by Harriet Hairston
Lately, I’ve been having difficulty moving on from a particularly painful situation. I thought I was over it, but little inklings of what happened keep entering my mind, and if I don’t fight them off immediately, they grow like a cancer and attempt to wreak havoc on my thoughts and emotions. I have too many good things going on in my life to be focused on all this negativity. It’s like this vicious emotional Post Traumatic Stress Disorder attacks my mind, and if I hear a certain noise or in my case, learn of a particular injustice inflicted upon another person, it sets off a violent chain reaction in my emotions that I need to come to terms with. In other words, I need to get over it and move on! Truthfully, I’m already over it, but negativity arises that tries to suck me back into the vortex of foolishness. Here are some mental exercises I do to ensure PTSD doesn’t overtake my emotions:
- When I’m tempted to get angry or frustrated about another person’s irritating or damaging personality, I remind myself that I have my own issues that get on plenty of people’s nerves. The same grace I want others to extend to me I should be willing to extend to them.
- I make myself very cognizant of the direction a conversation is going in. If the conversation begins to take on the characteristics of bashing or gossip, I either separate myself or bring the discussion back to its positive focus.
- If someone else has the same issues I have with a particular person, I do my best to point out their positive attributes and state that the person, just like me, is not a finished product yet. *I’m still working on this one…it’s amazing how potent a common enemy is.*
- I’m very careful about who I talk to regarding the hurt another person inflicted upon me. I don’t want my words to be misconstrued or twisted.
- Above all, I pray for the person who hurt me. I think I’m a pretty straight forward person, and I do my best to treat others like I want to be treated. When another takes advantage of that or abuses it, it’s not my job to retaliate. It’s my job to pray for mercy, because I’m God’s child…and He’s not about to stand for His daughter suffering abuse!
These things have helped my family and I STAY out of the mess we came out of, and emotionally, I pray others will get beyond their personal hurts and heartbreaks to overcome and move forward.
BMWK, is there anything you can add to this list?
God bless!
~ Harriet
Harriet Hairston is a woman who slips and slides in and out of labels (military officer, human resource manager, minister, mentor, spoken word artist and teacher). The only ones that have stuck so far are “wife” and “mother” (the most important in her estimation). The rest have taught her well that only what she does for Christ will last. She joyously writes for the site Black and Married with Kids and her own blog entitled “Can She SAY That?!?” There is one more permanent label she holds: “author.” You can purchase her first book, “Who Are You?” simply by clicking on the link or going to https://www.createspace.com/3430012. You can also contact her at [email protected].
Rhonda D. Ross, M.Ed. says
Thank you!! This is a timely article that has spoken to my brokenness. Thank you!!
Da Minister says
The realization needs to come from the word of God. Matthew 5 talks about the “B-attitudes” or blessed attitudes. I’m not hear to preach a sermon that we have all heard so many times. But I will state that hurt people are the people of God which are stated in Matthew 5. Being hurt is not something that can ever be liked or accepted. But being hurt is consider to be trait of a child of God! From ones hurt God can manifest Himself by if nothing else healing you heart (spirit man). Next time our feelings become hurt we need to fall down and worship God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After says
This is great.
Being focused on or crippled by things from the past can wreak havoc on a person, and on a marriage. I experienced something in my past that often threatens to show up in certain aspects of my marriage, and it’s really important that I don’t allow it to, because it doesn’t deserve to occupy space there {due to the fact that it is negative, it is ugly, and it is from the past}.
Although sometimes I wonder if it shows up again and again because I haven’t fully dealt with it.
.-= {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After´s last blog ..Planting Seeds of Rubies and Pearls =-.
Harriet says
@ Rhonda,
Praise God! I wrote out of my own brokenness, and it encourages me that it blessed you.
@ Da Mininster,
Leave it to you to bring the biblical to light! Thanks for the reference and admonition!
@ JeLisa,
I had a meeting a few days ago about bringing closure to painful situations. There is such a fine line between running from the problem and brining closure to it. I pray the Lord guide you to the right answer, and once the issue is closed, for it to never rear its ugly head again! Keep being a light, sis!
Political Pete says
I am VERY Late! Oh how I’ve missed the writings of Harriet! And the blog?! Nice! Of course I’m subscribing… the book too… Geez where have I been?
lol
Harriet says
Aaaahhh. Political Pete is BACK in the house! :o) Good to see your face in the place again, brother!
Funkidivagirl says
I am too suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from an emotional hurt and it has led to panic attacks from claustrophobia. I have to pray my way out of this one!
.-= Funkidivagirl´s last blog ..Things I Like: Paddywax Candles =-.
YellowHairBaby says
I too was in a stage of suffering with a person situation between me and my husband, and the more I pondered on the situation and cried out to God he told me forgiveness, and then he showed me ways to love my husband, and forgive him the way God grants me mercy and grace and forgives me. Let Go and Let God
Al's_Wife says
I am late responding to this. I understand first hand how negative pain from the past can affect you in your everyday life. My struggle has not been forgiving. I have forgiven the person who hurt me, but unfortunately this person continues to do the same thing and never acknowledge my hurt feelings. I have chosen to forgive (for my peace of mind). Unfortunately this person is my sister. Since our fathers death she and I share the responsibility of caring for our disabled mother. My mom lives with my husband and I for 6 months and then she lives with my sister for 6 months. Recently my sister hurt my feelings with her actions. When I brought it to her attention, she responded by not acknowledging my hurt feelings. She wanted us to move forward because it was in the past. Her response threatened to take me back to the other times she hurt me and never apologized. What I find amazing in all of this is the more I sought God in helping me get pass this recent hurt, the more God revealed to me why my sister is the way she is. We were both raised in the same household, by the same parents. However, the way we both learned from our environments was totally different. My father was never one to apologize to anyone including my sister and I when he hurt us. So I grew up with a strong sense of wanting my hurt feelings to be acknowledged and my sister grew up not acknowledging hurt feelings (both products of our environment). So now this revelation has allowed me to extend grace and mercy towards my sister. Unfortunately she still has yet to accept any of my phone calls or respond to any voicemail messages Ive left for her. We are forced to use a 3rd party to make arrangements for our mother. Its most unfortunate, but Im grateful that God has allowed me to see her through a completely different set of eyes. However I have had to make a choice to love my sister from a distance. I pray for her peace daily. I have the faith to believe God will bring her to the revelation knowledge that he has brought to me when she is ready to receive it.
Sorry this is so long…..