by Aja Dorsey Jackson
Last week a Florida man landed in hot water when he boarded a school bus to confront students who bullied his disabled daughter. According to stories about the event, a few students on the bus put open condoms on his daughter’s head and hurt her by slapping her and twisting her ear. The father, James Jones, got on the bus and said “This is my daughter and I will kill the &%*$% who fought her” along with some other choice words to the children and bus driver.
Parents got up in arms and the father was jailed and charged with disorderly conduct. Some parents complained that their children had been traumatized by the whole ordeal. There has been controversy over whether the father was right or wrong in his actions, but as a parent hearing this story I know that I probably would have done the exact same thing.
I am typically a laid back person but-*putting on my angry black woman voice*- let somebody mess with my kids and see what happens. Not only do I think that this father had every right to defend his daughter, I believe that it was his duty to defend his daughter who has cerebral palsy and likely cannot defend herself.
Many have argued that he should have gone through the proper channels such as law enforcement or the school first, and maybe he should have, but on the other hand I think there are some instances where kids need to feel some good old fashioned fear in their hearts. I can only imagine what this father went through emotionally when his daughter came home and told him how she had been treated. What would you say to your child in that instance? Would you tell your child that you are sorry that it happened and that you are going to have to talk to the principal, and wait however long for a hearing and whatever disciplinary action that the school may or may not take while she continues to be harassed on the bus? Or would you recognize that your child needed to see someone standing up for her and to let everyone else know that you would do whatever it took to protect your little girl.
Rather than getting upset that their child may have been scared by this father, parents need to be upset that their kids were picking on this girl. Yes, there were other kids on the bus who weren’t involved in the incident, but as a parent I would think I could let my kids know that if they weren’t involved that they had nothing to worry about and if they were involved that they wouldn’t have to be scared of Mr. Jones because I would be handling them first.
As a culture, I believe that parents have come to rely so much on authorities, the school, the social workers, law enforcement, etc. that we make criminal offenses out of what used to be called good parenting. There once was a time when you were supposed to be afraid of somebody’s daddy, so much so that you knew that messing with his daughter was going to get you a potential beat down. I feel like more and more we are raising children that they don’t have to be afraid of anything which is why they continue to behave the way they do. Now not only are we showing kids that consequences are null and void, we are showing that parental authority has no place, and I think that is a dangerous message that we continue to send. I personally applaud Jones’ actions and I believe that if more parents were willing to be directly involved rather than handing over every problem to the schools we would be raising better children.
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Do you believe Jones was justified in his actions? What would you have done in his situation?
Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and public relations consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. Find out more about her at www.ajadorseyjackson.com or follow her on twitter @ajajackson.
Exactly, well said, bravo — to you AND the father.
I’ve had a similar situation with my youngest sister, who has a disability. When she was younger, children on her school bus were stealing things from her bag and harassing her. I responded in pretty much the same way as the man in this story (but with less cussing): I got on the bus and made sure the little hellions knew not to mess with my sister anymore. Fortunately, I didn’t face any legal repercussions, but even if I had, I would stand by my actions in defense of a loved one.
I absolutely agree with the fathers actions and definitely with your point of view Aja. We as a society have become so hypocritical its pathetic. We brow beat and condemn men who are considered ‘dead beat’ dads and have no interaction with their children. But in the same breath want to make an example of a man who is obviously not only involved but doing what a father is supposed to do, which is protect. I personally applaud his actions and pray that he doesnt regret them regardless of the consequences. The children that were so called ‘scarred’ by this incident are probably the ones with no home training and need some good ole fear instilled in them. Kudos to Mr. Jones for doing what he’s supposed to do and walking in his God given assignment….to protect his family at all cost. Its not like he got on the bus and put hands on anyone or displayed a weapon threatening the children. And the bus driver of all people should have been able to vouch for Mr. Jones and his right to defend his daughters safety and honor. I am more than sure the bus driver has witnessed this poor defenseless child being torchered day after day and did nothing themself. So dont be mad because Mr. Jones took matters into his own hands. What good would involving law enforcement or school administration had done when you had the bus driver right there, who is employed by the school system and represents them, and didnt act on the daughters behalf!! We need to get back to good ole fashioned values. It really does take a village to raise a child. So if you’re not doing your job, dont be mad when someone else does. Part of child rearing is about teaching your children that every child is different but special in their own way. And that it is not appropriate to tease or make fun of another child because of color, race or disability. Let’s do our jobs as parents people and not be mad at someone else doing theirs!!
Aja, I agree as well. I would not have used the same choice of words, but I would have let my present be felt. In fact I have had to have a conversation or two with a boy who was bothering my daughter and the teacher gave me the okay, she actually took me on the school bus where the little boy was sitting and introduced us. The teacher knew she wasn’t getting through to the boy, so she felt if he was able to see the parent of the child he was bullying it would make a difference. And it actually did.
