During a recent trip to my hometown Chicago, a fraternity brother planned a hang-out: dinner at a Mexican restaurant at Navy Pier with views of downtown Chicago’s skyline, followed by a boat ride on Lake Michigan complete with a fireworks show launched from the water.
Our evening began at 7 p.m. I dressed up a pair of jeans with one of my favorite button-down shirts. I didn’t have to considering I was heading to a tourist destination, but I wanted to. I was out on the town and I was bringing my baby with me. Because we were going to be on the water I suggested she wear jeans also. She chose a pretty white shirt dotted with colorful butterflies and a jean jacket to complete her look.
Fast forward a couple of hours: midway through the boat ride and prior to the fireworks, she was curled up in a ball on my lap, siphoning off as much heat as she could from me. Quiet as kept, I was freezing in my favorite button-down shirt doing my best to absorb the little amount of heat she was generating as well.
After an evening of holding open doors, paying for food, holding hands, fireworks and having great conversation it suddenly dawned on me””my five year old daughter and I were on a date. Not “playtime,” someplace where kids go, but legitimately out on the town where I would normally take my wife. I leaned over into my little one’s ear and told her, “You know we’re on a date, right?”
“I know, Dad,” she answered, calmly.
My night was made. What made it even more magical was the fact that my fraternity brother and another mutual acquaintance””two African American men and fathers, one with two daughters and another with his young son, were there doing the exact same thing. We bonded. Our children bonded. We all bonded and had a good old time doing it.
In my book DAD: As Easy As A, B, C – 26 Dos and Don’ts for Fathers, I stress the importance of spending well thought-out, quality time with your children. A father is the first “Man” a little girl should have, the first example for how a man should treat a woman. Although there is no way to ensure or predict the decisions our girls will make as adults, while they are still young fathers have the chance and obligation to show them how it’s done””before they get out into the real world.
Dads how and why do you spend quality time with your daughters? When you are out with your sons do you explain or show them how a man should treat a woman?
A shame there are no comments so far here given the subject matter….
Indeed! My name is Ms. Ele’ and Your article was profound…
Put it in a book and many will not see it because most do not read that which is important!
People eventually did respond, but it took some time. Sadly not too many guys stepped up to answer and I know they are out there. Maybe next time.
A shame there are no comments so far here given the subject matter….
I absolutely love this! As a young woman who never grew up with that, I can appreciate so much hearing from men who take pride in it. My male friend has a son close to the same age as mine. Neither one of us have girls, but I take pride in knowing the example he sets on how to treat a lady. When I’m with him chivalry is never dead & I appreciate being treated like a princess. All daughters hopefully will experience this one day form their dad or significant other. Good men are indeed a blessing from God.
I absolutely love this! As a young woman who never grew up with that, I can appreciate so much hearing from men who take pride in it. My male friend has a son close to the same age as mine. Neither one of us have girls, but I take pride in knowing the example he sets on how to treat a lady. When I’m with him chivalry is never dead & I appreciate being treated like a princess. All daughters hopefully will experience this one day form their dad or significant other. Good men are indeed a blessing from God.
I agree that it is a shame there aren’t more comments. I want to applaud you for understanding the importance of being your daughter’s first “date”. This article reminds me of a quote that I read once: “When a girl’s first date is with her father, all other men must measure up.” Coming from someone who works with young ladies every day (as a sex education teacher), I can tell you that MANY of the poor decisions that young ladies are making in relationships are a result of the fact that they are looking for teenage boys to give them what they should have gotten from their fathers (love and validation). Kudos to you for the work that you do
I agree that it is a shame there aren’t more comments. I want to applaud you for understanding the importance of being your daughter’s first “date”. This article reminds me of a quote that I read once: “When a girl’s first date is with her father, all other men must measure up.” Coming from someone who works with young ladies every day (as a sex education teacher), I can tell you that MANY of the poor decisions that young ladies are making in relationships are a result of the fact that they are looking for teenage boys to give them what they should have gotten from their fathers (love and validation). Kudos to you for the work that you do
This article brought tears to my eyes. God has broken my heart, as His is, for the Fatherless. I wholeheartedly believe that most of society’s woes can be traced back to fatherlessness. I grew up without my father around and still suffer from the residual effects of his absence. If it were not for my relationship with my HEAVENLY FATHER, I’m condfident I would have self-destructed a long time ago. I am profoundly blessed to have married a man who was raised by a strong, yet tenderhearted man – who was also raised by the same. We have a daughter who is almost 6 years old and she is madly in love with her Daddy. I agree with everything that you shared in this article. Please don’t allow the lack of response to discourage you. Keep sharing the light and love; you’ll never know this side of heaven the impact you may have had on someone. God bless you.
