“I prayed for a husband, and God answered my prayer.” I hear it all the time from married women; however, their tone of voice isn’t as gleeful as you might imagine. They prayed for a man who will love and adore them, yet they get annoyed when he wants to show affection and be close 24/7. They call this type of man “needy.” What we fail to realize is that when we pray, God has his own agenda in meeting our needs. As such, it’s really important to be careful who you pray for in a spouse.
Be Careful Who You Pray For in a Spouse
In this article:
They prayed for a man who is a good father, even to another man’s child, yet they complain that he doesn’t discipline the children like they do. This type of guy isn’t “nurturing” enough. I’ve spoken to women who have prayed for a man who provides for the family and works a stable job, yet they complain that he works too much. This type of man isn’t “family-oriented.”
The Prayer
I know firsthand about this. I prayed for my husband to be a loyal, hard-working, family man who loves God, loves me, and loves his children. Who knew that God would answer my prayer by calling my husband into the pastorate. Oh, he loves God alright. So much so he has committed his life to helping other people love God, too. I got who I prayed for, with a church to go along with it.
Nevertheless, I’ve grown to see the blessing in my answered prayer, along with the daunting task of ministry. One of those blessings is the opportunity to encourage others to pray for their future or present spouse. The prayer, however, is just the beginning. The real work comes in when you have to accept the answered prayer in whatever form God decides to deliver it.
God’s Perspective
When God answers your prayer for a spouse and you marry the person He sends to you (not somebody of your own choosing), don’t expect that person to perfect, although the answer to your prayer is perfect.
Did you get that?
The answer to your prayer is always perfect even though your spouse isn’t. God knows what He is doing when He puts a husband and wife together. And part of what He is doing is maturing you.
A Woman’s Perspective
Ladies, if you pray for a husband who helps with the kids and housework, then you have to learn how to bite your tongue when he picks out mismatched clothes for the kids or cleans the kitchen without sweeping the floor.
The answer to your prayer is always perfect even though your spouse isn’t.
If you pray for a husband who respects your opinion and views marriage as a partnership, then don’t get an attitude and pressure him to “just make a decision” when he would rather talk it through with you. If you pray for a husband who is financially stable and a good provider, then you will need to joyfully submit to him when he makes decisions about money that limit your spending.
A Man’s Perspective
Men have to be careful who they pray for, too. Brothers, if you pray for a wife who takes care of herself and enjoys looking nice for you, then refrain from snide comments when you see a new box of shoes miraculously appear in the closet or when she returns from the beauty salon.
If you pray for a wife who is strong, independent and opinionated, then don’t get upset because she speaks her mind or takes on an extra project at work. Furthermore, if you pray for a wife who is supportive of your goals and wants the very best for you, then listen to her when she offers advice; God has given her some wisdom just for you.
Be Careful Who You Pray For
Now, I know we need to do all things in moderation, and sometimes we must speak up when our spouse is not doing his/her part in the marriage. However, speaking up is different from complaining and whining about the husband or wife you prayed for. The main point is this: Be careful who you pray for because God does answer prayers, but He probably won’t answer them in the way you are expecting.
BMWK: How many of you prayed for (are praying for ) your spouse? How was your prayer answered?
Up Next: 13 Bible Verses to Pray Over Your Husband
Editor’s Note – This post was originally published on September 30, 2011, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.
About the Author: Dr. Michelle Johnson is the founder of Alabaster Woman Ministries (www.alabasterwomanministries.com), an online international women’s ministry. She is a wife, mother, writer, speaker, teacher, and first lady of a church in North Carolina. Through her daily blog, online radio show, and video Bible studies, Dr. Michelle encourages women and married couples to make God the center of their lives.
Before I got married, I prayed for my husband. I prayed that whoever my husband was and where ever he was, I wanted God to watch over him and keep him, help him with whatever he may be struggling with, give him Your favor and order his steps. I also asked that whenever we met, that we would both be ready and that we would know it was right. It worked. God did just what I asked Him for.
I’m a single, and I would like to ask, should I pray for the exact qualities I want in a husband, or should I simply pray for a husband and wait for the man God wants me to be with cause he knows me better than I know myself.
Be specific and be honest. God has already created the man for you. Just be ready and know that he might not be ready and God could be preparing him (that takes time).
SPECIFICITY IS KEY
This is common sense lol.
I have been praying for 22 years for a spouse and God has yet to answer my pray. Oh well..I’m over it.
hey i been praying for over 20 years also, still single still looking still praying still frustrated. one day though one day it will come for both of us
well, John and Emily may need to talk it out… ~hint.
Exactly!To the comment for John and Emily…. Wow! <3
I was contemplating divorce or at the minimum a separation until I read this article and remembered what I prayed for a husband that live me and our children…and I have that not in perfect situation…I see I need to humble mysmyself elf…Thank you
Praise God. I will be praying for you Kenyetta. God is able.
I was once told you have to be very specific of what you want in a spouse. With me being divorced and open to marrying again I know what I don’t want in a spouse. I feel God knows the desires of our heart and he knows what we desire for a spouse. God knows what we need in a spouse more than what we think we need. God will give us what we need before he gives us what we want. I feel if you just leave it in God’s hands to bring your spouse to you; that person will be who you need and will be all you ever wanted. God always exceeds what we ask for 🙂
I agree! Well said….
Do not remarry. You will commit adultery. You can only remarry when your spouse (or former spouse) has died.
That is not true. You don’t know the reason for their divorce. If he committed adultry she is free to remarry.