Aja what a timely post. We recently changed school districts and my 11 year old daughter had 3 little boys tease her for a week straight to the point she told me she no longer wanted to ride the school bus. Of course the root cause was that she rejected one by saying she didn’t want to be his girlfriend. In our last school district everyone knew my daughter because of her older, louder sister. They are now at different schools. I initially advised my baby girl to let the bus driver know and then the teacher or office personnel. Needless to say her voice was unheard. Unfortunately I work an hour away so I was unable to handle it personally as Mr Jones did. But don’t think this “mafia queen” (lol) didn’t put the word out! I sent the rest of the Jones crew in my place (my 14 and 19 year old daughter). The VERY next day my girls were waiting on that school bus to roll up. And as soon as my baby got off the bus, those boys were right on her heels still talking smack. Too bad for them! My older girls ripped them a new one about talking about their baby sister. Oh no! You don’t mess with the Jones girls(yes their last name is Jones). All for one and one for all! Those boys didn’t know what had hit them. My girls never touched them but they let them know in no uncertain terms “this one right here, you don’t mess with. And if your mama has something to say about it tell her to see my mama”. Pardon me for a moment while I take the low road and say in my Chris Tucker voice “Man, why didn’t you tell me she rolled like this”. LOL Amazing that my daughter hasn’t had one unkind word said to her since.
As for the bus driver who witnessed all of this and didn’t immediately stop it, I dealt with her personally on my day off. I realize it may not be in your job description, but where in your mind do you feel it is okay to allow these children to be harassed on your watch??
I discussed this with my sister who is a psycholgist and we came to this conclusion. At some point in our lives we have all been bullied on some level. And if you weren’t bullied, maybe you were the bully. I didn’t realize she was bullied as a child. I remember I was bullied until I got fed up with taking the high road and turning the other cheek. It has a terrible affect on a childs fragile self-esteem and sometimes personal security. Luckily my bullying ended at just the teasing. But when I hear of the things going on in school where girls are throwing water bottles (not slinging the water) at other students and administrators it makes my blood boil. We need to start taking the time to parent which includes disciplining our children before someone else (another parent, correctional officer, warden) does.
I Agree 100%, I can get Madea and then some. Fortunately my child has never been bullied but I do remind to always advocate for himself. I also ALWAYS remind him, If I dont know, I cant help you!! Meaning always talk with your children after school even if all they say is “It was Fine”. Kudos to the dad and Aja!!!
I would have “made my presence known,” like Tiya said. I commend this father for standing by his actions and not backing down in spite of legal repercussions. This child psychologist who was interviewed is full of crap. What he said may apply to a certain demographic, but certainly not within the community I was raised in.
Any parent who says they would have done differently is telling a lie because I would have probably done worse, I would have slapped the fire out of the bus driver as soon as I walked on the bus for not stopping or reporting what was going on and the other kids parents have the nerve to talk about them being traumatized how in the world do they think that child feels and she is disabled and cannot defend herself?
The parents of the children who were doing the bullying obviously dropped the ball somewhere when it comes to parenting because why do those children not know that it is extremely unacceptable to bully someone who is disabled or anyone at all. Those parents should be held accountable because no one would have had to threaten my child about something like that because they already know I will beat the breaks off of them if I get wind of them doing something like that.
I would have done the same thing, and charges or not charges, if it didn’t stop, I’d do it AGAIN. This world is crazy when you can’t defend your own child.
I wouldn’t cuss at them, but I sure would flex. And I have. My daughter had been bullied and I had spoken to the school and they AND the parents were non-responsive so I went to pick my daughter up and in a nice, soft (and threatening) voice, I told the child (who was about a foot bigger that my kid and 30 pounds heavier) along with the school’s security guard AND the principal; that the next time somebody put their hands on her or even looked in her direction threateningly, I personally was gonna bring MY style of bullying. I never specified what that was, of course but it got the attention of everyone involved. By the time I had finished and walked away, they had called a meeting to meet with the child’s parents and I met with the dean of the school. I called the school district, got an advocate to speak for my daughter and family and the school district told the dean that they better deal with the bullying or else the district would deal with the dean. Needless to say, there was no more issue with the girl bullying or the school’s lack of response. Sometimes, you gotta get go all in without losing your calm and without yelling. But people have to know that you are not a weak parent and that you will not allow your child to be treated like that.
This is so sad to hear this Father apologize, FOR PROTECTING HIS LITTLE GIRL! The problem is parents allow so much bullshit in their own homes, they have no form of discipline, and get no respect from their own children, they feel like, “well he acts this way at home too”, therefor it should be acceptable. The one little boy said, you can’t just beat up somebody for messin’ with their daughter. Little boy….where I live……. it take 20 minutes for the cops to come. It won’t take me but three to crack your ass in half and leave you speechless, if you mess with children!
The reality is we are sending children into environments where there is a dirth of adult responsibility–first and foremost the denial of our responsibility to parent.
I think the ‘bullying expert’ both absolutely right–and dead wrong.