This article brought tears to my eyes. God has broken my heart, as His is, for the Fatherless. I wholeheartedly believe that most of society’s woes can be traced back to fatherlessness. I grew up without my father around and still suffer from the residual effects of his absence. If it were not for my relationship with my HEAVENLY FATHER, I’m condfident I would have self-destructed a long time ago. I am profoundly blessed to have married a man who was raised by a strong, yet tenderhearted man – who was also raised by the same. We have a daughter who is almost 6 years old and she is madly in love with her Daddy. I agree with everything that you shared in this article. Please don’t allow the lack of response to discourage you. Keep sharing the light and love; you’ll never know this side of heaven the impact you may have had on someone. God bless you.
Oh no not at all. I’m not discouraged at all, but rather disappointed as this is the perfect forum for us DADS to speak up and let our voices be heard. You can read me here: https://www.makesmewannaholler.com to read first hand my daily advocacy of involved fatherhood.
Thank you for your transparency and I’m sorry for the human absence of a father in your life. It seems you have been repaid in dividends for your steadfastness. The cycle has been broken. Thank God.
Peace
Oh no not at all. I’m not discouraged at all, but rather disappointed as this is the perfect forum for us DADS to speak up and let our voices be heard. You can read me here: https://www.makesmewannaholler.com to read first hand my daily advocacy of involved fatherhood.
Thank you for your transparency and I’m sorry for the human absence of a father in your life. It seems you have been repaid in dividends for your steadfastness. The cycle has been broken. Thank God.
Peace
This is wonderful, A dad showing his children to Love and how to be loved. Doing this together with other men makes it even more special .
This is wonderful, A dad showing his children to Love and how to be loved. Doing this together with other men makes it even more special .
I enjoyed this article because my father has always been the sparkle of my eyes. He took me to the Micheal Jackson concert when I was around 7 or 8 and he said I screamed an wooed with the best of them. My father will be 76 in November and I am 48. As I reflect on my life my Daddy has always been there rendering advice solicited and non-solicited. Enjoy your children and set the standards High for their future
I enjoyed this article because my father has always been the sparkle of my eyes. He took me to the Micheal Jackson concert when I was around 7 or 8 and he said I screamed an wooed with the best of them. My father will be 76 in November and I am 48. As I reflect on my life my Daddy has always been there rendering advice solicited and non-solicited. Enjoy your children and set the standards High for their future
Wonderful article. Dad’s are the first and most important role models our kids will ever meet.
Wonderful article. Dad’s are the first and most important role models our kids will ever meet.
I Love it!….All that I would like to add is that the father should also treat his daughter’s “mother” with respect. That’s also “important” for them to see. Even if the parents are divorced or split up and not on “good terms”. That’s were the “sacraficing” as a parent comes into play. Putting the child’s well being and happiness over yours.
I Love it!….All that I would like to add is that the father should also treat his daughter’s “mother” with respect. That’s also “important” for them to see. Even if the parents are divorced or split up and not on “good terms”. That’s were the “sacraficing” as a parent comes into play. Putting the child’s well being and happiness over yours.
