My apologies, I hope that I didn’t alarm you! Please don’t be because you see the new wife is me. Let me explain. In January 2013, I was laid off from a 9-5 that I had been working for 17 years. For 17 years I clocked in for this company every day and in 2 different states. Through rain, sleet, snow, hail AND Atlanta traffic, I was dedicated to this job. For nearly 2 decades I served this cruel master, this 9-5. How it affected my well being, my marriage and life were never more apparent to me as they are now and my husband has made me realize this.
My job was a huge part of who I was. Its what I spent most of my time doing. I was a single mother for 11 years before I got married, and this job kept us fed during those lean times. I was a trustworthy employee often depended on to take on overtime and always being a “team player” in hopes of a promotion, plus chasing those bonuses with a vengeance. When I moved from Indiana to Georgia to marry my husband in 2000, I came with a job because they agreed to transfer me. My job was my life. My job came first. When I became a work at home employee for this same company in 2005 I felt so blessed because I thought that it would allow me to be here for my family…but I wasn’t really here.
Let me say that differently. I was here, but I wasn’t present. By “present” I mean mentally here and really experiencing what is going on at that moment in time. Physically I was here, but mentally I was always thinking about my job. I did not realize how often I was shushing the kids to take client phone calls, logging on at all hours of the day because my office was right there, working late every day to always finish up one more thing… I didn’t realize that I was putting my hopes and dreams on hold to slave for someone else’s. I didn’t realize that any of this was happening while it was happening. I thought I was superwoman and that I was handling it all, because no one was complaining. Boy was I wrong!
So, here I am today, unemployed and the happiest that I have ever been in all my days as an adult. My husband says all the time that he has a new wife! He says that he enjoys this calm, unstressed version of me. My children tell me that I am a lot calmer too (which makes me think that i was a maniac!). I am grateful that I’ve had a chance to be present with each of them at some point during the past 6 months. I’ve lost weight and rediscovered my gorgeous legs! I’m having the time of my life reintroducing myself to the people that I have been blessed to share a life with. I am at peace and pursuing my dreams (one of which was to write for this site!). I am more attentive to my husband’s needs and the emotional needs of my family. My husband has taken notice and it shows in his new reactions to me. Things have always been pretty good for the most part, but now they are just so much sweeter. I am his new wife and I am enjoying the new way that he loves me. I am free.
BMWK – Can you relate to the way the my job affected my life? Does your job affect you in similar ways?
Tascha says
My hours at work has decreased from 80 hrs to 26 hrs per week and my life is sooo much better. I make time to spend in God’s presence and to spend being a nurturer to my husband and kids. Before, it was finding time to chase that dollar—which did not produce what I thought it would.
Stacey Taylor says
Yes Tascha! You know exactly how this feels! Thanks so much for reading 🙂
Sharon says
I now exactly how you felt thinking the job was who you were. I’ve been that way for about 14 years now. Wanting to let go, but not really knowing how. I mean, our income is the means by which we live (although man shall not live by bread alone) money can keep a family pretty comfortable. My hubby wants me to stop working or at least work part-time. I’m pregnant with baby #3 and ready to let go (off the stressful job) but I don’t want to burden my family with such a decrease in income 🙁 I’m really conflicted about this, but I really have to learn how to trust God.
Stacey Taylor says
Sharon, Yes trust God and take your time. Decide what is best for you and your family before making any decisions. Blessings on your upcoming arrival.
marie says
Dont worry about making the right decision for your family. If your trust is in God to provide your needs then why are u conflicted? Lean on your faith…He is already there.
Keeshler says
I have been there.
Theresa Okwuashi says
After learning about strss management, I thereafter developed some useful strategies in coping with stressors/stressful situations. And coping with the above problem is not a gigantic issue.
Stacey Taylor says
Thats awesome Theresa! Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment 🙂
Aminata says
Thanks for this article! Definitely needed. I’m currently on a week vacation that was long overdue because my energy gone. I’ve been with the company for 13 years and feel unappreciated. they don’t care about their employees but $ signs
Stacey Taylor says
Animata, seems like thats true of most companies. Thanks for reading!
The Joker says
Even the companies that are “family and employee friendly” only care about generating the dollar. They don’t give a crap about the employee and their families.
Best Ecig says
Keep on working, great job!|
Anonymous says
Couldn’t the same be said for your husband if he loss his job. Shouldn’t he be striving to take care of your emotional needs and spend more time with the children and cleaning the home. The needs of taking care of the home and the children should be shared by both parents, not just one.