by Harriet Hairston
Well, first let me state that I don’t really mean “forget sex.” We all need some good yum-yum, and to totally disregard it is a misnomer (but it got you reading, didn’t it?).
However, it is my responsibility to let you in on an important fact for us ladies. For many of us, intimacy begins long before we hit the bedroom (or shower, or kitchen sink, or wherever).
If I were to make a comparison the men would understand, I would have to turn to vehicles. Men are like the sports cars…man, they go from 0 – 120 mph in no time flat. Women, on the other hand, are like 18 wheeler trucks (don’t start tripping…I’m not talking about our weight, ladies). You have to warm a truck up for a while before it hits optimal speed.
Hence my ever present philosophy that God has JOKES! Putting us together like this and expecting us to remain together without committing homicide is a tall order. Thankfully, He gives us the tools to make it happen harmoniously and beautifully!
In their book “An Ounce of Prevention: Divorce Proofing Your Marriage,” Gary Richmond and Lisa Bode provided 10 simple factors for achieving and maintaining intimacy. If these pointers are followed, the sexual union becomes more fulfilling and FUN than it would be where intimacy is absent:
1. Have an attitude of love and respect towards one another.
2. Maintain an atmosphere of safety. There’s nothing worse than expressing some vulnerability and having it pushed back in your face as an assault. Every spouse should feel like their feelings are safe towards one another.
3. Share abundant and intimate communication. If it’s as simple as Aja’s suggestion to call/text an “I love you,” to sharing exercises and activities that are conducive to communication, make it happen!
4. Understand that intimacy is a process, not an event.
5. Know that it’s not the doing, but the BEING things together that’s important. We see a reflection of that often with the way Lamar and Ronnie are a unified bundle of purpose together!
6. Intimacy takes two. So go ahead and get your dance on to Rob Base’s “It takes two to make a thing go right,” and understand there is a role you both play in establishing intimacy.
7. Have complete disclosure with one another. There should be plenty of boundaries, but NO SECRETS within a marriage.
8. Accept your spouse as he or she is. After all, YOU married the person! Love the one you’re with and maintain an attitude of gratitude for the blessing your spouse is in your life.
9. Affectionate touch always keeps intimacy alive. A warm embrace, a hand on the small of the back, brushing up against one another when there’s plenty of room to get around…be creative and touch/kiss each other often!
10. Humor! Laughter is not only good medicine, but it’s also a great vitamin to consume in marriage! Laugh with your spouse today!
If these factors are adopted, intimacy won’t be this complicated, elusive thing. It will be available like WalMart…24/7/365 with plenty of variety to offer.
BMWK, how do you achieve and maintain intimacy in your marriage?
God bless!
~ Harriet
I will serve my spouse MIND, BODY and SOUL….two lovers become ONE!
For Women- Emotional Intimacy, for females there is a need of In-to-me-you-see. Women want a man that is into the complete package of who they are.
For Men- Physical intimacy, males want to touch and be touched, we want her to wear nothing, we want to lock her in his arms. We want to experience all the senses. ( Well, I’ll speak for myself )!
Love the list 1-10 and then some….its not always easy but we know its necessary!
Awesome Post! Mrs. Harriet…thank you!
There are many cases where wives have hight libido than their husbands, but this seems not to be a popular topic of discussion. These current economic times, pressures of not being able to providing for the family sometimes have an effect on a man’s desire for intimacy and sex. I would love to read an article about that…how wives in this category cope.
There is a typo in my statement above. I mean to say “There are cases where some wives have a higher libido than their husbands.” The rest is accurate.
Just by being SPONTANEOUS with him, makes him FEEL SO SPECIAL AND APPRECIATED!!!
I wish wives, in the bedroom, were completely like trucks; meaning once you get them started, it is hard to get them to stop. One false move and they come to a complete halt and takes as much to get them started again. LOL
However, the list is spot on. I agree with @Whyte23. It’s not always easy we know it’s necessary. Besides, very few people truly want to get divorced but do so because communication has completely broken down.
Keep up the good work with these articles and site.
This is great info to know if you aren’t married yet. This article is great and plendidly simple! Thanks for the insight!