Disagreements happen to the best of couples. I find that love is an experience where you learn as you grow, yes grow. The same way we discover how to raise a child, or budget our finances is similar to how we learn to develop a successful relationship; basically, by trial and error.

Most of what I address here on BMWK is focused on helping couples overcome the difficulties they may face in their marriage. And these challenges are usually ones I have had to overcome.

Have you ever wondered why the road to forgiveness is sometimes so long in a relationship?  Or why, after you apologize, the relationship doesn’t seem to snap right back into place?

For some of us, we want to move forward and not dwell too much on the challenge we just experienced as a couple.

Especially after we’ve apologized. Well, that happened to me this week. Although it took me a while to see how wrong I was in a recent incident with my husband, I thought my apology would immediately clear things up and get us instantly back to a good place. I was wrong.

The Art Of Apology: Read how to make things right when you are wrong.

While the apology was received and appreciated, it didn’t automatically erase what I had done. This experience brought about a realization.  Asking for forgiveness is noble and should be sought when you’re wrong, but a few other actions have to happen before your spouse can truly forgive you.

Understand why your spouse is upset

Our partners can easily tell when we’re just mouthing words and not really sure what we’re apologizing about. If you aren’t clear why your actions hurt your mate, this same problem could potentially resurface.

 Ask questions, in a loving way of course, to gain clarity. You don’t ever have to remain clueless in your relationship, especially during conflict. Your partner will appreciate your honesty and the effort you placed into getting your relationship on one accord.

Recognize it pretty quickly, timing is everything

The moment you recognize your spouse is hurt, is the moment you take action. The longer it takes for you to apologize, the more your partner will feel as though they don’t matter to you. Put your pride aside and ask for forgiveness so your relationship can heal.

Don’t expect things to go back to normal just because you said “I’m sorry”

Your partner needs time to process your actions, consider the apology, and manage their own emotions. That doesn’t happen overnight. Don’t think your apology is a magic wand. Say it and be patient.

Don’t offer up an excuse with the apology

There is nothing worse than receiving an apology filled with excuses and finger pointing. It really doesn’t matter why you did what you did, all that matters is that you own it and apologize.

Be sincere in your apology

Don’t just apologize to get something from your spouse. Be genuinely concerned if your partner is feeling some kind of way. The best way to be sincere is to have positive body language and excellent eye contact. Your spouse is worth it.

3 Ways Forgiveness Heals You – Read them here

True forgiveness happens in a number of ways and can be healing to both partners. When we make our spouse and marriage a priority, the actions listed above will come naturally.

BMWK, What do you think is needed for forgiveness in a relationship to happen?