Maybe there was something or someone from your past who hurt you or deceived you. Maybe it was your ex who would say one thing and do another. Maybe you and your current mate went through a season together when he or she “messed up” and lost your trust. Maybe you are so worried about the possibility your mate could make you look bad that you try to control everything he or she does. Maybe it’s this or maybe it’s that, but if you are still together (and want to remain that way), then you have to get away from your controlling ways and skeptical thoughts and get back to trusting.
Stop the insecurity and start believing in your relationship. Here are four things to stop doing TODAY, which will stop stressing you and your mate out and move that lurking dark cloud from over your relationship.
1. Stop checking cell phones
I swear it seems like cell phones are becoming the death of relationships. We spend so much time on them and because of that, mates have turned them into tracking tools for their partners. Every time your spouse’s cell phone is left unattended, you see that as your chance to scroll through the call logs and text messages.You’re trying to crack their pass code so that you can break in and find the ultimate treasure of evidence to support the stories you’ve made up in your mind about every WRONG they are doing.
You now have a master’s degree in “phonology” because you’ve spent so much time playing cell phone detective. Next thing you know, you’ve spent so much time trying to find something wrong that you’ve spent little to no time investing in anything going right in your relationship.
2. Stop stalking social media pages
Think about how much time you waste investigating your mate’s social media platforms. You want to know what pictures he or she has liked, who has been liking his or her pictures, who leaves heart-face emojis, who comments what, who has been hitting up his or her DMs or private messengers……just stop it!
This behavior sounds a little crazy and stalkerish, right? If you’re spending so much time checking up on your mate’s social media activity, how much time are you actually devoting to checking in with your mate? Stop focusing so much of your energy on who your mate is following and focus that energy on building a healthy relationship.
3. Stop invading your mate’s time away
When your mate is out with their friends or just out without you, don’t take it upon yourself to try and make sure you stay on their mind. Stop texting and calling them continuously only to see where they are and what they’re doing. Stop trying to get them to Facetime you, so you can verify where they are. Stop getting an attitude when they don’t text you back immediately. Stop sending cryptic messages like “we need to talk,” which will likely ruin their vibe while they are out enjoying themselves.
If your mate is out, let that person breathe, and stop stressing yourself out by trying to keep tabs. Use that space to have a good time on your own.
4. Stop trying to monopolize your mate’s time
Please stop trying to schedule every minute in your mate’s day. And definitely don’t schedule anything for the sole purpose of trying to keep eyes on him or her. Do you try to make her feel bad every time she wants to do something without you? If so, stop putting everything she likes to do in a direct competition with you. You know how it goes, when you say stuff like “well you always like to spend time with your friends more than me” or “everything is always more of a priority than me.”
Look, if your mate does a good job of making you top priority, don’t stress if he or she wants some time to themselves or with friends and family. The harsh truth is, no matter how much investigating or snooping you do or how much you try to control your mate’s every move, if someone wants to do something deceitful, they will find a way.
You can’t say you trust your mate if all of your actions say otherwise. If trust is truly the foundation of your relationship, then it’s time you act like it. By playing private eye each chance you get, you’re probably putting more stress on yourself, your mate and the relationship. Besides, if you can’t or don’t trust the person you are with…then maybe you shouldn’t be together.
BMWK,what are some things your mate does that seem controlling?