This was a great post. Eric! My husband and I had a similar conversation recently about he and our 7 month old daughter. We will be her first teachers on what love looks like and more importantly, he will set the standard for how a man should treat her. I look forward to seeing their relationship grow and blossom over the years.
This was a great post. Eric! My husband and I had a similar conversation recently about he and our 7 month old daughter. We will be her first teachers on what love looks like and more importantly, he will set the standard for how a man should treat her. I look forward to seeing their relationship grow and blossom over the years.
This post was awesome. Showing your baby the way a man ought to treat a woman!!! I know my hubby is going to enjoy reading this (passing it along) as it is something we talk about a lot. We have such high standards for our future children but it starts with us showing them the way. Keep up the great work with baby girl. She is blessed to have a dad like you!!!
This post was awesome. Showing your baby the way a man ought to treat a woman!!! I know my hubby is going to enjoy reading this (passing it along) as it is something we talk about a lot. We have such high standards for our future children but it starts with us showing them the way. Keep up the great work with baby girl. She is blessed to have a dad like you!!!
I will forever be “daddy’s lil girl!!!” My father set up his work schedule to spend 2 days out of the week home with me and work 3 days(or the other way around, I can’t remember for sure because it was a few decades ago). He was an older parent, in his mid 50’s when I was born, and made sure we were raised ol’ school style. Now that I am grown with a family of my own I can truly appreciate the time with my daddy. My husband and I have 3 girls and every Valentine’s Day he buys them a gift, he is their first love. If we are relaxing outside when he is coming home from work, I smile and laugh as I see the girls run to meet him yelling “daddy, daddy!!!” as he crosses the street. There is no greater joy than watching our girls interact with the first love of their lives as he fixes the wrongs of life and brushes a slightly mis-shapened ponytail…
I will forever be “daddy’s lil girl!!!” My father set up his work schedule to spend 2 days out of the week home with me and work 3 days(or the other way around, I can’t remember for sure because it was a few decades ago). He was an older parent, in his mid 50’s when I was born, and made sure we were raised ol’ school style. Now that I am grown with a family of my own I can truly appreciate the time with my daddy. My husband and I have 3 girls and every Valentine’s Day he buys them a gift, he is their first love. If we are relaxing outside when he is coming home from work, I smile and laugh as I see the girls run to meet him yelling “daddy, daddy!!!” as he crosses the street. There is no greater joy than watching our girls interact with the first love of their lives as he fixes the wrongs of life and brushes a slightly mis-shapened ponytail…
I loved this post and the comments. Although I was not a fatherless child, I suffered from my father not being active in my life. I am the middle child of three girls, and we all know what that means. He says that a lot of the things that he did or didn’t do was because of my mother…which is another topic in itself. He was around but not active, he tried when we were younger but it tapered off, as we got older. I feel at the most critical point in my life, he was not active…showing me what a man was about, what to look for, to even be there to tell me that I should not date. I have always had daddy issues. Sad to say that I did end up choosing the wrong guy and tried to make it work after having children. I was willing to stay in that relationship just for my kids to be raised with their dad, but looking back over my life, a non-active father is just as bad as being fatherless. I try to teach my daughters how they should be treated by a man and to not just settle, but it is kind of hard with out the help of a positive male in their lives. I am in continued prayer for GOD is the only one that can bring us through this. I know that I will have a husband that will love my kids and I, as much as he loves his own for I have been given this vision. Faithfully waiting while continuing to work.
I loved this post and the comments. Although I was not a fatherless child, I suffered from my father not being active in my life. I am the middle child of three girls, and we all know what that means. He says that a lot of the things that he did or didn’t do was because of my mother…which is another topic in itself. He was around but not active, he tried when we were younger but it tapered off, as we got older. I feel at the most critical point in my life, he was not active…showing me what a man was about, what to look for, to even be there to tell me that I should not date. I have always had daddy issues. Sad to say that I did end up choosing the wrong guy and tried to make it work after having children. I was willing to stay in that relationship just for my kids to be raised with their dad, but looking back over my life, a non-active father is just as bad as being fatherless. I try to teach my daughters how they should be treated by a man and to not just settle, but it is kind of hard with out the help of a positive male in their lives. I am in continued prayer for GOD is the only one that can bring us through this. I know that I will have a husband that will love my kids and I, as much as he loves his own for I have been given this vision. Faithfully waiting while continuing to work.
