Okay let’s be honest…if you’re with someone for any extended period an argument or two is inevitable. Sometimes the smallest things just turn into WWII for no reason. Emotions get high, things are said that shouldn’t be, and then a week later you’re still mad at each other. Let’s just say my wife and I had a little spat yesterday.  But as I look back at it, I realized how far we’ve come in HOW we argue or disagree.  We’re really maturing. And here are 4 signs we’ve really matured in the way we communicate with each other.

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1. You think before you speak

Lord knows as spouses we know just what to say to hit our mate’s hot buttons. Sometimes we want to go for the jugular and knock them out for the count. As you begin to mature more in your relationship, you will learn how to manage both your IMPULSE and RESPONSE.

I know there are times where I want say that one thing to set her off or make her “feel” it. But as I’ve matured, I realized that I shouldn’t want to hurt her just because my feelings might be hurt. I’ve learned how to walk away, pause and process before  saying the pettiest thing that comes to mind. At the end of the day, we should build each other up and not break each other down.

2. You are conscious of your tone

Growing up you always heard “sometimes it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.”  Well, the same still holds true as an adult. If all your disagreements turn into shouting matches, then odds are nothing is getting accomplished.

A raised tone in voice causes defensiveness and when two people are defensive nothing gets communicated. A calm tone quickly turns a confrontation into a conversation where you are communicating and not defending yourself.

3. You are able to admit when you are wrong

PRIDE is one of the most dangerous things in a relationship. When two people can’t admit their part in a disagreement is just drives a wedge between them. Most times in an argument both people contributed in some way or another but pride causes many not to want to admit it. In my disagreement with my wife I didn’t want to admit I was wrong but knowing that it’s bigger than me helped break down that pride barrier and I could then admit my shortcoming. Admitting it quickly tore down the walls and got us back on the same page.

4. You don’t stay mad for long periods of time

Pride also has a lot to do with how long you allow the tension and attitude between you to linger. Sometimes an argument that happened on Sunday is still lingering on the next Friday. In the meantime, you aren’t talking to each other much, you’re being short, and you’re lacking sweetness  intimacy. You are wasting valuable time being mad when you could be spending that time being in love. I don’t know about you, but my house is a lot happier when the tension is low.

Of course, disagreements will happen in your relationship. Two imperfect people together will result in an imperfect marriage that you must have skills to get through. Truthfully, it all starts with being conscious…because the more conscious you are the better you can control your behaviors and the happier your marriage will be. The more you learn to not let pride dominate HOW you argue, then the arguments become a lot less intense and a lot shorter lived. With maturity arguments turn into conversations, not confrontations!

BMWK – based on these signs, are you and your spouse maturing in the way you communicate with each other.