by Tara Pringle Jefferson
In the summer/fall of 2007, my husband and I went to weddings almost every weekend. Weddings were (and still are) one of my favorite ways to spend a Saturday afternoon/evening.
There’s the beauty of the wedding itself, with the decorations, color-coordinated bridesmaids dresses and the predictably cute flower girl and ring bearer. My personal favorite moment is when the groom gets a look at his bride-to-be. The look on his face says it all. Then it’s the fun at the reception. Music, good decent food, memorable toasts – and a chance to slow dance with your loved one. What’s not to love?
But then I noticed the following year we only went to one. The following year? Zero. This year? Zero. I’m pretty up-to-date with all my friends so I would know if they’re getting married or not. And it’s not a matter of whether we’re just not invited – it’s pretty clear: no one in our circle of friends is getting married anytime soon.
I thought that as we got older, more people would be tying the knot. Most of the people in my circle of friends are mid-to-late 20s, with a few in their early 30s. My husband’s friends are all 30+.
If I really sit down and think about it, all I’m really seeing is the recent marriage data at work. People are waiting longer to get married – heck, in some cases, they’re waiting longer to even date anyone seriously. They’re busy with launching careers, traveling the globe, and saving away for a rainy day. They’re loving the single life and I can’t fault them for that.
What about you? Have you seen a decrease in the number of friends getting married? How many weddings have you been to lately?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.
I’ve only been to 2 weddings in the last 3 years. The sad thing is that one of those was my own elopement. I think it’s great that people are focusing on launching their careers and following their dreams. However, I’m also seeing within my own inner circle that a lot of my friends are putting up with foolishness and replacing marriage with simpling just living together because 1-the guy doesn’t want to get married, 2-one is waiting for the other to get their stuff together and 3-they want the option of having an easy way out if the relationship hits a rough patch.
I’m experiencing a wedding spike after a drought of 10 years or so and I love it. Many are younger couples within the church who have chosen not to shack up or sleep together which these days seems to be the norm inside and outside the church. I just married 2 years ago at 41, part of it was choice and the the other was opportunity. There weren’t many quality suitors until I met my husband. At that point I had concluded I wasn’t going to get married and was finally ok with it. My job, my commitment to Christ, shopping, travelling and my family would be enough. But my husband found me like the Scriptures say and the rest is history.
Congratulations on your “recent” nupitals. 🙂
Congratulations on your “recent” nupitals. 🙂
Well considering I am in the 30 plus crowd, I have found my circle of friends to be opposite. While I am in the minority single and without children, most of friends are in fact married and coming upon 4-7 years of marriage with 2.5 kids.
I just send well wishes to everyone and the system that work for you, being single and being able to get up and go OR being married and loving the life with a spouse and children.
Well – the question is a challenge, because you may know about a lot of weddings, but due to the economy, you may only get invited to one or two. For last year, two weddings, for this year, I haven’t been to any – but I know about at least 4 or 5 …again, I may not be attending all 4 or 5, but those weddings will be happening this year.
I see a pattern with weddings/marriages, especially in the black community.
People either get married before 25 or after 35. Obviously there are exceptions, but in terms of seeing groups of people get married, there seems to be a 10-year drought period.
The people who get married early are the high school or college sweethearts and the couples that met in church when they were in their teens and 20s. If they don’t get engaged by age 25 though, there seems to be this period in which singles decide to be “free” and enjoy the fruits of their labor (education, new job) by saying they “aren’t looking for anything serious right now.”
Suddenly, around 35, men start feeling like it’s time to settle down and not be the old playa in the club… so the guys that didn’t make it to the altar early want to start nesting and planning for kids (or more kids) like, yesterday. Then the marriage wave starts again… or the women who put off serious dating/relationship plans get more focused on finding someone because they want kids/are tired of being alone/etc.
I got married seven months ago at age 32… but I married a guy in his late 30s, so I guess we fit in that category. I have a lot of single friends in their early 30s who do want to marry, but they aren’t even in relationships… so if they meet someone tomorrow and end up marrying him, they’ll probably be 35 or more when they tie the knot.
I would like to see more people in their late 20s getting married. I really think that’s a good age to do so.
I see a pattern with weddings/marriages, especially in the black community.
People either get married before 25 or after 35. Obviously there are exceptions, but in terms of seeing groups of people get married, there seems to be a 10-year drought period.
The people who get married early are the high school or college sweethearts and the couples that met in church when they were in their teens and 20s. If they don’t get engaged by age 25 though, there seems to be this period in which singles decide to be “free” and enjoy the fruits of their labor (education, new job) by saying they “aren’t looking for anything serious right now.”
Suddenly, around 35, men start feeling like it’s time to settle down and not be the old playa in the club… so the guys that didn’t make it to the altar early want to start nesting and planning for kids (or more kids) like, yesterday. Then the marriage wave starts again… or the women who put off serious dating/relationship plans get more focused on finding someone because they want kids/are tired of being alone/etc.
I got married seven months ago at age 32… but I married a guy in his late 30s, so I guess we fit in that category. I have a lot of single friends in their early 30s who do want to marry, but they aren’t even in relationships… so if they meet someone tomorrow and end up marrying him, they’ll probably be 35 or more when they tie the knot.
I would like to see more people in their late 20s getting married. I really think that’s a good age to do so.
I agree. That’s what I’m seeing in my circles, too.
I had 2 good friends get married this year, both in the late 30s-early 40s range, and I know of someone in their mid-20’s getting married this summer. Last year I was in 3 weddings, including my own, and we were all in 39. It seems to be running the gamut.
I’ve gone to weddings, for my Caucasian friends, but none lately for my African American friends. I am in the category of 30+ and career driven. I’ve enjoyed the single live and just put marriage and family on the back burner. And as a matter of fact, most of my inner circle has done the same. I hate to admit it, but I fit the stereotype of the educated, unmarried Black woman.