Having disagreements when you’re married is not only understandable, it’s expected. Even the happiest couples don’t always see eye-to-eye. Expecting that you can spend a lifetime with someone without getting into it is not very realistic. No matter how perfect a couple may seem, if they keep it real, they have their moments.
However, I think there is a distinct difference between the occasional disagreement or argument and having full blown fights all the time.
Typically, by the time you get to “fighting” status, something has gone terribly wrong.
And let me clear about what I mean when I say fighting. I am referring to the yelling, screaming, cursing, and verbal “hitting below the belt” that often takes place.
I am not referring to things getting physical. If things get physical the only thing you should be considering right now is how to get to safety as soon as possible.
Now, if you find that you and your spouse are getting into far too many fights, clearly there is an issue that needs to be addressed. So:
- How do you address the issues at hand?
- Have you ever tried to think about things differently to determine if there is a way to avoid the fight in the first place?
- Is there a way to have a calm discussion without letting things go there?
- Is the actual fight necessary or productive?
Here are 3 things you should consider before you even think about getting caught up in another fight with your spouse.
Are you really angry about something else?
Sometimes, we are quick with our tempers so the moment our spouse says anything to irritate us, we are ready to jump down his or her throat. But before you do that, just stop and think about a few things.
- What are you really that angry about?
- Have you been stressed out lately?
- Are you experiencing anxiety and trying to cover it up?
- Are you depressed?
- Is there some underlying issue you just aren’t able to address so yelling at someone who loves you a lot just feels easy?
Always being ready for a fight can often mean that you have quite a few things you are mad about, and most of them are not even related to the person you are about to fight. That’s simply not fair. Get to the true root of your emotions before you dump all your feelings of anger on one person.
Have you been taking care of yourself?
Sometimes our readiness to fight has to do with the fact that we just in a bad space.
- Maybe you are simply feeling run down and tired from trying to keep up with everything.
- Maybe you feel overwhelmed because life is dishing out a lot more than you can take.
- Or maybe you are actually suffering from some type of medical condition because caring for yourself has been the last thing on your mind.
Whatever the case may be, before you start fighting with anyone, think long and hard about what’s really going on with you on all fronts. If your mind, body, and spirit are out of alignment, fighting can often just feel easier than getting to root of your real issues.
Is anyone even being heard?
Fights are draining and they typically accomplish nothing but high blood pressure and an increased feeling of annoyance and frustration. The next time you are about to get into a fight ask yourself if it’s even worth your time and energy.
- What’s the point of fighting?
- Do you feel better when the fight is over?
- Do you feel like your husband or wife heard you?
- Are you any closer to reaching an end point that both parties are happy with?
Once you realize the fight isn’t worth it, you will begin to back off. Something will click which should allow you to see that there’s got to be a better way.
I know it may be hard to think so rationally when you are heated, but if you take the time to do this, I promise you will spare yourself a lot of headache and spare your relationship the damage that comes with fighting all the time.
BMWK, what are some things you can do to help avoid getting into a fight with your spouse?