My favorite comedian is Chris Rock. I think the way he’s able to talk about reality and make it funny is amazing. I always joke that Chris gives the best marriage advice through his comedy specials and his movie “I Think I Love My Wife” but we’re so busy laughing nobody’s listening. One of my fav routines Chris does is when he’s talking about the media and how black folk blame the media for everything and I started thinking about how has the media shaped our opinion of marriage.
I was listening to Jazmine Sullivan’s album “Love Me Back” and one of her songs “Excuse Me” has this line that’s just flat out beautiful. She sings
Got me in the kitchen fixing dinner, make me wanna cook and clean, and just to see you smiling at me, baby you don’t even have to ask me, don’t care what the task be if it makes you happy
And, I was thinking that sounds soooooo good. Now, if only that’s what the game was really like. I mean for real, how many people REALLY can say they feel that way? Just to see your husband/wife happy, that you’d be willing to do whatever they want?
So I started thinking, is it lines like this that has us thinking this is what marriage is gonna be like? Someone cooking and cleaning the house while they’re smiling at you? I’ve got a RACK of friends who always tell me they wanna be like the Huxtables. But are the Huxtables reality? I can’t think of one episode when Cliff and Claire argued, and I mean ARGUED.
I can’t think of one episode where either of them ever complained about their jobs or money. And even though they were both a doctor and a lawyer, they were always home! No late nights at the office (except if Cliff was going to deliver a baby in the middle of the night) or nuthin! They were always around to be there for whatever their kids needed. There weren’t any arguments over money, sex, that having 6 kids and those 6 kids bringing home other stray kids took away from their time together.
The Huxtables just sang and danced and had fun. And if this is what people expect from their marriage when they say they wanna be like the Huxtables, I hope they’re a sit com character cause what ya’ll saw every Thursday from 8-8:30 ain’t reality!
Sure you can dance and sing and have fun with your wife but you’re also going fight, be frustrated about money sex, your job, life etc. I remember when Tanya and I first got married her boss’ daughter asked her was our marriage like Martin and Gina’s. And, 9 times outta 10, that’s what she probably thought marriage would be like. Having fun, your friends over all the time, cracking jokes and again that’s a small percentage of what marriage is about but that’s not the big picture.
BMWK – So what do ya’ll think? Does media give us a false sense of what marriage is gonna be like?
Angie says
When the image media portrays goes unchallenged, we are left with a false sense of what marriage will be like. However, I believe that some portrayals of marriage and relationships are the ideal; They are what we all strive to attain in our romantic relationships. What’s missing from the media and from the dialogue about (Black) love and marriage in general, is the ”how”; How do we go about creating the type of quality time and interactions we see with Claire and Cliff? Martin and Gina? How do we go about interacting with and valuing one another when the reality of marriage hits us? I’d really like to see more mainstream media tackle those issues, particularly from the ‘black’ perspective– and all that that entails.
Anonymous says
No. Most people are able to decipher the real from the fake when it cones to the media, but then on the flip side, try to make celebrity life apply to their own lives. I can honestly say that my perception on love and marriage and relationships come from the people who are in them.
The fellas get together and complain about what they don’t have, instead of being happy for what they do have. They flirt with other women, mention what they would or wouldn’t do if given the chance to relive certain parts of their lives.
Women complain about their men, how he is magically supposed to know something or do something, even though she hasn’t communicated what it is that she wants. Instead of looking to each other , men and women let the world around them know that they are unhappy, unfilled, and dissatisfied. It’s the people in these relationships that have misconceptions. The media’s job is to make you hate yourself, your life, and everything in it. Individual relationships are affected by they people in them. Most of us live in the real world.
Briana Myricks says
I don’t think it’s a false perception but it does give us a bit of false hope. You’re right; the Huxtables were always home and never argued. But turning off the TV and seeing our parents showed us that’s not always how it goes. They had problems, Martin & Gina had problems, but if that’s the only example you have of a marriage, it can give you a false hope that those issues the characters had are the biggest ones.
But when it comes to other media like the news, you’d think marriage is a no go. All you hear about is divorce and infidelity. Very rarely do you hear about couples celebrating their anniversary or persevering through hard times on the news. So I think it’s a catch 22.
Erika says
Of course it does…it’s the media. It’s all edited whether it’s a sitcom family or a so called “real” family in a reality show. So my question is why do we even expect what we see in the media to be reality? I wish more people would use their own judgement and talk to other married couples who will be real and not complain about marriage.
DJA says
Of course the media gives false perceptions, and it’s not just with marriages/relationships, but with life in general. TV, radio, books, etc…are for entertainment purposes only and does not necessarily reflect real life.
Little girls are taught at an early age that Prince Charming will sweep them off their feet on a white horse and they will live happily ever after. NOT! In movies, we’re always shown that the “good guy” always win and the “bad guy” loses. In real life, that’s not true. In movies, blacks are the always the first to get killed, when we know good and well, in real life, we’d be the last because we wouldn’t try to play hero and would be the first to get out (LOL). The point is, whatever Hollywood portrays, is nothing but “feel good fantasy” to take us away from life’s harsh realities.