My girls told me there’d be days like this.
My wedding planner warned me. My friend who just got hitched two weeks ago prepared me, too. Even my hairdresser told me this would happen.
Yep, I lost a friend because of my wedding. I told everybody that wasn’t going to happen to me; my friends and I ““ we’re tight. Whoops, guess I was wrong.
One of my bridesmaids dropped out the wedding because she’s not working (by choice) and thus, can’t afford to be in the wedding. No hard feelings ““ times are hard, I understand. But I have five groomsmen and (now) four bridesmaids. It’s not fair to kick a groomsman out the wedding on account of her, so best thing to do is to replace her with someone else. We agreed all was fine.
Well, apparently, I was supposed to offer to pay for her dress because “that’s what friends do”. But I thought we did that when my fiancé offered to hook her up with a job at a friend’s company, as which point she began to list her demands that the position HAD to pay at least $15 an hour, be Monday through Friday ONLY and 9am-5pm. Because the gig paid $12/hour, she refused. I suppose the handout was preferential.
And I guess I was also supposed to check in with her to be sure she approved of the person I replaced her with before I made a decision. Considering she doesn’t know the new bridesmaids anyway, I fail to see what difference it makes, but evidently, that was the final straw (in addition to not paying for her dress), as I found out when I realized I had been blocked on Facebook (are we 8 years old?) and received a plethora of profanity-laden text messages about how selfish of a friend I am for not offering to pay for her dress and replacing her with someone else. Funny thing is, it’s not like I refused to pay for her dress ““ she never even asked! But “real” friends offer so”...guess that makes me a poor friend.
Ah well”...the show goes on.
We made another trip back to Cleveland this past weekend. My friend’s dad passed and we went to attend the viewing on MLK Day. While there, we visited the world-famous Severance Hall and also visited the Cleveland Museum of Art (both for free! Cha ching!)
On the way out, my fiancé said he wanted to show me this quaint, little Bed-and-Breakfast called “The Glidden House” near University Circle (the uber-cultural area of the city). It’s amazing how I grew up in this city for 18 years and never knew so many cool places and things existed (our wedding ceremony site being one of them). He has drawn a greater appreciation of Cleveland out of me.
This B&B was built in the early 1900s by the Glidden family (yes, the people that make Glidden paint). Who knew they were Clevelanders?? We went inside and met Dwayne, who was clearly in love with his job as the hotel maintenance man. He took us on what he called an “exclusive” tour to all the different rooms with distinct history, and even showed us the sun room, where the Gliddens used to host their Sunday brunch tea parties. This dude needs a raise and a job as the B&B historian. He knew everything about it! It’s an awesome place and we decided that one day we’ve got to stay there overnight.
While in one of the rooms, my homie-lover-friend got the idea that due to the very large space of the suite, it would be a perfect place for all five of my bridesmaids, including the new one (lol), and me to get dressed the day of the wedding ““ especially since the B&B is less than a 10 min drive on the same street as the ceremony site.
Then Dwayne started talking about blocking off rooms there for our out of town wedding guests, which is actually the next thing on our list of things to do/book.
Moving right along, I don’t know what the deal is with deejays. Endion has had to track down every one that we’ve looked at just to get a response or a demo mix. The one we’ve decided to go with has verbally agreed to spin for us, but, apparently, actually getting the actual contract in hand is like pulling teeth. Will keep you posted on that.
Save-the-dates cost way too much. Every (good) one I found, was $1.75 to $2.50 EACH! With 200+ guests, that’s not gonna fly. Budget bride attack: I said “screw it”, found an example of one I liked (which cost $2.15 a pop), jack-moved their idea and made my own in Photoshop. Took ’em to WalMart to get printed. Got some magnet backing from Michael’s Craft Store and used my eagle eye to strategically place them while watching “Hereos” with the fiancé. They are sitting on my breakfast bar in envelopes, stamped and ready to be sent out by end of Febuary. I. Do. Not. Play.
According to our planner, we are waaaaaaaaay ahead of schedule, which is very much exemplary of me (I am super-anal about procrastination. Everything has to be done yesterday. Lol). But it almost makes me sad to know that we’re pretty much done with all the big stuff”...just working on details and such now ““ which means the planning is almost over. I’m having too much fun for it to end!
Next up ““ deciding if I want a traditional veil or a birdcage veil, finding my shoes (they MUST be fly!), selecting the groom’s outfits (which we’ll do when go back to C-town for Superbowl Sunday), and finding an officiant that matches our personalities. Thanks to everybody who sent me officiant recommendations!
