Wow…………….What a nice site!
They did a horrible job! THIS IS ABOUT BLACK WOMEN! Black women have the right to marry. Black men only want light skinned women-look at this site-the black women are all lighter than the black men they are pictured with-SICK. Black women have done too much for black men. Now they are openly putting black women down to others. Black women get real! Stop being stupid!. I have the right to be taken care of like a woman and have a father for my children that will provide and keep the family together. Black men go after white women all the time even when there are plenty of good quality black women, is that okay? Can black women accept attention and marriage from white men when there are not even enough quality black men? Sounds more than reasonable to me! YOU IDIOTS
In almost 4 years this is the first time I’ll make this statement: Your comment is stupid. If you can’t find a man I think I’ve figured out why. You hate black men, you hate black women who are lighter than you and in reflection to your comments it seems like you hate yourself. Run to another race of man and when he dogs you out I think you’ll come to the realization that the problem may be you.
Black women can accept whatever they want to but when women like you start to think that black men are your problem and another race of men are your solution then the true problems lies within. If you love who you want to love that’s fine but when you start thinking that white men are so much more supieror to black men then your mind is just twisted and the years of misinformation that you’ve taken in has just reached manifestation and taken over your mind. What would you say to all of the white women who have been beaten, used, abused, cheated on, lied to and divorced white men. Then what? Go find your savior because it seems that’s what you’re looking for instead of love.
Your statement is violence.
Im concerned for black womens wellbeing and with that of her childrens. I do not differentiate between lighter or darker black women, however everyone knows and it has been observed and documented that black men promote dating/mating/marring lighter women-you cant hide that fact with your slanderous accusations against me. As for me, attracting black American men is not a problem; its the fact that the quality of black men is not comparable with men of other cultures. Black women take caution.
Maybe it’s you and the black men that you attract…
My comment from the beginning was to black women. You don’t know me. But what we both do know however is that many black women are not enteringinto satisfactory relationships. You should pick up a copy of “Is Marriage For White People” and read about the statistics blackwomen are facing. Your comments are really made only to needle black women in general who think outside of the box. I don’t believe for one second you think I came on here to get advice from you, or that I would foolishly take it to heart. I’m only responding so that other black women don’t(take it to heart). I think I have brought this conversation to a point where black women can see what is going on. They will take it from here where they may.Ladies know this- you have lots and lots of pickings!! So choose wisely.
Uhh duh…we can’t give up! Love is wherever you find it…and that includes black men as well!!!
It’s so disheartening to hear about people like this getting the green light, and PR for garbage like this. We are having issues in our community, but it’s not just in the Black Man camp. We are all in this together. If we expect to make progress we need to take responsibility for each and every choice that we make. We choose to mate with the men in our community who won’t commit. We choose to ignore that we have to love and care for ourselves in order to be happy. We choose to coddle our boys who turn into men, who don’t know how to be husbands. We must choose to know and love ourselves. We must choose a partner who loves himself, and we must choose to work lovingly within our relationships. It requires reading, studying, surrounding yourself with people who have the same goal, praying, meditating, journaling, and dealing with ourselves. We are hurting and many of us have abandonment issues. We have to stop choosing the okey-doke, or else Men like this one will be right here to make us like the Native Americans, split up within all the other races.
Amen! I’ve been journaling, meditating and praying for my own character development recently and I was wondering if I was doing too much….guess I’m on the right track 🙂
Why is this on HLN?
Hell….to naw!!! (As Whitney Houston would say)… That is not the solution to the problem. You can’t help who you fall in love with, at least that’s what my parents taught me and they were married 51 glorious years before my Father passed. But, that doesn’t mean that we (black women) should give up on black men or not even considering dating them at all. Let’s stop this train dead on the tracks before the sequel comes out… Black Men stop dating Black Women.
How did this fooly wang get published?
Whitney Houston-yeah, wrong person to bring up. Look what happened to her marriage with that black man! Lord have mercy. The children suffer. You can help who you fall in love with-surround yourself with the type of men that are good providers, family oriented men that will ask you to marry them. Black men don’t ask for marriage-unless you’re a white women.
*rolling my eyes* – not at you BMWK – but just generally at the concept. While I think it is perfectly fine to keep all options open to any race I am not quite ready to “give up”… who does that?
I hate and am saddened to say the black race is done for. I live in Los Angeles and I know that what am im about to say might not register with those living in places with a larger black community….. Unfortunately living in LA I noticed black men aren’t even attracted physically to black women. My own brother for example won’t even date a light skin woman. Black men here don’t want to bring a black girl around their friends cause dating a black girl is a down grade. The new generation of black men are fighting self hatred at all new levels. Without fathers in the home more and more black boys are looking to the media for someoene to look up to. Those media figures are not dating black women and even openly degrading them in music (talking about light skin latianas etc). I know it sounds absurd but unfortunately black men are not physically attracted to us anymore.
wow…that is beyond sad Loren….girl, move to the East Coast…that’s just insane…
To be honest in L.A. is both black men and women. Trust me a lot of black men have been saying the samethings you said about black women. It’s just something in the air over there I guess. But come down where I’m at sista because there are PLENTY of brothas like myself looking for a good woman to wifey up.
