Money problems are the number one reason marriages end in divorce. Everyone knows this, and many have witnessed it. The finances in your marriage have the potential to be your biggest obstacle to having an awesome marriage. I’m convinced every marriage has dealt with this obstacle regardless how much money they have.
My marriage is no different. I can truly say money has been our biggest obstacle to date. However, it has not been an obstacle we have let come between us.
Money Problems Can Bring You Closer
True story. 2004 was one of the most challenging years for our family. At the time our family was made up my wife, me, and our three year-old daughter (she turned four in August that year). In that year alone, we moved 6 times in a period of 7 months. We were basically homeless, and living in the homes of family and friends. In most of those places, our family shared one bedroom.
We went from two regular incomes with some pretty good benefits and financial perks to two very inconsistent incomes with no benefits and zero financial perks. And we had no idea when it would end. Yes, it was a huge obstacle and one that has destroyed many marriages. But we came out stronger.
What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger
It could have been easy for either of us to point fingers and lay blame (probably easier for my wife). I don’t remember that happening one time. I also do not remember ever discussing divorce. We rallied around some of the very principles we established early in our marriage and stood by them. Together, we fought poverty, homelessness, depression and any and everything that came against our marriage!
How We Did It
When your entire family shares one room, you have no choice other than spending time together. Not only that, the places we lived were far from our normal work, church, and social activities. Most trips were a 50-60 minute drive in one direction. Gas money, or lack of, was a major issue, so we typically drove one car. Every day was like a road trip. Some days we spent well more than half our day together, in a car.
We came together in a car. We came together each day and night in our one bedroom. We typically came together each evening at the dinner table. Most importantly, we came together in prayer, and we trusted God.
Obstacles Aren’t Meant to Break Your Marriage…but to Build Your Marriage.
What we went through in 2004 has shaped our family today. We typically eat dinner each night together. Perhaps that developed from our previous situations. We’ve chosen to homeschool our children which means spending practically all day together, while many parents cannot imagine the thought of not getting a “break” from their kids. We’ve done it by necessity in the past, and now the choice is easy.
Ironically, as I write this we are in a very difficult time financially. Our income has drastically dropped. The home we are renting will soon not be available for us, as it is being sold. And if it wasn’t, I’m not sure we could afford to stay anyway. Many areas of our future are uncertain. We have been here before, and we know we can make it through together. Our past experiences, although tough at the time, have been a good thing.
Your Marriage Challenges Can Be Good!
I don’t know what obstacles your marriage is facing today, but I do know you can overcome them together. Remember what you are facing is intended to strengthen you and your marriage, not destroy it. If you have never been there before, be encouraged by our story, and get ready to tell your story of overcoming marriage obstacles. It may be the story that saves another marriage similar to ours and yours.
BMWK – What is the biggest obstacle you have faced in your marriage? Please share in the comment section below.
Finances has definitely been one of our biggest challenges. It still is to this very moment. I am actually in a situation I never thought I would be in. Which is living apart from my husband. We were struggling back home and saw an opportunity for growth and home ownership down south. We made the necessary adjustments to make this move a reality. I started sending out job apps for my husband primarily, after not hearing anything. I decided to sit down an complete a job app for the educational department for myself. After finishing my app I got 3 job interviews the next day. It was shocking as the timing was perfect. My family was on their way down that next day to the same location where my interviews were. My husband and I decided it would be best to do the interview face to face so I jumped on board for the road trip. 3 interviews in two days. I got the job I desired and moved that next week. It’s been tough being apart from my husband especially since i just had a birthday and our 3yr anniversary is coming up. It’s not a distance you can just jump in a car and head over. It’s milessss away lol. However I am grateful for the support of our parents and friends. I am trusting God to open the door for a job for him ASAP lol. I can’t stand being apart, yet I know everything comes with sacrifice. I never thought I would be in this situation. Yet here I am trusting God to continue to open doors for us. I believe our financial peace is on it’s way. Through the tears and my fears I know He did not bring us this far to leave us!
Thanks for sharing Maura! It looks like you are looking in the right direction…toward God. As long as you continue that you’ll have peace and He’ll make a way. I am rooting for you guys and so is God!
The marriage can only survive if both people are working together. My husband is trying to make his business “work” for almost 9 years with no success. We are about to lose our house and he still won’t get a job. I don’t know how he can sit by and let all of the financial burden rest on my shoulders. I don’t respect him and am about to file for divorce. It wouldn’t matter if he had a minimum wage job. If he was trying I would consider staying, but I am tired of being the bread winner.
Leilani I know it’s hard but please don’t give up. God will make a way for you and your husband and this too shall pass. I know it’s been a journey but Jesus can turn any situation around at any time. Give this over to God. Don’t let anything come between your marriage. Consider speaking to your Pastor or an Elder in your church for wise counsel. Even speaking with a married couple who has a solid relationship may help the both of you and maybe they can share some tips on how to get through this. I will be praying for you and your marriage. God bless you and your family.
I am sorry to hear that Leilani. Niambi is right don’t give up. Trust God and fervently go to him in prayer. The scripture below has been ministering to me lately, and I believe it will do the same for you. Philippians 4:6-7 “6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” He’ll give you that same peace.
My husband and I have soooo many problems. First and foremost, he does not believe in God. Having said that I have to admit that I haven’t been a good example of a Christian as I haven’t taken my kids to church in years. I pray everyday but can do better. My husband and I have nothing in common. We see things totally different. Like black and white different. We have been married for eight years ( together 11) and have two children together. I also have four children from a previous marriage. Only two are school age ..the other two are grown. My husband is a good dad ( our 2 little girls ADORE him) but is very hard on my daughter who is a senior. He has control issues and is very jealous of my relationship with her. He has said and done some things that were very cruel and immature. My daughter is a straight A student, works, is a “good” girl by all accounts but is a typical teenager that forgets the world isn’t all about her. He has said and done many unkind things to me over the years that I think I have fallen out of love with him. I no longer respect him and find myself not wanting to be around him. I don’t want another divorce and don’t want to put my kids through another one but I am struggling. He needs emotional help as he is very insecure, sarcastic, and condescending a lot of the time. However, his ego won’t allow him to see this. We have tried counseling but he doesn’t believe in it and it never has really “worked” as he needs to really open up about his problems and admit to them. I know he is a good man …he does show a lot of good qualities believe it or not but has as many bad. He grew up in a dysfunctional family so his issues are deep rooted. I know I need help with being more understanding and patient but I am screaming inside to get out! When he is bad he is really relentless. He is also a recovering alcoholic.
So what does a person do with this?? My head says get out one way or the other but my heart keeps hoping he will change.