Recently, I had a chance to check out the DC screening of the founders of this site’s new film, Still Standing. I have seen each of their three previous films and of course each of them were top notch. But this new film is “next level” times three or four!
When asked about how to survive hitting the “marriage wall,” one of the couples replied, “Push past it…” It was a sentiment that coincided with this very post that I had been working on, about what to do when we want to leave.
When You Want to Leave
I have a chance to talk to many couples through the course of a week and even a day. And the reality is, most if not all couples have, will or are faced with a fork in the road at some point, at least once in their marriage, where they have to ask themselves and each other, “Can we make it?” or “Should we end it?”
Perhaps, realizing that it is a place that countless others have been before can be a significant source of encouragement. So often trouble in any area of our life makes us feel like we are an island of hardship all alone. But the reality is, especially when it comes to marriage, every marriage faces difficulty. The very idea of marriage brings with it an understanding of difficulties. God takes two imperfect people and welds them together. So the perception of our marriage always being a smooth road is not plausible. And often the ingredients that go into our bad marriage scenario are not what we ever recognized were in our marriage. It was not until we got married that we realized the personality “rubs” of our spouse to the degree to which they fray our nerves as they do now.
Push Past…
Now that we see just how poor for richer and poorer can be, now that we realize just how sick in sickness and in health can be or how bad the bad times of in good times and bad times can be, what do we do?
We push past it. We keep searching for ways to accept each other where we are, and learn to love the person we have more than the person we thought they were. We confess the reality of the situation and in honesty we learn to love again – as a team. Excuses are plenteous, wanting to leave at some point, is common. But it is the committed couple that endures their share of hardship and finds a way to push through – together.
- Push through communication disconnections
- Push through bedroom tensions
- Push through points of inconsideration
- Push through financial strain
- Push through outside family interference(s)
- Push through infidelity
- Push through lack of trust
- Push through “it,” whatever “it” is, keep pushing each other to love more, to talk, to try more, keep pushing…
How about you BMWK, how do you continue to push through tough stuff in your marriage, when giving up is on your mind?
Click here to see the trailer for Still Standing.
Krys Talley says
I love this post. I was really disappointed when I learned I wouldn’t be able to make it to the premiere of Still Standing considering I was close enough to the event….but I can’t wait to see it on DVD. Anyhow, I really understand what it means to “push past” because so many times I’ve personally had to learn to just keep going and pray through instead of praying for. Thanks for this! 🙂
The Christian Chameleon
http://www.christianchameleon.blogspot.com
Lisa says
We’ve had more than our fair share of hardships…from being homeless, over bearing mother in law just to name a few and now there seems to be another hardship on the horizon but we have been through a lot together so I’m definitely going to keep pushing and praying because he its worth it and so am I. Thank you for the article very encouraging. Peace
Anonymous says
Krys thanks for sharing. It is a challenge we all have to face. Make sure you check out the movie – really good.
Bozeygirl5 says
You’re saying push past it, but you’ve left out the how to push past it. It’s one of the easiest things to do is tell someone to do something, but telling them how isn’t.
ROBERT Small says
ROBERT AND ROSEMAIRE SMALL. 3 KIDS 13,10, AND 7 TOGETHER 17YRS MARRIED 12 GOOD FOR 8 BAD FOR DOWN HILL FOR 4 INFIDELITY ON BOTH SIDES NO TRUST NOW WE HATE EACH OTHER LIVE IN A HOUSE SHE WEST I AM EAST KIDS IN THE MIDDLE (MY KIDS ARE HONOR STUDENTS WE TALK WHEN THE KIDS COME INTO PLAY WE BOTH LIVE AND DIE FOR THEM THATS WHY WERE STILL LIVING TOGETHER. WE TRYING TO MAKE IT UNTIL MY YOUNGEST IS 10 PRAY FOR US LOL. WE BOTH HAVE OUR LIVES IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. WE HAVE BOTH PUT HOLE IN THIS MARRIAGE ONLY GOD CAN FIX IT BUT HE HAS COME BACK TO EARTH. AT THE END OF THE DAY SHE FEELS I CAN NEVER CHANGE AND I FEEL I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE PROVING I CAN I’M NOT PERFECT. I GUESS I’M THINKING I MADE ALOT OF MISTAKES AND IF GOD BLESS ME WITH ANOTHER WIFE I CAN LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES DO BETTER AND NOT FEEL LIKE I DROP THE FORK ON THE FLOOR AND SHE LOOK AT ME LIKE A LOOOSER LOL. OLDER AND WISER DYEING FOR ANOTHER SOUL MATE (I SEE U !!!!!)
Beautifulone71 says
I saw a picture of a man doing push ups and his little toddler was by his side doing the same. The caption read “I thought about giving up, but I realized who was watching”. Its a pretty profound statement about our children emulating the things they see us do. Don’t let your children see and suffer because you and your wife are giving up. Its easy to tuck and run when we hit a rough patch in our marriage. Your marriage can survive, it can be revived like Lazarus was in John 11:40-43. First you must believe, even if you only believe as much as the size of a mustard seed and then you must do the work. You both have other lives? You should be one another’s lives. The more you invite other things and people into your relationship the bigger the obstacles to overcome become. If you want to restore trust, it will take time. Start with little things to build trust. (keeping commitments, being consistent in behavior, putting her needs first, getting rid of all the other things that keep you from one another). Someone has to be first. If not her, then you. Once you cant trust that one another are committed, you have a chance. If you don’t have a plan and vision for your marriage, it is sure to fail. Keep trying. I wish happiness for both of you and your children. I will keep you both in prayer.
Erika says
This is an AWESOME article… It speaks many truths about marriage and its ever changing stages. My parents have been married for almost 50 years and I pray mine last just as long. Many couples don’t see past the being “in love” and/the fairytale relationship/marriage but with all the complexities of life, that person you love so much will go thru changes and so will you. Great Article! Thanks for sharing!