When couples decide to marry, there usually is an expectation and an overall plan to be happy. What they sometimes don’t anticipate are those behaviors that show up and interfere with that plan. One of the major contributors to an unhappy marriage is nagging.

Nagging is the persistent complaining, faultfinding and constant observation of what isn’t working or what your spouse isn’t doing right. Honestly, this behavior will wear your marriage and your spouse completely out. It simply does not work and is counterproductive to the goal of enjoying a happy marriage.

This behavior will wear your marriage and your spouse completely out.

Here are 5 honest reasons why it doesn’t work in a marriage.

Reason #1

Nagging shows a lack of gratitude. If someone is always focused on what isn’t working in their marriage, they probably don’t have very much time left to find things to be grateful for and that’s a problem. Relationships are precious. It’s important to shift that perspective whenever possible. Your spouse needs to know he/she is appreciated and that they do add value to your life.

Reason #2

Nagging will make your spouse feel incompetent. Who would want to feel as though they can’t do anything right? If the plan is to get your spouse to improve in a specific area, nagging probably won’t get them there. Effective communication and knowing healthy ways to make a request of your spouse will have to replace the nagging.

Reason #3

Nagging causes you to miss what’s truly important in your marriage. Time spent with your spouse is valuable.  It’s wasted when it’s used up with complaining and blaming. Couples who desire a happy marriage must focus on positive ways to contribute to the health of their relationship. That time with your spouse could easily include more love, romance, and intimacy instead of nagging.

Reason #4

Nagging affects your personal happiness. If your energy and attention are usually focused on what’s wrong, you can’t focus on enjoying what makes you happy. It’s necessary to think about your needs and your own peace of mind. You can’t be a great spouse if you’re unhappy. There are ways to discuss the behaviors that bother you, but nagging will affect you both in a negative way.

Reason #5

Nagging disturbs the peace in the home. It creates chaos and causes arguments and discord in the marriage. Nothing good gets accomplished in that type of environment. There isn’t a positive way to respond to nagging other than defending oneself. Your spouse will feel the need to fight back and that leads to the disturbance of the peace. Who wants that?

How to Stop Nagging

Couples, the solutions to nagging are simple.

• Start with improving your communication.
• Change your language and how you approach your spouse is key.
• Avoid using phrases that begin with “You always” and “You don’t ever” because it quickly puts your spouse in defense mode and you won’t get your desired result.
• Ask how you can support your spouse. The behavior that irks you so much may not be that easy for your partner to fix. It’s important to support them by being solution focused.
• Lastly, look for things to be grateful for and find ways to thank your spouse more than you criticize.

BMWK, what are the other reasons nagging doesn’t work in a marriage?