Anon, divorce is a sin but it is a forgivable sin. Even though adultery is bibical reason to get a divorce we must ask for forgiveness and move on in life. PS: we must also except the consequences of the sin of divorce. Sometime the marriage was so painful until the consequence seem minor.
love this article! Same here God answered my prayers at the age of 48. I asked Him for a loving husband who not only supported his children financially but, was actively involved with them because I didn’t have any children well we have a 7, 14 and 17 year old all who are active in school so I’m incorporated into these activities so much so instead of storing their names in my phone I have them listed as my daughter and my son
Beautiful! !!God bless your union in Jesus name amen.
God gives you what you need, not what you want. And what happens when you get what you want most of the time? You don’t value it, you throw it away, and don’t take care of it.
I prayed a prayer similar to the author. I was only 19 and newly saved when I saw a young man that was on fire for God. He loved doing the work of God, wasn’t immature (in my opinion at the time), and I was attracted to his zeal and tenancity to bring others to God. It’s true what the author wrote to ‘be careful what you pray for because God will answer your prayer, just not in the way you are expecting’; because that’s what I did. I began to pray to have someone just like the one I was attracted to; didn’t know it would turn out to be him, but lo, and behold, 14years later, the very thing that attracted me to my husband was the very thing that caused a divorce. His commitment to the assignment God had for him only grew and it meant less time with me and the kids and more time in churches, conferences, and meetings; many out of town. I began to complain about not having a husband who enjoyed being home with his family, who paid attention to me, who likes taking vacations, etc, etc, etc.. Don’t get me wrong, he was an excellent provider and father, but I felt something was missing. In his absences, I always felt I didn’t get married to be alone, but when he reminded me that he told me what his calling was and that he asked me if I wanted that kind of life, I realized my husband never changed who he was; he’s the same young man I saw when I was 19, and his love for God even greater. I had changed and I really didn’t know or truly understood the level of sacrifice and the responsibility that came with his lifestyle. We are good friends to this day and his mission and zeal only grows as the years go on. So I agree. Just be careful. Specific. And more importantly, patient because when it’s God-it’s always good!
Your ex husband acted like he was single. When you are single you are free to do things for the kingdom that married people cannot. When you are married your family becomes your primary ministry and it comes first before any other ministries (note, I don’t mean before his personal relationship with God). Marriage is a reflection of Christ and the church. Having a ministry outside marriage does not give one a license to neglect his family. He could’ve done his duties for his ministry but still prioritised his family, which would mean delegating more. So don’t blame yourself for changing. Paul the Apostle was single for that very reason, to accomplish his task put before him by Christ. He even said it’s better not to be married, for that very reason. You can focus on kingdom 100%.
I have prayed for my Boaz. I’m waiting on God to send him.
I prayed for a strong leader (translation, sometimes a little bossy), sensitive (translation, too emotional), intellgent (translation, sometimes a little “know-it-all”, unconcerned with appearance (sometimes I had to beg him to get a haircut ! (-:, visionary (sometimes I can’t see what he sees), passionate(sometimes he doesn’t want to share me with work or ministry), Godly (though flawed)…you get the picture! God gave me EVERYTHING I asked for AND more! No, this isn’t some childish “no-take backs!” or trick because I didn’t ask specifically for certain things. No, this is a God who blesses us beyond what we can understand. I was into the wirey, geeky poets and along comes this tall, dark, hunky jock–I didn’t ask for HIM-I didn’t like that “type” THEN! God, in His infinite wisdom, gave me what I would, in time, LOVE! Marriage reveals the mystery of Christ and His church. Marriage reveal TRUE agape-altruistic, sacrifical love. Indeed, marriage gets us as close to godly as we can be-selfless, loving another more than ourselves. Marriage is not JUST about what we like, or want-or even ask for. He selects us for this ministry, just like He does for others. My hubby had no idea he would go through major health problems that would demand a very strong woman–he couldn’t know, but God provided him with me, just like he provided me with him. I used to be selfish and self-centered, arrogant and concerned with appearances. Our marriage has cured me of those ails and God knew it would. It is SO much bigger than picking who I like. -BUT, let me say-God, in His infinite LOVE for me, actually gave me all the desires of my heart! I don’t know HOW He did it, but it worked out! Ask and it SHALL be given!
The man I prayed for I have! I just learned how to accept what it is that I asked for. A man that loves and adores me only, love his kids and a good provider. God is so good!
I need help, I’m in love with my ex boyfriend Who I have bee knowing for over 30 years, we still talk and chat with each other, the only thing he is married and I’m to, I am caught between the two with no way out, in love with with my ex and in love with him, I told him I do not want to hurt other people involved, I know its wrong, I have always loved him, what should I do.
Pleaseee dont DESTROY any marriage get rid OF that soulish tie from your ex don’t contact him PRAY AND FAST ASK GOD TO DELIVER YIU FROM HIM
I am still waiting for my answered prayer and have learned to be specific about what desiring qualities I am praying for my husband to posess. I have two children;15 year old son and a 8 month old daughter and I am waiting patiently because I will no longer settle for what I do not deserve. Rather, I will wait for God’s best for me and my children.
Chante, I feel you. I am in your exact same situation and my kids are 14 and 18 months. Settling is not good. I believe God wants the best for us all.
For nealy 5yrs now, I have been praying to God to send me my Boaz but I keep meeting a Bozo! The enemy has been trying to convince me to give up on my future God fearing mate, but I refuse to do so. Im allowing God to continue to work on me so that I will be ready to receive my Boaz.
God bless everyone. Thank you God for teaching us to follow your Will. I pray daily for my husband to be. He will search for God so deeply in my heart to find me. I love him and I love God more. I seek God’s righteousness, His kingdom and His face. God is a great God and He will send our spouse on His time. Just don’t give up on praying for your spouse. And Don’t give up on God! Trust Him. Provebs 3:5-6. Amen 🙂