BMWK family, did you deal with anything like this leading up to your marriage? Did folks start acting funny on you? Were you ahead or behind on your planning schedule?
Tara @ The Young Mommy Life says
My bridesmaids hated their dresses. They weren’t fans of pink. No one was a fan of pink except me. But I figured, it was a light pink and I picked the cheapest dress I could find for them, so they could just wear it for one day, right? Right.
It’s hard trying to walk that line between pleasing other people and having your day the way you want it. But I know your wedding will be fabulous! 🙂
.-= Tara @ The Young Mommy Life´s last blog ..Challenge #9 – Pamper your feet =-.
busybodyk says
Yup! The worst was a friend whose wedding I was just in the year before. After I spent money on her wedding she had amnesia. She couldn’t remember how much I spent on her wedding and expected not to spend much on mine. I was reminded that she’s not the type of friend to go out of her way for anyone. Thankfully I didn’t have to say much. My Maid of Honor did not play. She kept everything/everyone in check.
Precious says
Well, I went through the same thing. I lost 2 friends because of one not liking the dress I picked and another one because she wanted to be the Maid of Honor. I never thought I would see them act like that but like they say, weddings and funerals show you true colors. But nevertheless, one of my friends we are on a better term now but not like we used to be. And the other, well, she wanted my husband and wanted to be married so that friendship is out the window. But it is a hard journey and make sure you have people that believe in what you are doing and will be there no matter what. I can say that in my party after all the drama we had, we had people who actually believed in what we were doing and was happy like we were that day.
MissJay says
OMG! Girl, I understand. Didn’t lose anyone because of that though. We had 9 girls and like 5 or 6 guys. I didn’t have a dress problem. I had them all get a swatch of their respective color, gave them length requirement (long) and let them choose their own style dress. It turned out really well and no one had the same dress but each looked beautiful in their dress because it complimented them and their style/body type. Good luck! Looks like you’re moving along really well!
MissJay says
BTW-I believe you’re right and your “friend” is wrong. I wish I was offered a job w/that pay like her, I would’ve pounced on it!
Ed says
Wow… I wonder if my fiancée is going thru this with her bridesmaids???
Jonesi says
@Ed – at the very least, I’m sure she’s going through something…hate to sound negative but anyone in those shoes seems to be unable to avoid drama at some point.
I was one of those people who really felt to the core this would be an easy ride – NOT!
Gwen, just remember to stay focused on the most important aspect – the uniting of you and your mate. I had to remind myself of that quite frequently to stay sane at times. It was very draining at times and I just shutdown after a certain point. I didn’t want to talk about it, write about it…but when the day came, IT WAS FAB and nothing else mattered :-).
A couple of my issues?
– someone asked to be in my wedding, then I ended up footing the bill for ALL of her expenses. Still kind of salty about it as I type (lol), but no love lost.
– one pretty much abandoned me during the process, and we never really recovered as friends after that. People’s true colors seem to really come out OR you seem to see things more clearly in a time of need.
I’m not going to list all the negatives because the good DEFINITELY outweighed the bad and I learned so much about myself, my friends, and life in general – and came out of it a more refined and wise women…oh and WIFE! *blush* Have as much fun as possible. I know I did…my bachelorette party was off the hook *hehe* and I became so much closer with many of my friends in the process.
Miss Mae says
The first time I got married it was my mother’s wedding not mine. My parents paid for it so my mother had the big gown the long train, everything I didn’t want she got. I went along with it to keep her happy but I was young and let my mother mode me. I lost friends becaue of my wedding and just started back speaking with one of them. The best thing I enjoyed out of it was the catering it was fantastic.
But that was long ago, my second wedding we paid for it ourselves and I got the wedding I wanted. I enjoyed it so much more the second time, my mother got an invitation and no input in my wedding at all It was the best affair that I’ve ever had, I had the brides maids I wanted and I had the Grooms my husband wanted we had the best Reception that I’ve ever gone to everyone was so relaxed we had fun, we ate, drinked, laugh and had a great time. I didn’t get a videographer, or a photographer (on purpose) I just want to have a great time spending it with all the people that loved us and wished us well, that was almost two years ago and people are still talking about our reception.
My advise to you is to do it your way and leave the drama queens at home. It is your wedding your day and you should have it the way you want. You don’t owe anyone anything and if your friend can’t afford it she shouldn’t expect you to take up her tab as well as your own. Keep is moving she’ll be alright.
.-= Miss Mae´s last blog ..Dear Producers =-.