by Linda Dominique Grosvenor
If you haven’t already you may be on the cusp of joining the 100 million Americans in making a New Year’s resolution. The New Year is the time when many people look back and reflect on the previous year’s accomplishments as well as goals that have fallen short and make a diligent promise to do better. The number one resolution most Americans make is to lose weight or become more fit, but seeking out more rewarding relationships isn’t far down on the list. Hopefully you haven’t fallen short of that goal just yet.
1. The first thing you need to do to turn over a new relationship leaf in 2009 is get rid of anything or anyone that isn’t adding to your spiritual, emotion or physical well being. Having a man or woman around that is draining your pockets, emotions and has you teetering on the edge of insanity is no way start off your new year””this includes platonic friends as well. He or she can come in the prettiest package, if its not working for you, you can’t convince yourself that because its “visually” appealing that it will work one day””it won’t.
2. This piggybacks on point number one, once we let these things or people go, we also have to refuse to let it or them come back if they aren’t lining up to what you know you want from a relationship. You need to stop giving the same person seven and eight chances to prove the same thing to you””that they’re Mr. or Mrs. Wrong! When you get the point, digest it and move on, chances are they already have.
3. If you’ve just gotten out of a relationship you have to be willing to heal. Stop jumping in and out of relationships, get to know yourself and search yourself to uncover your own issues. You could be contributing to the demise of every relationship you have and not even know it if you don’t take a moment to pause and evaluate yourself. Too many of us act like our life is off track if we don’t have a man or woman blowing up our cell phone or leaving messages on our answering machine. Get it together please and figure out what you want from a relationship (some requirements people list are pretty vague) before you get into one and then keep it moving.
4. If you’ve recently ended a long-term relationship make certain that you don’t make any major decisions for at least 4 months, because if you do, you’re more likely to make an emotional decision based on past hurt and pain and seek out something that will temporarily soothe, but won’t heal you and in the end that will make matters worse and lengthen the grieving period.
5. Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them” and we have to do that without fail! It’s easy to overlook the stop signs when you’re lonely or attracted to someone, but you can’t risk what you know will be certain hurt. Let your Spirit guide you and uncover things about people that they aren’t telling you and stop spinning everything into a fairytale ending. Once you get insight, don’t gloss over it and convince yourself that because he or she is so good looking you’ll make an exception. Adjust your actions accordingly and stop settling for any less that you deserve.
6. Don’t ever convince yourself that because the last person you were in a relationship with wasn’t a match for you that all men or all women are “no good”. Don’t let the wrong one ruin you for the right one. Keep your mind open, your Spirit rooted in the Word and what you seek, will seek you too.
7. Be approachable. Many of us want love deep down on the inside where the layers of our heart and our armor and walls we’ve put up can protect us, but when we meet people we’re icy, short with words, dry and plain unappealing. If you want someone to be drawn to you and know that you are ready to “consider” them, tone down the bristly persona and learn to let people inside the layers of your personality and your heart eventually.
8. When you meet someone who measures up to what you believe you deserve and you’d like to know more about them and begin spending time together, remember, start with a clean slate. If you want someone else to leave their past relationship baggage and preconceived notions about the opposite sex outside of your newly budding relationship you have to be willing to do the same. Don’t make your current partner pay for the sins of past partners. Be the best you can be and God’s best will find you.
9. Read The Plural Thing. The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate will change lives because deep down people honestly do want to learn to love better and the principles in the book are easy to follow and implement into your life the same day you finish reading it!
10. Get active. Got to the movies, art galleries, church functions, volunteer at a soup kitchen (it’s amazing how many Christians have never done this) and visit nursing homes. When you get your mind focused on other things it takes the pressure off of the “When will I meet him/her?” mantra and will allow you to see the world around you in a new way rather looking in the face of every stranger wondering if they are the one. The fact is, you can’t rush God. When the Potter is finished with you and your potential mate, He’ll allow it to happen.
Linda Dominique Grosvenor has made her foray into non-fiction with the inspirational smash hit The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate. Her expertise on dating and relationship issues has been used in articles for publications such as Modern Bride, Jolie, Jewel, Honey and MORE Magazine. A tireless advocate Grosvenor is also the founder of Love Better Camp. Log on and visit her official website at www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com and join her interaction Christian social network at https://thepluralthing.ning.com.
If you’d like to join us, with a chance to win prizes, awesome Christian music and video, click to log on to The Plural Thing Social Network where you can meet likeminded people just like you for honest discussion and more.
Article Copyright Linda Dominique Grosvenor. All Rights Reserved.
Tanyka says
great article. very good advice.
Iris says
Thanks so much for this article…I am currently trying to end a relationship and this has been quite helpful
Daisy says
I have been single for 8yrs and counting because I won’t settle. I know whom I am and whom I belong to. I will keep holding on to my Faith until Mr Right comes along. I don’t know when or how black love got so far off track, but I still believe in it!! Great tips/advice.
Tam says
Thanks for reaffirming that my decision to recently end a relationship was in my best interest. I refuse to ‘settle’.
Lynnique says
I think this article is very informative. I just recently ended a relationship with someone I had been with on and off for 8 years. I felt like I was being drained, used, weighed down, etc. Now that I’m no longer with him, I feel like a dead weight has been lifted and I am taking it one day at a time in trying to regain my peace of mind in order to continue to accomplish the goals I had put on hold while I was with him.
Linda Princess Dominique Grosvenor says
Blessings to you all and I pray that this year becomes your best year ever where relationships are concerned.
Linda Princess Dominique Grosvenors last blog post..Kendra is now a member of The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate