By Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham
Values are traits that are considered worthwhile and represent an individual’s highest priorities and deeply held driving forces. Value differences in relationships mean that additional work is necessary to coexist in harmony. Therefore, it is extremely important to share similar core values with the man or woman that you choose to marry. Similarities set the stage for intimate relationships to develop. Individuals who appear to share similar interests and beliefs are more likely to enter into an intimate relationship. However, dissimilarity in core values will cause conflict.
I have provided counseling to hundreds of couples who were troubled because they did not share similar core values about communication, money management, expression of emotions and other issues that affect the quality of relationships. Interpersonal similarities are needed to develop a relationship, but similar core values are needed to sustain it. Value differences are either unrecognized or ignored in the beginning of most relationships because individuals believe that value differences should not be problematic for individuals who are deeply in love. Well these differences can be problematic.
Make sure that your core values are compatible with the any person that you are interested in. No other social institution is affected by the lack of similarities in core values like the institute of marriage. The best marriages have two individuals who are dedicated to working and developing similar core values””integrity, honesty, and mutual respect.
1. Integrity ““ doing the right thing when no one is looking.
2. Honesty – your word is your bond. Lying is not an option.
3. Mutual Respect ““ you treat others with respect regardless of their attributes.
It important to remember that values form the foundation for everything that happens in relationships. Whatever values you hold will inundate your relationship. If you are generally happy with your relationship, you probably selected a partner who shares similar core values. Conversely, if you’re not happy in your relationship, watch for dissimilarity between what you value and what your partner values. Military leaders realized that the oath alone, like marriage vows is too difficult to uphold during difficult times, so core values were designed to guide the behavior of all members in the institution. Core values inspire each member to do his or her best to preserve the institution and remind individuals of their commitment when faced with adversity. Be mindful that no two individuals are the same, but lack of compatible core values will destroy or create distress in your relationship. If you desire to be in a healthy relationship, work to establish similar core values if they do not already exist.
Meet Dr. Buckingham at the DC Premiere of his new film Qualified, Yet Single: Why Men Choose To Remain Single on June 21st. Click here for details.
Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham is a renowned psychotherapist, motivational speaker, author and activist. He recently released his newest book, “Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single”. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne Buckingham visit his website at www.DrBuckingham.com. You can follow Dr. Buckingham on Twitter @DrDBuckingham
having the same core values is key to a marriage surving the storms. intergrity, honesty, and mutual respect can go along way when issues arise that threaten to destroy your union. although a marriage is made up of two imperfect people, we are still accountable for our own behavior/actions so we don’t want to use our imperfection as an excuse to do what we know will/could destroy our marriage.
When two people can compromise and have a mutual understanding ofwhat each other believe in is priceless. It sets the stage for a strong foundation, especially when you reach a bump in the road. Remembering these values can sometimes save a marriage.
@laketarenal – I totally agree!