Dear Dr. Buckingham,
I enjoyed your article about being saved, single and waiting. My question for you is how does a Christian woman express interest in a man without appearing to be the pursuer? My church mentor made me feel uncomfortable when I shared that I met a man under the strictest of platonic circumstances and that I felt good vibes from him and had an interest in him. She says that I was on the “prowl” because I shared how I was happy to meet someone on the same page as me for even the minimum of a good friendship.
First, things first! Do not allow anyone to discourage you from doing you. God knows the condition and desires of your heart. Communication is the key to human connection. In order to feel connected, we must express our needs and wants both verbally and nonverbally. Words and actions are critical methods for expressions and getting our needs met.
Here are three rules that single Christian women should follow when expressing an interest in a man.
Rule #1 – Speak with conviction and confidence. Let men know that you believe in and understand Proverbs 18:22. You also let them know that you will not waiver in your expectation to be treated like a precious jewel. Expressing interest does not mean that you are on the prowl. As the saying goes, “A closed mouth does not get fed.” Grown Christian women assert themselves and exhibit class. Say what you need to say and allow him and God to do the rest.
Rule #2 – Astonish him with your grace. Understand your worth and know your market value. As an angel of God, you do not have to convince a man of your worthiness to pursued. If he is man of God, he will recognize your worthiness and pursue you accordingly. Remember that over-sexualized behavior is not pleasing to God-fearing men. Respond to his advances, but maintain a certain amount of class and gracefulness. Let him know that you are open to dating, but never act desperately. Walk tall and with purpose.
Rule #3 – Operate with faith and know that God will send you a king when you are ready. Seek God’s glory, not man’s glory. Monitor your words and actions. If they align with God’s doctrine, you should not worry about how people view you. If a man expresses that he is interested in you, allow him to chase you.
Being passive will cause you to remain single. Expressing interest on the other hand will get you married. You should pursue your interest (marriage), but not chase men. If you are interested in a man he will never know unless you tell him. Use you words and actions. As a child, I enjoyed playing “Catch a Girl, Get a Girl”. Some men still enjoy this game. I caught my wife because she let me know that she wanted to be caught.
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to [email protected]
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.