I live in LA too and I can say that the black men that I know would still love a black woman. There are some who are very picky and won’t go for black women but I’ve noticed they don’t have their stuff together and don’t want to be called out by us. You can find a good black man Loren. They’re out here, just surrounded by ignorance and the media.
Great job!!!
Brooke said:
“…We have to stop choosing the okey-doke, or else Men like this one will be right here to make us like the Native Americans, split up within all the other races. ”
Finally, someone else who sees what’s really going on. I have learned that when the main stream (white people) start paying too much attention to the personal lives of blacks, it is time to be concerned. Very concerned. They have an agenda, and it is not in our best interest….
Their “agenda” are all the abandoned black children that result from the creations of these black men not marrying and providing for said childrens mothers (and by doing so the family). It’s not the governments job to take care of black mens children. Black women can’t do it on their own. That’s why even in nature it takes more then one person to create the child-DUH! Black women have taken the heat on this and are the ones who are looked down upon by the media. All while black men frolic about looking for their next sex quest. Black women you are free! So go and be free with a man who wants to marry you and build a good solid family.
You know part of the problem is black men are being put down by everyone. And if they can’t get to the men they sure do a number on the women. Like Malcolm X said “Who taught you to hate yourself?” This is an example of that. First it was your women aren’t anything but hoochies, loud, ignorant, etc. And now it’s your men are nothing but thugs, jail birds, lil boy’s trying to be men. Where does it stop? This has been going on hard since I have been alive. (I’m 22). I was really scared I was not going to find a black man worth a damn to marry and I am one of those women who really refuse to look at another race of man. I caught hell from everywhere when I started dating my now husband. I had teachers pull me into classrooms for interventions. “He’s not going anywhere but prison.” “He’s nothing but trouble.” “He doesn’t have aspirations to do anything but maybe sell drugs.” And if you think I was the only one being told this you’re wrong. He’s been getting told that sort of negative thing about himself since his Mama brought him to the US from Germany when she got out the army the first time. The thing is he is a very ambitious person. His dream was to join the Army and work on computers. He hopes to work for NASA one day and he wants to write code to develop a new class of biotechnology to help amputees and others with disabilities. He also wants to start his own IT company. Yet this was the young man I was being told to stay away from because he was no good and going nowhere but prison. This is that type of message that is so prevalent that our men and women are believing it and turning away from each other. This type of message is further corroding our communities and making our young men think what is the use of trying. Now those same people who looked down on my husband are looking at him in awe because despite what they said he is a BLACK man who has no criminal record what so ever, in a couple of weeks he will be a Sgt in the US ARMY where he works as an IT specialists and he has been married for 3 1/2 years to a BLACK woman who stuck with him and believed in him when nobody else but his Mama did.
I want somebody to come out with a study that shows how much work the US government did to destroy successful black communities, keep poor blacks poor, and keep the black middle class to a minimum. I want someone to include in that same study how much work went into separating black men from their families and instilling a perpetual sense of self hate into our communities. I took a sociology class recently and the professor had us look on this PBS site and the information of how much went into getting our community where it is today is astounding. Really according to the book that went with the class and was not associated with the site we should be worse off. Then I want someone to tell me if anything we see today should be a surprise.
Great Job Tyler family! I was listening to an interview with Louis Farrahkan who said, “A Black woman is more committed to a black man, than a black man is committed to a black woman (of all people he is making this statement 🙂 I do believe that, but I also believe in today’s time people whether black or white don’t invest in their relationships for the long term. When there’s a problem, somebody is ready to run or get out of the relationship. I also believe black women should venture out of their ‘comfort zone’ and date other races. I live in Wash, DC (used to be Chocolate City), recently went to the H Street festival and did an observation. All I saw were white couples and interracial couples (black men & white women), and black women were either in a crowd of their girlfriends or walking alone. I’m just saying…..we need to look outside of the box if we want a loving relationship to come around in our lifetime.
Yes, black women want/need love too.
Nice to see you on TV. As for black women giving up on black men, I hate that it’s phrased that way. If SOME black women want to ONLY date and marry black men then fine but there’s nothing wrong with black women dating and marrying non black men. I wish that dating/marrying outside the black community wasn’t seen as going against black men.
Go Tylers!!!! GREAT JOB n thanks for always representing for us in a positive aspect!!!
