There’s always a reason to just get by in this life””in the workplace, in traffic, at the grocery store or anywhere else you come into contact with other people. The following are just a couple of the reasons:
- Everyone else is doing it.
- It works.
- I’m tired.
- I’m not trying to go there.
- No one cares about me. I have to look out for Number One.
These coping strategies will make you numb and blunt to the needs of your fellow man, the community in which you live and even yourself, especially now during the holidays. These are particularly challenging times where it’s easy to go numb. Everyone appears to be happy””happier than you””with holiday parties popping off every couple of days in December you discover very quickly what fits and what doesn’t. This goes for both men and women. Between finances and self-esteem, many wind up in that place where they are disgusted with themselves, wishing they had more, or wishing there was less of them, around the middle. This personal disgust if left unchecked can cause a person to withdraw, becoming unapproachable and eventually unlovable. But not for a lack of trying on the part of the spouse on the outside looking in.
How often have you told your spouse, “You just don’t understand” or “You have no idea what it means to be me!” These are great pivotal lines when properly delivered in movies, plays or television shows. But they have no place in a marriage. Especially when the person speaking them isn’t sharing what they are going through with their spouse. Yes, your spouse is supposed to be in tune with you, but nowhere is it written that marriage creates the ability to read minds. If a spouse is on the outside looking in and doesn’t seem to be “getting it” then let them know and give them an opportunity to do their job as your spouse by tending to your needs.
In the midst of accusing your spouse of not “getting it” you have to ask yourself if you are being a good spouse by keeping him or her at arm’s length. Should your needs go beyond what he or she can do, then allow them to be your champion””allow them the chance to be there for you in bad times, in sickness and for worse. Keep in mind, the true test of any person, concept, system or situation is not how they operate when times are good, fun and easy, but when things get down and dirty. When life starts flinging mud do you duck and weave and start throwing punches or do you lay down and die? The beautiful thing about marriage is that you don’t have to fight alone.
Don’t let the holiday blues get you down this season. Don’t just get by and definitely don’t shut out your spouse. Let them be who they were called to be in your life and what they pledged to do at the altar.
What do you do when you feel like life is getting to you? Are you open and honest with your spouse or do you tend to withdraw?