Sometimes I get so frustrated with our teenager that I literally want to give up. I want to say..it’s your life and if you don’t care about your grades, then I don’t either. It’s a lot of work trying to stay on top of what he is doing at school, what assignments he’s working on and what tests and projects are due. I am constantly inquiring about his activities everyday and sometimes I feel like I am getting the run-around. Only one month into school and I am already taking away some privileges. Don’t get me wrong..for the most part he is a good kid, he is in a very competitive engineering program and in honors classes. He is a very intelligent kid.. But I don’t think he is doing his best right now. I know what he is capable of …and therefore I set higher standards for him than he has for himself.
When I was at the hairdresser last week, a couple ladies and I were giving a status update on our kids. There was an older woman there listening as we talked. She heard me give a status on my teenager and she heard me say sometimes I just want to give up. My hairdresser also has a teenager and she was like girl I know what you mean.
The older lady said..you can’t give up. As long as they are under aged and in school, it’s our job to stay on them and to encourage them to excel…no matter how hard it gets. She gave us an example about her son. She said she had to stay on him constantly while he was in high school. When he went to college, he goofed off his first semester. He was partying and not going to class. She said she stopped paying for college after his freshman year. He had to get a job and pay for it on his own. She said it was hard for him…but something finally clicked… And all of her hard work and persistence paid off because he finished college on his own and he has a great career today.
Those were encouraging words and I am glad she shared them. I know deep down I would never quit on my child. Most of time when I get frustrated like that, I turn to my mom…she always has encouraging words or great advice on what I should do.
BMWK Family have you ever felt like this? What did you do? Did you push through?
Whew can i relate to this! Sometimes having a teenager is enough to make you need bail money! Nobody told me that one day i would wake up to a strange crazy person living in my house who appeared to be in the form of my son. This person thinks he knows everything while everybody else is just trippin. In the past i would help with school projects, try to keep him organized, etc., but my son had a very lazy attitude when it came to school, i knew he was capable of doing what he was supposed to but he was still slacking….so i too had the attitude well if he don’t care i don’t, but that can get real old real quick. The school thing came to a head when we were informed that my son would need to attend summer school (this was in his freshman year in high school). Now i had no idea that there’s a fee for that now (in my day it was free) so i nearly had a total coronary when i was told the cost, which had not been factored into my non-existent budget, and as a single parent the last thing i need is another bill. So i put my foot down and in no uncertain terms told him that i was not paying for him to take 3 mths of classes when he had all year to take the same classes for free!? Clearly he was the one trippin! I then told him that he needed to get a job to pay for summer school or he could repeat the 9th grade – the latter is really not a good look for a teenager…as much as i didn’t want him to be held back, he needed to get a clue and i so did i…and guess what – he got a job, paid for summer school – passed (of course), and has kept his grades up ever since. That little lesson made him responsible for his actions and realize that no matter what i have his best interest at heart and at the end of the day i have a faith in him that no one else will so he needs to work with me not against me. I’m sure we’ll have plenty more life lessons to go thru as we still have one more year of high school and then off to somebody’s college, but that was a lesson that was definitely the start of our evolving parent/child relationship. Parenting is a daily challenge at best. My daily prayer includes thanking and asking god for his continued guidance and patience for both of us and believe me it helps.
Ruby128 – Thanks for sharing. You know exactly how I am feeling. I don’t know what it is going to take for my son to learn a lesson…but he is in the 10th grade now and he does not have any more time to waste. Thanks for reminding me to pray each day…sometimes I get out of the bed running and forget what’s important.
you guys must be reading my mind!!! i, too, have a 15 yr old who is in 10th grade (https://raisingkristopher.blogspot.com) and i am CONSTANTLY harping on him about the importance of being better and smarter than the rest. i JUST got home from work, asked my son about the status of his day and homework and got the “i don’t have any” answer. now, i know that he has some because what honors student doesn’t have homework??? and doesn’t he remember that i was there during orientation when all of his teachers said that they give homework each and every night??? of course i continue to inquire, continue to encourage and lord knows i continue to pray that he realizes what he needs to do the best that he possibly can. he is a great son, student and athlete but i know that he could pull out even more if he dug even deeper because those are the standards that i have set and expect from him. lol, i guess expecting him to be the president of the student council, captain of the basketball team AND graduate in the top 3% of his class and go on to be the best medical doctor in the country is a little pressure but hey, can’t a mom dream? 🙂
i say that we all have to stick together and encourage each other not to use that bail $ that ruby128 spoke of 🙂
keep the faith ladies!
ct
Bail money? I have told my kids not to use their one free phone call from jail to call me. I can say that I had to up front a towing fee. You can teach a kid how to park but if you forget to tell them they can’t park where they want, their vehicle will be towed away. We sure can’t give up on our teens or are now young adult children, who I can tell/say that I have a job and a title at work. Some kids are just slower than others. They are still are kids no matter how old they get. I am not going to take care of them forever, but have to still have to give guidence. That will never change. I also have to remember that one of them in my “golden years” will end up with me.
Please don’t give up on your children. I know it can be challenging some time to raise them but do your best to encourage and support them. The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy and is waiting for an opportunity to get access to your children. If Jesus didn’t give up on us then we can’t give up on our children!
Niambi – you are so right. And I don’t think that I would ever give up. I am glad I have good people to turn to when I get discouraged.
Don’t give up on your kids, but pray for them more than anything. I had struggles….I mean…I could write a book about my struggles with my teenager. And we were a blended family so that only added to the drama. On top of that, my kid was a runner….meaning…he ran to everyone for help…family, friends, church members, etc. So, we had everyone in our business….accusing, judging…oh it was HORRIBLE!!! He has stayed with any and everyone that knew our family well. Relationships were destroyed – life was horrible. But now, my son is almost 22….a totally different person. It took a very long time but I now see that the struggle…the tears….the sleepless nights….they paid off. He was listening. He just didn’t want to as a teen. For me, while I agree that you should never give up on your kids, I do think that sometimes we need to recognize that they simply aren’t going to listen or do what you say unless that is what THEY want to do. My son is now doing EXACTLY what I told him to do when he was failing in high school because now it’s HIS decision…not mine. It’s hard for me because I know that alot of people think that we had no structure in our home…that we had no rules…that we let our son do what he wanted and that is why he was so rebelious. That wasn’t the case at all. Our rules were simply ignored. And unless you have dealt with that, you don’t know what it’s like. You can’t throw a minor out into the streets. Try it and you will be arrested for abandonment. Or they will put them into a foster home and charge you a monthly fee (i.e. child support) I think parents whose kids are obedient are blessed. After my personal experience, I just don’t think we can make our kids do anything….so if your kids listen and comply with everything….be grateful….VERY GRATEFUL! Anyway, I often had people tell me “let him go….” but I couldn’t and I’m happy that I didn’t. Kids will mess up…they will do stupid things….I think that in spite of it all, they need to know that we are always there for them….even if it’s simply to say “I will pray for you” or to say “I love you”.