When you first get married most everything is rosy. No challenges. Everything your spouse does is cute, or even if it’s not cute, you can look over it. Then one day you wake up and wonder, “What the heck happened?” or “Who is this person sleeping next to me?” The things that were once cute are no longer cute. The girlish figure has gone from a coke bottle to a 2 liter and the six-pack your man once had is now a keg.
Wow! The question is – Can you love me through the changes?
When love is built on internal qualities, I say YES, you can love through the external changes. Now make no mistake this is no excuse for poor behavior. That’s not what I am talking about here. If this is your case, get the proper help to sustain your marriage.
Here I am talking about the little things that if not taken care of become big things. I am talking about things like this:
- She has gained weight and he liked her at a size 6 but loves her just the same at a size 16.
- He used to have dinner cooked in the evening but with his new job that’s just not happening.
- She used to keep her stuff so neat, somewhere along the line everything she touches looks like a tornado hit it.
- He used to have a full head of hair, now bald is better.
- It used to be cute that she just piled the dishes in the dishwasher, now you wonder does she have an ounce of organizational skill in her body.
- Your position is that the toothpaste must be squeezed from the bottom. Your mate could care less, just use the toothpaste.
Love your mate deeper, wider, greater, and with more conviction than you love your position. Love them through the changes. When your love is built on internal qualities, then you can love your spouse through the external changes.
Look at the long range outcome of what is happening in your marriage. If each person stays unmovable in their position how will you ever come together in agreement? You both will remain on opposite sides of the spectrum. There has to be a meeting point.
If she has gained weight, show loving concern but don’t badger. If he is bald, no need to remind him of what he looked like with a full head of hair. He knows what he used to look like. Love each other through the changes.
Changes will come as each month passes. We are human. Change is a part of life. Don’t hurt your future, preserve the love. Think purely and honestly about your mate. The reality is they change just like you.
Can you love through the changes? Absolutely, YES YOU CAN!
Terrisena says
I had to ask my husband of 22yrs if you were in our household. This article touched every aspect of our life. Great read and nice reminder!!
Deborah says
@Terrisena, isn’t it funny how life changes? It’s also good to see that these are normal healthy changes that we can live through. You are not alone. 🙂
Anonymous says
I love this! People need to understand this is a part of growing old together. And those who don’t understand this should never get married.
Deb says
You are right! Change is definitely a part of growing old together. It’s what we signed on for when we got married. Thanks for leaving a comment.
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