by Gwen Jimmere
Now that I am a marrried chica, I sometimes find it difficult to write about dating for singles. Frankly, I’m not in that world anymore and single dating dilemmas just aren’t at the top of my mind like they were before.
That being said, it got me to thinking about whether it’s feasible for married women to continue hanging out with their single friends. While I would never abandon my girls just because my ring finger feels a little heavier than before, you must consider that the priorities of the two lifestyles are–and should–be in different places.
As a single girl, I was footloose and fancy-free (as my mother would say). No one to report my whereabouts to; and if a guy started asking too many questions, he could see the door. In my mind, if he hadn’t put a ring on it, he didn’t have any say so about anything. Now that I’m married, I am blessed to have a husband who doesn’t try to control me. I still do what I want, but of course, if I’m leaving the house in the middle of the day, he’s going to ask me where I’m going. And I have no problem informing him.
But let’s say my single girls want to go to the club. If I’m the only married chick, should I go? I guess it depends on what you’re there for. Personally, I love to dance and even when I was single, I never went clubbing in hopes of meeting a dude. (I’ve found that trying to meet a man at a club is usually a disaster waiting to happen, anyway, but I digress…) However, some people do go in search of Mr. Right For the Night – and that’s cool if that’s their cup of tea. I wouldn’t recommend it, but hey, to each her own.
Would I want my husband going to the club with his single friends? Hell no. As a woman who has been single and been to nightclubs, I know how men act, particularly when they’re with their boys at the club. I sure don’t want that influence rubbing off on my husband. Now, we could get into a whole debate about how men won’t do things they don’t want to and if the wife is keeping it tight at home, he won’t stray–blah, blah, blah. That’s not the point. The point is do you really want your man hanging with dudes acting like they’re in heat every time a big booty and a smile walks by? I don’t.
When LaLa Vasquez married Carmelo Anthony, she continued hanging with Kim Kardashian and Kelly Rowland, who were both still single. Why wouldn’t she? They were her friends before she got married, why change now? Tyrese posed a question to LaLa insinuating that she needed to start finding married girls to hang with.
I kind of have to agree to a point. I do have many single friends, don’t get me wrong. But out of respect for my marriage and the vows I took, there are just some things I don’t do anymore that they’re into. Case in point: my single friend asked me the other day to go to a speed dating event. Umm….awkward. When I get together with my single girls, topics such as “This is our third date, should I pay or should he pay?” come up. That’s cool, I love to talk about that kind of stuff. But as a married woman, whether he or I pay is far from my frame of thought, mainly ’cause everything is coming out of the same account anyway. See what I mean?
My married girls tend of have relationship interests closer to where I’m at right now. I believe that marrieds and singles can coexist just fine, but I do believe there have to be boundaries. And the married individual has to be discerning enough know when to pump the brakes. Otherwise, they’ll be in for a world of trouble.
Gwen Jimmere is an award-winning and nationally syndicated editor who authored the relationship manual for young women, If It Walks Like a Duck”...and Other Truths My Mother Taught Me. She blogs about relationships, dating, marriage and parenting at The Duck Walkand works in social media/digital marketing.