You know I used to think I was crazy for thinking that, as couples, if we would just communicate more, we would argue less and love each other more. The more I coach, I realize that many couples have the same arguments and disagreements over and over again. Yet the very same communication that could solve these issues is often met with defensiveness, blame, and just more arguing.
Here are 4 arguments that you and your mate can stop having if you just take some time to communicate needs and expectations and then actually ACT on what you compromised on. Stop having these 4 arguments…..!
Arguments about finances
How in the world are you and your mate constantly arguing about finances yet you haven’t made a financial plan or budget? You’re mad at her for buying those shoes; you’re mad at him for spending money on that sports event or video games. But no clear-cut boundaries and expectations have been set about how you would spend your money.
Half of the time you’re just mad that the other person beat you to it and spent it before you did. In the meantime, the bills come and y’all are short again which causes another argument! Please STOP arguing about finances and START devising a plan with some boundaries and expectations. If you are in this “together” then be adults about the situation a make a plan TOGETHER!
Arguments about the kids
Okay. I understand that different people are raised different ways so they have different ideas on parenting. But is it too much for me to expect that before the child even came you had some discussions about how you would handle and raise the child?
Did you discuss discipline styles, schooling, extra curricular activities, etc? Now, while some of those things can’t be pre-planned, they can be discussed with your spouse as they come along so that the kids aren’t getting mixed signals and so that you and your spouse can stop arguing in front of the children about it.
Oh and please stop arguing about who is going to “watch” the little one because he or she is the responsibility of both parents. Simply put, instead of arguing about things concerning the kids, just have a conversation and come to an agreement.
Arguments about family members
So it burns you up when it seems like your man is allowing his mom to have too much say so in your household and you can’t stand the mama’ boy in him. You on the other hand are tired of your woman always telling private family business to her nosey sisters. You argue about it every holiday season yet nothing changes.
Related: Here are 5 marriage boundaries your family and friends should never cross.
Well if you want something to change how about you communicate about how you can become a united front as a couple? You specify what’s okay and what’s not okay as far as boundaries and then adhere to that. Wouldn’t that solve some of the chaos or is it more fun to keep beating the dead drum and be mad each other every Thanksgiving and Christmas?
Arguments about SEX
We can argue about men, women, sex drives, hormones and libidos all day. But the truth of the matter is that, as a couple, you have to OPEN YOUR MOUTH and COMMUNICATE about your sexual needs, wants, and desires.
Stop expecting your mate to read your mind and then get mad when he or she doesn’t do what you want sexually. Now this doesn’t mean that passive aggressive, confrontational,
“What you won’t do another will” type communication either.
I’m simply saying that we should want to please each other sexually and it should be about intimacy and closeness, not just about it being another task to check off of a list.
Related: Do you have emotional intimacy with your man?
I realized that I’m not crazy for thinking that we can communicate our way through issues we have within relationships. However, it only works if you and your spouse are willing to ACT on the plans you set forth.
I know you’re thinking “you make it sound so easy” or “well that’s easier said than done.” My response to that is IT CAN BE EASY and YES everything is easier said than done but we DO what we want to DO!
The key is that someone has to be the bigger person and bring up the topic and the other has to be willing to listen and come to a compromise. Arguments don’t have to turn into arguments than can start and stop with clear communication and action!
BMWK, Do you have constant arguments about any of the above?
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