By Marcus Whyte23
While at our 16 year daughter’s softball game I started to think about the rules of engagement and what happened to the girls when the umpire called them out. In a loud voice the umpire would say “out”, “strike” or “safe”. When he uttered the word “safe” the girls would cheer with excitement. When he uttered the word “strike” you would see the girls buckle down and get focused but when the umpire would say, in most cases with force, the word “˜out’, you would see the girls countenance change. The girls wanted to win and being called out would only hamper their cause.
With that frame of mind, I came to ponder the following two questions: When does an out really matter, and, Can your marriage survive an out?
By definition the word out means: to the end or conclusion; to a final decision or resolution: So to me the only time an out really matters in softball, is when the team you are rooting for is behind in the ninth inning and it is their last at bat. Prior to that last at bat anything is possible.
Call me down, call me out, call my marriage down & out; but please understand that when I am at my last at bat, I will be swinging for the fences and if the bases are loaded everybody will be coming home. You should go in to your marriage with the train of thought that if needed this game will go into extra innings. Do not go into the marriage looking to get out. Divorce should not be the first answer to every issue within the marriage. Before deciding to call the game; ask yourself some questions.
Start by asking the ones below.
- In my relationship or marriage what constitutes an out?
- Does lying constitute an out?
- Does infidelity constitute an out?
- Does lack of money constitute an out?
- What would cause you to declare an out in your relationship?
- How many outs would you take or would one out take you out of the marriage?
I believe that a marriage has innings and just like in softball sometimes you may be a head and sometimes you maybe down but remember, if you and your teammate put in the needed work there will always be another at bat for you. Before the team can take the field the fundamentals must be learned, practice time put in and sacrifices made. Winning isn’t winning if the team does not come out whole. Your marriage can survive an “˜out’ if you remember that you will get another chance at bat.
Marcus Whyte23, is a husband and father of 2, freelance writer, Certified Life and Relationship Coach from Akron, Ohio. He is the Founder of For Healthy Marriages, whose purpose is to re-engage and educate couples on the benefits of a healthy marriage. Follow him on Facebook page or Find out more about him at https://whyte23.blogspot.com/ or Twitter @whyte23.
I like this article and it’s baseball analogies. Understanding that there are more at bats certainly helps ease the pain of an out. However, all players have to come into the game with the same understanding of the rules of engagement. There may be times you are expected to hit a sacrifice fly to advance your teammate, times you have to bunt with the same hopes or times you have to swing for the fences. If each player cannot accept their changing roles, and are only concerned about their batting avergae, then those outs take on more significance. Gotta be in it to win it.
@ Gamal Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts ….you are so correct all players must understand the rules of engagement to “Be In IT to WIN IT!
I love that….
.-= Whyte23´s last blog ..The Game =-.
I like the statement, “if you and your teammate put in the needed work there will be another ‘at bat.'” That is so true a statement, it occurred to me that in baseball your team can stay at bat for as long as they want to as long as there are not 3 outs. The beauty of marriage is like you stated, you get to determine how many outs your marriage takes.
.-= David Patrick´s last blog ..Banana Pancakes =-.
What a GREAT post! For us new couples this kind of reminder and thought provoker is so needed for the tough times. If we can just remember these in the thick of things we can sit in our golden years and smile at all the hills we’ve come over. Thanks so much for this, good post.
But should these question not be discussed before a marriage? #Each couple should discuss what will constitlute the end.
But I agree, that divorce is too easy an option these days.
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I love the baseball analogy too! But what if your spouse doesn’t want to go to bat? You know its hard to keep going up to the plate with your bat and there is no pitcher. Understand that all games will have a loser. Those are the times you need great cheerleaders. Everyone is not privileged to have that. God is my cheerleader and He sends the Holy Spirit to cheer me on in my low times.
Thanks to all for reading and sharing.
@ Chandra you are correct that in life there are winners and losers, but your mindset and your reactions are the only things in life that you can truly control. With that said your mindset will determine where you come out when the game is over. With a positive mindset you will win, it may not be evident to all that are around you and it may not be immediately but over time you will feel like a victor.
When you stated that everyone is not privileged to have a cheerleader when they are down, out or at their lowest point, I would have to remind you that we are instructed in the word of God to encourage ourselves. Sometimes we are the only ones who truly know what we are going through, and how we feel so when we say to ourselves that it will be ok, we understand what that really means and what it will take from us to make it ok.
Understand that marriage takes work and it should not be entered into lightly. The relationship that takes you to the point of saying I do should be as honest and transparent as possible. This time should be as long as the two parties need it to be in order to address any and all issues that may be qualified as an out. Take the needed time to worked on, talk about, plan for and hopefully resolve the out before the game is on the line.
.-= Whyte23´s last blog ..The Game =-.
@Chandra…. I like what you said.
Often times I think people recite their vows but don’t really hear and take to heart what they are saying when they get married… If they can actually absorb the meaning of theses vows a lot of mistakes can truly be avoided… No body is perfect…I think sometimes we allow ourselves to be placed into bad situations when we are at our low points because we take our focus off the vows that we made a promise to keep. All marriages are going have their ups and downs…That is just the way life is but you have to have the willingness to hold your vows and keep your commitment….You as a person must learn self control and how to be in control of the choices you make… I will be the 1st to tell you my wife can really tick me off sometimes….but even when she has me ticked off to the highest I still hold on to my vows to her…What I find so amazing is that my wife is the only person that can take me to that level of my boiling point but I can still love and can be in love with at the same time…. She knows that I am committed to her and my vows as I know she is also… Regardless of how mad we are at each other.
Really guys we gotta stop letting the soap operas and the love novels tell us how to be married. Turn that TV off stop worrying about other worldly distractions that want to dictate how you should look at marriage… Know and feel the meaning of your commitment to one another don’t let outsiders come steal the blessing that you have together. You took that man or that woman and said you promise to love in sickness and health ,for richer or poorer…. forsaking all others and cleave only to one another…SO MEAN IT!
NOOO,Cause having time out,there must be something going wrong in you’ll relationship,and if it’s, time out is not going to help the relationship one bit,it only going to pull you all a part in the long run,because you giving each other to much space now.what you need to do is get together and figure thing out,by getting to the bottom line of what the problem is ,by just open up to each other…speak your mind,if you get time out,and get back together,Where have that problem went? on hold to it erect again, deal with it ,in the beginning,so it want come to time out…but if you need space,go into the other bedroom,or on the sofa,but whatever you do,don’t stay a night away from your husband.now another stories ,if you giving yourself,time out,going to a movies,or ladies day out that okay,you need that time for self,that understanding,also men you need your space,go the football game, hang out with the fellow”some time” but never apart for foolish thought…
My husband & I are teammates and I pray that we continue to COMMUNICATE with each other like we do today!!!! I luv my husband so much & don’t want to entertain an “OUT”! Lord keep us on track foreva!!!!!!!!!!!!