The past 18 months has been a season of reconnecting with old friends who I’ve lost touch with over the years. Some encounters have been GREAT others have been to gain closure and move on. One encounter in particular was with a gentleman I use to date. After having breakfast, which turned into lunch and then an early dinner, I left open to the possibilities of rekindling our relationship.
As we began to date and spend time with each other, we started to fall into a familiar routine. We were enjoying each other’s company and learning a lot about the new person we had both become.
One night during a great conversation, he mentioned taking our relationship to the next level. I had to really stop and consider what that looked like for me. The relationship was still relatively new, so I had to ask myself some realistic questions. I love this man, but could I see a lifelong commitment with him? I began to ponder the basic questions: what did I like and dislike about him? Do we have the same vision for marriage, finances, business and life, to name a few? As I listed the things I liked and disliked, I began to realize they were one in the same. For example, his entrepreneurial drive was very attractive to me, but it was that same drive that caused distance and challenges in our relationship.
As time progressed, the newness of the relationship wore off and the challenges we had experienced previously resurfaced again. We faced them head-on. But in the end, we knew we loved each other and wanted the same thing—but packaged differently.
He wanted a wife who didn’t mind being second and/or third to his business. I wanted a husband who put family first as we both worked our entrepreneurial endeavors. We wanted each other but in a different package. In order to compromise, someone would have to lose and it wouldn’t be fair to that person. So we chose to go our separate ways. We enjoyed our time together but settling was not an option, for either of us.
Our relationship was perfect on paper, barring our workable issues. We were good together, but we both wanted more. Sometimes you have to walk away from what looks good, if it doesn’t meet your relational needs.
I felt moving forward in the name of lust, loneliness or love would be a mistake for anyone. A decision to stay in a relationship out of lust will only fulfill the physical or emotional needs. A decision to stay out of fear of being alone may still not solve a void for companionship and happiness. But the decision to stay in a relationship out of love seemed easier to fathom, but it still gave me pause.
In cases where there is love, I believe you should choose to walk away from that relationship if by doing so you get the relationship you need and desire to make you happy. You should walk away from the love you shared out of the love for yourself and love that person.
Put loving yourself first over all other desires. If you don’t, you will be unhappy, alone and miserable.
BMWK, Why do you desire to have certain people in your life? Ask yourself, is it lust, loneliness or love?