No–the father marching on the bus is not going to reverse the effect of systemic AWOL parents. But “parenting through channels” has its severe limits. The expert basically argues the parent needs to go off on the system–instead of the children on the bus. I would say it is both.
But frankly, most schools and school systems are too large to go off on. They will mute the advocate. This is where the expert is right–that there need to be systems of reporting.
And this is where her advice is self-contradictory. The Dad must protect. NOW. If the system doesn’t respond–which it most likely will not–he still must go.
The kids go onto this “parentless” bus everyday. I take my kids to school–partly to keep them off the bus. But also to project my presence to the school every day.
Last year, my 2nd grader talked to me all year about the behavior in her classroom. My kids routinely complain about noise levels and routine disrespectful behavior. I figured this is all that was going on. I did not observe the class until near the end of the year. I am very ashamed for not doing so. She was not being bullied–but the class was severely out of control. I let school know it was not tolerable. They did attempt some interventions–but it was weak. This is a quality school with good staff and great principal. But you could see all the countervailing forces immediately come to the fore that prevent clear and decisive action.
Children feel so vulnerable when their parents–especially their Dad–will not protect.
I have heard my children fantasize about their Daddy coming to the school and making all the adults (who my kids feel have been way out of line) sit down in a room with me.
A parent does not have to be everywhere–but a child must know the parent’s parenting extends everywhere they go. The only way that girl can get on that bus is if she knows, one way or another, that her Daddy will board that bus (physically–or through channels—or both).
i dont think he should back down,this charge is nothing compared to be a hero in his daughters eyes, what about charges of sexual harrassment for the boys who put the condoms on her. i would have had them arrested personally,because i know my kids need me out of jail not in it.
This bullying has evolved into it’s own with feet even that more attention should now be placed there because of the impact to a quality of life issue for children and even adults. Why is it that it is a chicken before the egg complex? Do we wait to see situations arise before we provide preventative measures to ensure it does not grow and develpoe a life of it’s own?Can’t we put this awful factor away for good for our children’s proper growth? Inmy days very few girls did bullying. Nowadays, I hear it is prevalent even in middle to upper income brackets. How many movies have I seen where this stuff goes on and affect our children? Shouldn’t be at all. What will it take.?
I have been known to give a kid the evil eye when he/she was messing with my child..but I have never used foul language. However, I don’t blame him at all…what those kids did to his daughter was horrible and the school should have acted swiftly.
Parents need to teach their kids that it is wrong to pick on other kids. I saw a news report on bullying this week and they said that the rate of bullying decreases when other kids jump in to stop the bully….to let the bully know that his/her behavior is not cool.
And while we are on this topic..what’s up with relatives bullying each other and the parents not saying anything. Have you ever had a cousin that you just can’t stand because they picked on you…but your mama and aunts and grandma…did nothing?? I am not saying this happened to me (wink wink.)
I agree with Mr. Jones and I am so sorry he had to apologize for defending his little girl. Our children are not safe….. If you are raising respectful upstanding kind children they are not safe amongst a whole new group of children that are raising themselves and having their bad behavior be defended by their parents…. It is outrageous it used to take a village to raise a child we would have come together as parents to deal with such issues and if Mr. Jones said leave my daughter alone there were no questions you did just that and hoped your family did not find out so not to deal with those consequences
everyone knew who my baby girl father was enough said
I would have to side with the father on this one. I would have gone to the police station and pressed charges on those children and the school officials for ignoring the fact. He would have prob still gotten more attention with this matter had he taken that route.
I wrote a blog post about this story simply asking what are these children thinking. I hope you enjoy it. https://www.iamsocialbutterfly.com/2010/09/childs-thoughts.html. please feel free to leave a comment.
I appreciate your comment. Sometimes when going to the School Board it does get “swept under the rug”. I read stories from State to State where parents did comfront the school about harrassment, bullying and nothing was done about it. What this father did was out of a “extreme fustration and anger”. Too many kids are killing themselves and it needs to stopped. If/When a parent is aggressive at home the kids do take it to the Sand Box and carry it to The Class Room. This father may have been wrong. He has a “Special Needs” child. Why is his child on the same bus w/little kids who obviousley have “Behavior Problems”?
that “expert” is full of CRAP! why should I have to pull my child from riding the bus instead of the kids learning a lesson that bullying is inappropriate???
Such a sad situation. I believe I would have done the same thing that Mr. Jones did. I’m sure he didn’t go on that bus with the intention of threatening to kill anyone but his emotions got the better of him and the words he was feeling came out. I applaud his show of affection, protection, and love for his daughter. Many more of us need to do the same, and that is to let society know that we will not let some punk kids with low self-esteem victimize our kids. As for the ones who were “scarred”, its the parents jobs to alleviate their fears and heal those wounds. Mr. Jones did what any real father would have done.
I was with the dad from the beginning!
I’ve had to discipline other people’s children when they think they can enter another person’s home and do what they want. I’m a young mother and expect my son to treat adults with respect and I’ve never had a problem with him…just other children.