“So when are the babies coming?” “Any buns in the oven yet?” “Y’all don’t have any kids yet!?” Every newly married couple has experienced this line of questioning from either a friend or family member. It’s cute at first… but as time passes it can move from cool, to annoying! For many couples who haven’t made that decision to have children yet, here are a few reasons why you should get off their backs!
1) They want to enjoy their marriage first!
Learning to be married is a transition. Whenever two become one, there is a learning curve. But in the midst of learning, it’s an exciting time for a couple! Moving in together and enjoying each other’s company without the interruption of kids is a great experience. Being able to travel without toting around kids or arranging for babysitters is an important time for uninterrupted bonding!
They want to sleep in on Saturdays and not have to worry about picking anyone up from daycare. They want to have sex without any children trying to bust in the door and they want to the option to have sex all over the house with no worries.
The stronger a couple can be bonded before children the better off they will be when the children come so no need to rush it!
2) They may not want to have children
Believe it or not, many couples now are choosing to marry, but have no desire to have children. Many times those couples are made to feel guilty for making that decision and they don’t want to be reminded every time they see you. As much of a blessing as children are, some people have decided that their lives won’t be incomplete without them. The kid conversation always becomes an awkward one when the idea of not having children is introduced and NO it’s not open for debate!
3) They may not be able to have children
For many couples having children has been a difficult feat and they haven’t been successful. After many years of trying and the emotional toll it has taken on that couple the constant reminder just resurfaces those feelings. Other couples have had miscarriages and lost babies and thus they have been on an emotional roller-coaster for years. For them, it’s not that they are stalling or that they are being selfish for not having you grands, nieces, or nephews. For them it has literally been a matter of life or death.
I get it! I know most times when people are asking about children… it’s not with any ill intent. Sometimes it’s a natural progression of conversation and sometimes mom really wants nothing more than to have a little one calling her Nana. Sometimes sister wants to become the cool auntie and sometimes your BFF wants to become Godfather! It’s all fair and understandable, but I just hope this gives an additional perspective on why you may want to give some of these couples a little break. I promise you that when they are ready or they are pregnant they will be more than happy to tell you and scream it from the mountain tops!
BMWK – We have debated this on the site before? Is it rude to ask a couple if they have kids or if they want to have kids?