In our society, we like to reject the thought of being able to fall in love with just one look simply because, it is not realistic. I could easily tell you many stories of people who fell in love with just one look, but also many whose love was cultivated over time through friendship. In Song of Solomon 4:9 we enter into the middle of a romantic moment of two lovebirds,

“You have ravished my heart, my treasure, my bride. I am overcome by one glance of your eyes, by a single bead of your necklace.”

I want to extend this thought, how was he able to have his heart stolen by her with one glance? In the book, Dating with Pure Passion, by Rob Eagar states, “God created each of us as individuals with different likes and dislikes according to our personality and DNA.” He then goes on to state, “One way to assist in the dating process is to know what you like.” This is a great thought because many young adults DO NOT know what they like, or better put what they WANT in a future spouse (inside & out).

I believe this is one of the answers to how the lover guy was able to fall in love with the beloved girl with one glance of her eyes, because he saw her, and what he saw he had been waiting for(inside & out). I was not a believer of making a list but, after having a conversation with my Pastor one night when He asked me if I knew what my deal breakers were I wrote mine out. How would I recognize a counterfeit if she came? Well, many counterfeits came into my life over the course of my single years, and I can say it was having a list of the non-negotiable things that helped me say no when they poked their head up.

Non-Negotiable Qualities

The non-negotiable qualities include all the things you are confident that your future spouse must have. These qualities should be deal breakers. Here are a few examples, but note your non-negotiables will vary from someone else’s. I will give you the list I had before I met my wife. This is straight from my journal written on December 25th, 2012.

1. A woman who loves Jesus more than me and is infatuated with worshipping and knowing God.
2. A woman who loves people and counts it an honor to be called to serve others by laying her life down for them in full time ministry.
3. A woman who desires to be a wife and a mother with a heart to serve her family.
4. A woman who is beautiful to me in every way, physically and emotionally.

Negotiable Qualities

The negotiable qualities are those that you desire for your spouse to have, but would not turn them away if they did not have them. Here were a few of mine.

1. A woman who could sing.
2. A woman with a passion for fashion.
3. A woman who loves kids.
4. A woman who has long hair.

Take some time to make your list. Remember be realistic, but also do not settle. When I met my wife, she had everything on my non-negotiable list, but missed some on my negotiable list.  Which was okay!

BMWK: Have you already created a list? What are your Negotiable & Non-Negotiable qualities?