Honestly, as a Bi-racial Black identified woman I think we as Black women do need to open up our options. I happen to live in an area where I rarely see Black couples. I personally know 3. Not a day goes by that I don’t see numerous Black men married or coupled with white women. All the Black men in my son’s school are married to “white” women, I mean ALL. When I go out in the evening, wherever I go about 95% of the Black men I see are with white women, and I live in a city that has a lot of Black men. I have exclusively dated Black men, 1 Latino, since high school and after 25 years, I’ve stopped and have opened up myself to all men. I deserve and desire love and I refuse to continue waiting on someone who has no devotion to Black women.
I live in the UK and we dont have this type of issues here , well not that I am aware of(Thank God) Well, I guess I cant understand.
But, from what I gather, I think there are stereotypes on African-American Men and African American women are complaining about lack of their men nonavailability and are also encouraged o look outside their community….
Well, I guess the world in less than fifty years or more will end up with mixed race children…
it’s a year later, and i must add my two cents.
i gave up on black men a long time and i do not regret it for a second. i grew up in a town where black men were already indifferent to black women, especially dark-skinned women. i then decided that i had nobody but myself to make happy, so i decided to leave upon graduation, while my friends and other black girls were getting pregnant to take care the babies by themselves. and it was the best decision for me.
it’s now 2012 and things are no better between black men and black women. i wish the best for those holdin’ out for a bruh, but that’s out of the question for me and many black women like me.
trust, black women have to do what makes them happy. i opted to not pine after Black Love. i have me and only me to think of.
Did I miss the post, article, or TV appearance about black men giving up on black women? Or is that coming soon? Black women are always questioned, but we can’t address the black man like that since he’s getting attacked from every direction. Like black women aren’t. We’re loyal to black men, black children, and the black community in general before we take care of ourselves. Running to another race is not the solution. Neither is waiting around for men that aren’t concerned about you.
OK! I should not have looked at all the comments first and I do not want to listen to the video. Marriage is NOT dead and white people are not the only ones who should be married. White men MESS UP their wives if cheating and ignoring happens, Please, they chop them up,kill them and throw a barbecue.
Our world is ALL ABOUT SELF at this time and that may appear to be the thought that marriage is dead. NO one wants a mess. There is already regular baggage, bad baggage is when you know you are messed up and DONT WANT HELP. Then there are those that just dont think they have a problem, my brothers/siblings. Women mature and young who were taught by some old selfish and bitter heffa in CHURCH, that just cant get pass her husband cheating on her or who just really did not want to GET married. White people, as much as I have read and talked to many, the women HSTE their husbands, hate them, but they will many time stay because: they are driving expensive cars, dont want to work, and are afraid of looking lie tjey cant get a man. Do WE want to live like this NAW, but some of US do thesame thing. This is not called marriage, it’s called “What I want to do”, it’s called no matter what I dont want to live low and most of those type people DO NOT SLEEP WITH THEIR HuSBANDS or wives sometimes. Lord, habve mercy on all of us.
I wouldn’t say the black race is beyond repair, being a black male, I feel all races have their own share of issues back that is another topic, I can agree to disagree on the issue you are stating but drama comes in all relationship there is no perfect couple there are only couples who are committed to one another that have successful marriages, or relationships, we are flawed as a human race regardless of how successful or how much money we have but we can’t be judgemental, There are truly some good woman out there in the world that have good hearts and are waiting for a good black man, we have to do the searching, as it says in the bible a man that finds a good wife finds a good thing, also nice guys need to really learn patience it is one of our strong qualites without it we would be impatient and bitter willing to settle for anything.
As for the ghetto, dramafide (not sure if that is a word, Lol), loud mouth black woman out there we truly can’t judge them, example if you picture a young girl growing up in a not so good neighborhood who only had a single mom who was uneducated never had a positve male in her life to influence her was raised by television and the bad environments, you can’t really be surprise as to what they become when they get older. Some of these woman need a positive male influence who is nice and charming and not afraid to speak the truth. I have seen honest nice guys turn a so called ghetto girl into a respectable woman who learn the values and respect of a positive role model, now don’t get me wrong I said some not all, but really everyone deserve a chance, we have been so brain washed that we look at looks and body types, I mean we are men after all but we really should be looking at the heart.
I would so choose an okay woman with a good heart even if she has kids then a very attractive woman with no heart at all. Nice guys there is a time to be nice and at time to be honest, women don’t need a nice guy 24/7. We need to step up cause we sure are good at complaining about not finding a good woman but will not put the effort to give them a chance because they don’t meet our standards, really life is too short to be picky, now I’m not saying settle for anything but give them a chance you will know if they are good for you or not but read the book first not just the cover. Hope this helps any nice guy out there who truly wants to find someone and all the fake nice guys (please stop destroying our endangered species.)