When you’re dating, it’s easy to be on the same page with your partner. Compromise comes so easy and you just smile and agree about everything. You don’t even consciously know you’re compromising…you’re just in LOVE and so willing to please your ‘bae’. But as soon as you get married, you quickly realize you are not on the same page with your spouse about so many things – finances, kids, religion, or what you want for the future. This is why creating a Godly vision for your marriage is so important.
Not on the Same Page With Your Spouse | Creating a Godly Vision for Your Marriage
In this article:
- Getting on the same page with your spouse is not so easy.
- Step 1: Ask questions to help you identify your core values.
- Step 2: Answer them individually, and then discuss the answers together
- Step 3: Identify and EMBRACE your commonalities and differences.
- Step 4: Pray and seek God’s wisdom.
- Step 5: Document your core values, principles, and recurring themes woven into your relationship.
Getting on the same page with your spouse is not so easy
Getting on the same page with your spouse doesn’t come easy for every couple. And, when it comes to getting on the same page, I find that there are 3 types of couples.
Never Gonna Happen: Sadly, for some couples, it doesn’t happen at all. We’re not going to name names..but these couples are not so easy to be around because they disagree about everything – right there in front of you. And I don’t even think they know they’re doing it. It’s just a part of who they are at this point. They love each other and they don’t agree…period!
Work in Progress: For some couples, getting on the same page happens eventually..but not without trial and error (or should I say bumps and bruises.)
Goal Setters: And then other couples take a quicker less painful route to getting on the same page by intentionally working to set a common vision for their marriage.
If I had to be honest, I would say my husband and I are a mixture of Work in Progress and Goal Setters. We are working on setting a common vision for our marriage, but we are work in progress. So, there is still some trial and error going on.
In the Guide to Spiritual Intimacy for Christian Couples, author and Pastor Pastor Edward Lee of LongView Bible Church provides guidance on how couples can get on the same page for their marriage by creating a God-centered vision, mission and set of core values. He provides these 5 steps:
Sometimes, the only things a couple has in common are the points of consistent struggle or friction. That’s fine too. Start with what you have left and let god show you how to use that to move toward His plans for your marriage. ~ Pastor Edward Lee, LongView Bible Church
5 Steps to Creating a Godly Vision for Your Marriage.
Step 1: Ask questions to help you identify your core values.
Make a list of questions that will help you to identify your values and also common threads between you and your spouse. Questions such as: What are three of your core values when it comes to marriage? Or, Where do you see God’s presence the most in our marriage? Or, what legacy do you want to leave to our children or others? These questions are the first step in seeing God clearly in your marriage. (Find these questions and more in this 21 Day Marriage Journal for Christian Couples.)
Step 2: Answer them individually, and then discuss the answers together.
“Unity does not mean conformity.” I heard this statement yesterday and it’s so true. You came into this relationship as individuals… so of course, you are going to have your own ideas and values. And that’s ok.
Step 3: Identify and EMBRACE your commonalities and differences.
Pastor Lee states that commonalities are woven all throughout your relationship from your dating years, your common experiences, and your marriage history. He states: “ the answers that your questions generate, are neither right or wrong, just glimpses into what you both value. As you discuss these questions, some commonalities and differences will surely begin to emerge. Embrace both because this is where you will see, and begin to write out, what core values, principles, and recurring themes are woven into your individual relationship.”
Step 4: Pray and seek God’s wisdom.
This step is important for creating a godly vision for your marriage. Pastor Lee states: “Be diligent, and even more so, be patient. God’s vision is different than yours. So it will absolutely come in a different form and time than you would choose. God’s vision is for an appointed time, so be diligent in seeking and patient in receiving the vision”
Step 5: Document your core values, principles, and recurring themes woven into your relationship.
Use what you’ve learned from steps 1 to 4 to document a common vision, mission, and core values for your marriage.
If you are not on the same page with your spouse (or even if you are), watch this video from MarriageToday to learn more:
By going through these steps, you will get closer to your spouse and generate conversations that will bring the wisdom of God into your marriage. And, you’ll be able to identify common values that will help you and your spouse minimize the ‘bumps and bruises’ and get on the same page in your marriage.
What steps are you taking(or did you take) with your spouse to get on the same page? And is it important for you to include God’s wisdom in your marriage?