I truly love this article. As my husband and I embark upon this journey called parenthood, I am confident that he will share in these very types of moments with our daughter. I also whole-heartedly agree with the comment about growing up with an inactive father. I’ve had plenty of daddy issues as well stemming from the fact that my father is incapable of loving anyone or anything including himself. Active fathers who are loving, kind and supportive are definitely necessary for children today and I applaud you and your fraternity brothers for being the active fathers your children deserve. Kudos!!
I Have two daddys girls ages 3 and 9 and a 6 year old boy.
I make it a point to spend time with each on a one on one basis. Last weekend
was movie night at our municipal park. My eldest daughter couldnt wait until I got
home to head out to the park; pitch our tent and fire up the grill. We spent
the night by the lake under a clear moon lit sky. The next morning we enjoyed a
pancake breakfast.
This year has been like many others. There were the swim meets
and softball games I try my best to make. Theres the daddy daughter dance
where we get all decked out and make it a date. There were the trips to Chicago
via Amtrak to visit The American Girl store and to have lunch with her and Maya
her doll. Somehow I always end up in the Lego store with the boy while the
girls are in that store.
Then there were times it was just me and the youngest girl.
I love to go to the zoo with the 3 year old. Wed spend the entire day at that
park, have dinner and ice cream afterwords and Id carried her to her room, put
on the night nights and tuck her into bed.
Each season of the year is celebrated with things we do as
tradition and things we try anew. Each week we try to play a game as a family
and steal sometime together in one on one activity. Each day we try to eat
dinner together as a family express love and say I LOVE YOU to one the other.
THANK YOU! I believe you are the only father to comment and share on this article. I for one know first hand there are fathers out there doing what you and I are both doing. This was a perfect opportunity for our voices to be heard about the good things versus just sitting around defending our position during the usual, tired battle of the sexes debate.
Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for your details. Thank you for what you are doing with your little girls and your son — your family. Thank you.
After 4 sons, my husband and I were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. She is 5 now and I get such JOY from seeing her relationship with her father…and her older brothers. Her dad is truly her prototype for manhood. If you ask her what she thinks her future husband will look like, she describes her dad…right down to his bald head, goatee and “very brown” skin! My husband daily sets the stage and tone for what she should look for in a man. And he regularly reminds her brothers that they too play a pivotal role as the next in line men in her life. She sees his treatment of me, is blessed by his treatment of her and is growing up with a clear idea and concept of her worth, value and uniqueness as a young woman. I thank her dad for setting the tone and example of positive manhood in her life. And I thank her four older brothers for happily reinforcing that standand in their sibling relationships with her. Whatever man comes into her life later on better come ready and better come correct! LOL!
I have two boys, one a high school senior, and the other a freshman. They are learning how to treat women with respect BEYOND chivalry, although that is the first place to start. Boys need to treat their mother with the deepest respect first. Before they come home to introduce the girlfriend, they must have respect and reverence towards their mother. Without it, the love they think they have is an empty seashell that whispers by the ocean. That is lesson #1 of being a man, and the toughest.
I truly appreciate this article. I have said mentioned before how important that first relationship is…how valuable the father daughter relationship is and the mother son relationship is. Although I don’t have kids myself, I know how I was affected by the lack of my birth father being in the picture. I was in love with him as a little girl and when things went sour between him and my mother, it devastated me. It has impacted a lot of the relationships that I have had with men and been the source of many of my insecurities about relationships. I just love the fact that you are aware of how important that bond is and are providing a solid foundation for your daughter 😉
Thank you, Jaime for your honesty and thoughtfulness.