The majority of couples in committed relationships are pretending and may not even realize it. Some are pretending to have every aspect of their marriage under control with an unrealistic goal of being the perfect spouse. Love is an emotion that makes us feel invincible, and often provides a fairy-tale view of our relationships. One that is void of the real life ups and downs all couples experience at one time or another. Sometimes couples aren’t even aware that their upbringing and background will have a serious impact on their overall relationship. Not knowing there will occasionally be a struggle just to experience the same emotions they did in the beginning of the relationship, while trying to pattern their own marriage after ones they’ve seen. The good news is you no longer have to pretend. Having a very specific dialogue at the start of the relationship/marriage will definitely alter its course, for the better.

In addition to declaring love for your partner, you should also be very honest about this one simple truth in your marriage. There is one thing each of us should have admitted very early in our relationship, and that one thing is…

“I Don’t Know How to Be Married.”

The first step to addressing any issue, is to first acknowledge it exists. We learned relationships from watching our parents, or other loved ones. This isn’t always the exact blueprint for our marriages, because sometimes they too got it wrong. What may have worked for some, doesn’t necessarily work for all.  The same can be said for those of us who are parents. Sometimes we don’t know what the hell we’re doing. But in parenting, we will at least ask for help and search for resources, because we want what’s best for our children. Our marriages require the same level of effort. For some reason, in marriage, we tend to suffer silently.

Admitting you don’t know how to be married will truly benefit both partners in a number of ways. It reminds your spouse that some mistakes will occur. Although, they already knew it, it also reassures them you aren’t perfect, but a human just like them. Imagine that. Your truth might also help to set your partner free from carrying that burden. Initially declaring you don’t know how to be married will also provide the perfect opportunity to ask your partner for help. This can come in the form of making requests and asking for their honesty. This one truth also helps couples grow and improve together.

You may have thought you knew how to date, because dating was a lot easier and we were still working on maintaining that attraction. Marriage is different. We don’t often realize that the effort has to be greater. So, in order to get it right, you have to share where you’re going to require the most help. It is acceptable, as well as encouraging, to admit you may not know what you’re doing in your marriage. Sharing your personal ideas of marriage and what you learned from the married couples you witnessed as you grew up, is an excellent conversation to have with your spouse. All of those examples will play a role in our marriages, even if you don’t intend for them too.

Remember, owning this fact isn’t about making excuses, it’s about being proactive and preparing yourself and your partner for love success. The best way to do that is by sharing this one simple truth.

BMWK, is this a truth you should have admitted in your marriage?