Venue rented: Check!
Made sure the planner took care of all of the decorations: Check!
Arranged for the Limo to transport you to the venue: Check!
DJ is set up: Check!
Sounds like it’s going to be one great night! Yup those are some of the logistics that have to be taken care of when you are having a wedding reception, but what happens when those are the same logistics you have to take care of when you get a divorce? Yes, you guessed it; I am talking about the controversial topic of the disturbing trend of Divorce Parties.
As if it isn’t bad enough already that couples are getting divorced and families are being broken up at such a high rate, but now we find it fitting to CELEBRATE the breaking up of those families. The Divorce Party business is growing at a high rate, one top retailer mentions that his divorce party supplies are up 30% in the last 3 years and another planner says she books divorce parties from anywhere from $5000-$20,000! Wow thats one huge price tag! When in America did we begin to celebrate the ending of marriages. When did we begin to glorify the fact that we broke the vows and the covenant that we created under God? When did we give up the idea of until death do us part and substitute it with lets split up and celebrate about it?
I do understand that the process of a divorce can be devastating and can drain someone mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally. For some people they argue a divorce party is a “celebration of a new start” or a “celebration of closure.” That sounds good and all, but the bottom line is that if you are going to call it a divorce party then the perception is that it’s a celebration of divorce. Furthermore just because dealing with a divorce is difficult doesn’t mean that we should celebrate it when it’s over. The analogy I would use is; if we have a kid who decides to drop out of college, should we throw him a party just because his classes were really hard? I would argue that odds are that wouldn’t happen.
The biggest implication and the real reason I have an issue with the idea of divorce parties is the message that it’s sending to others. If we reinforce a lack of success with celebration then what is the incentive to actually try to succeed? Divorces are causing families to break up every day and we can act as if it’s no big deal, but our communities are suffering because of it. Our kids are being damaged, and our adults are becoming broken as a result of divorce and I think the last thing we should be doing is celebrating it. Divorce is definitely a reality in our society, but maybe we should focus more of our energy on how to heal from the divorce so we don’t carry baggage and become an even better person and mate for the next relationship instead of spending thousands of dollars to celebrate how much of a jerk our ex mate was or how much money we gained from alimony. Maybe we should spend some time reflecting because I’m almost sure you carry some fault in the relationship’s end as well. Or, is it that you were so perfect that you feel the need to celebrate your “victory?” There are already enough reasons to celebrate; I’m not sure that divorce should be added to the list.
BMWK — Get involved in the conversation: What are your views on divorce parties? Are they fair or foul? Would you want your husband or wife to attend a divorce party?
Maybe the husband beat the wife and nearly killed her, and when she found the strength to divorce him, she wanted to celebrate that newfound life and strength. No one cares about all of that, because, well, when you divorce someone you don’t have to care. Any person who is in an unhappy situation and they have a bright future ahead of them SHOULD celebrate. The same way people celebrate going into a marriage, they should be able to celebrate the opposite without holier than thou judgements from others. The weight of divorce is heavy, ladened with shame, guilt, fear, failure, disappointments and broke dreams. So what if they throw a party?
Divorce parties are a trend. It’s a way to keep from feeling down about the honest loss of a relationship people probably thought would last forever. I don’t agree with having a party but I do think people heal in different ways. Some go to counseling, some have a party and choose to move on. Some become bitter, some remain hopeful and create a new relationship. Divorce isn’t something to be celebrated but moving on from the disappointment of a broken relationship should.
Nikia I have to ask if you read the entire article as I mentioned in the article many of the points that you made. I understand divorce can be hard, but if the reason we are celebrating is our “new found life” then maybe that’s what we should call it a “new found life” party instead of a divorce party. My bigger point was to address what the divorce party is representing on a bigger scale, not to address one persons reasons to have one. Nothing about the article was “holier than thou” in fact I wrote it in a rather matter of fact form. To you maybe calling it a divorce party may just seem like mere semantics but to some young and impressionable person it says “lets celebrate getting a divorce.” I don’t know about you but from what I see our communities can’t take a whole lot more broken and unhealthy families. Sometimes divorced is necessary but celebrated I’m not so sure about.
Lori thanks for your comments and I agree that some people do heal in different ways and I don’t object to people celebrating moving on, but if you look at some of the paraphanelia and objectives of these parties you will see that the parties end up having a different tone other than just Im celebrating my moving on.
Why can’t the party be a means to help the party-thrower to move on and heal….especially, if they didn’t want the divorce or were betrayed in some way. Maybe we should stop looking at it as celebrating the end of something sacred to all and see it as promoting the beginning of something better for that specific person.
I understand the point the author was making but
the reality is divorce isn’t always a bad thing depending
on the situation and can very well be a reason to celebrate for
certain people. I don’t think “divorce parties” are having a drastic affect
on young people (I don’t think anyone is getting married just to be able to have a divorce party)but what it does do is remind people-especially women- that there is life after divorce. Divorce doesn’t have to be so shameful that the word can’t even be used in a party invite.
Brittney I understand your point and I too agree that sometimes divorce is necessary, but I don’t agree with the fact that divorce has become so normalized that we now throw parties for it. Maybe I’m a little jaded b/c many of the clients I get tell me that they don’t know about marriage for two reasons: No positive examples of marriage and the fact that divorce is such a normal thing. Thus to celebrate divorce further reinforces those thoughts whether we want to believe it or not. The normalization of divorce also contributes to people treating marriage is sort of a rental more than a purchase. People are more apt to just try it out and if it doesn’t look right they have no hesitation about just calling it quits. What that makes me think is that the one structure that is supposed to be in place to raise healthy families now has a very weak foundation and I don’t believe that “divorce parties” help that perception in any way. Trust me I’ve watched a number of divorced and watched an unhealthy relationship that my parents had. I know that divorce can be hard, but I know it’s also hard on young people that one day grow up to be damaged adults. If people want to celebrate their moving on or independence then I’m all for that, but I’m still not in agreence with a divorce party and I think the idea of it has more implications than we would like to believe.
I see nothing wrong with divorce parties. Just as you would celebrate a college graduation or a birthday party – which means the start of something new and positive. Also, there are very good reasons for divorce, such as – adultery, physical, and mental abuse. With that being said, just because people stay married doesn’t mean the kids are going to turn out any better than a divorce couple. My parents divorce and I had common sense to see that my mom wasn’t happy and my father had two many issues. Therefore, it doesn’t mean that I have been damaged or had a lack of something. I’ve been very successful in life and what my parents divorce taught me was that life is too short to be with someone you’re not happy with and it’s best to be happy by yourself then be with someone who committed adultery or someone who is not willing to make the marriage work and be unhappy.
I see nothing wrong with divorce parties. Just as you would celebrate a college graduation or a birthday party – which means the start of something new and positive. Also, there are very good reasons for divorce, such as – adultery, physical, and mental abuse. With that being said, just because people stay married doesn’t mean the kids are going to turn out any better than a divorce couple. When my parents divorced, I had the common sense to see that my mom wasn’t happy and my father had two many issues. Therefore, it doesn’t mean that I have been damaged or had a lack of something. I’ve been very successful in life and what my parents divorce taught me was that life is too short to be with someone you’re not happy with and it’s best to be happy by yourself than be with someone who committed adultery or someone who is not willing to make the marriage work and be unhappy.