by Tara Pringle Jefferson
If I say so myself, I’ve got two pretty smart kids.
My daughter just went for her kindergarten assessment and at barely 4.5 years old, scored better than some of the five-year-olds (who are about to be six). The headmaster of the school called and said that many 4-year-olds are not ready to handle kindergarten but my daughter had an excellent skill set. We should send her.
My son (almost 3) is very talkative, knows his shapes, colors, letters, numbers, how to spell his first and last name, all that jazz. He’s very good with puzzles. He follows his sister’s lead in everything and if I had to make a guess, I’d say he’s more advanced than she was at that age.
But when I read articles like this, about a 5-year-old prodigy, I begin to feel a little inadequate. I read to my kids every night. We’re always talking about what we’re doing, going in-depth about why things are the way they are. I ask my daughter to spell the colors she sees, and we sound out words together. She’s well on her way to being a strong reader. We cook together, and I use that as an opportunity to teach them about addition and subtraction (“If I use three eggs, and four are left in the carton, how many did we start with?”). I take them places, regularly spending time at the library, the zoo, the bookstore, the children’s museum, the park.
But still. Doesn’t seem like that’s enough. Especially since they’re home with me now.
As a work-at-home mom I feel a lot of anxiety about the fact that I am working a good chunk of the day. I worry that I am not enough, that I am not feeding them the knowledge they need to be successful in school and beyond.
They’ve been in dance classes to help them channel some of that creativity they display every single day, and I’m looking for some art classes now. I’ve created new flash cards and posting “affirmation words” on their walls to help them feel smart, powerful and capable.
My biggest fear is that my kids grow up and be average. Just kind of floating through life, no direction or motivation. No internal force that drives them to be great. I hope they know that I expect greatness from them. I really do. Since they were young, I would pull them close and whisper in their little ears, “I see big things in your future, little one.” Ask my daughter wants to be when she grows up and she’ll tell you she wants to be a judge. I tell her she could be on the Supreme Court and she nods. “Yeah, that’s cool, too.”
Right now, I’m building a base for the rest of their lives. I’m trying to be even more purposeful about my parenting ““ being fully present when I’m in the same room as they are, being patient as we’re learning something new, planning more excursions that fit on my still-growing freelancing salary.
I do not want to let my children down. I do not want to look back and think of all the things I could do for them but didn’t. I don’t want my laziness (yeah, let’s call it that) to negatively impact their future.
Sometimes I feel like I’m putting undue pressure on myself. After all, like I said in the beginning, my kids are pretty smart. I don’t want to succumb to the pressure to make sure my kids are speaking 23 languages by the time they can wipe their own butts good. I don’ t necessarily want to be a so-called “tiger mom,” threatening to throw away all my daughter’s toys if she doesn’t master a complicated piano piece within a matter of days.
But I do want to push my kids. And I do want them to get all the opportunities they can. I want them to be confident in their abilities, love learning for the sake of learning, and be able to chart their own course as they grow up.
Is what I’m doing now enough? I don’t know. I have some thinking to do.
BMWK, how soon before you enrolled them in formal lessons of some sort – art, dance, music, sports?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.
All of my children, we’ve got 5, started some sort of extracurricular activity by the age of 3/4. I tried to select “fun” sportsy activities since I had them enrolled in an academic pre-school and they needed to exert that energy positively. Our oldest daughter, now 12, was able to recognize all letters, count to 100, spell her name(she’s got 4), write her name, and read her allergies by the age of 2 yrs 3 mths. Her k-6th grade school had to borrow reading tests and material from a nearby high school when she was in 3rd grade to accomodate her abilities. My younger 2 girls, 3rd & 4th graders, are following suit reading several levels above grade level and even our special needs son in 4th grade is reading on grade level but is well above in math skills. Their extracurricular activities have included drill team, Girl Scouts, dance, music lessons, tball/softball, ice skating, and gymnastics.
“Our” people fall far behind others when it comes to enrolling our children in some sort of structured activities. I can’t tell you the number of parents that I have come across that tell their kids they will be pro-ball players yet their child doesn’t have formal training until high school if at all. On top of the professional possibilities that come along with activities, your child has a social outlet that they enjoy and as a parent we have the chance to boast with pride “that’s my baby!!!”
I think part of being a good parent is always contemplating and acting on,”what can I do to make their future better?” That is our responsibility to them. We just have to be aware when we are pushing them too much. A bunch of extra-curricular is not worth it when all family fun time is sacrificed. So I say never just be content but know when to take it down…If that makes any sense…
Sometimes, I think just setting a positive example with the things you do at home make a world of difference. And I agree with you, TheMrs.
For example, I barely remember this, but I hear stories about it. My parents used to read the newspaper every day. So I wanted to read the newspaper too… I just read the comic strips and later read the rest of the paper.
20 years later, I became a newspaper reporter. No one ever pushed that career on me and I barely knew any journalists, but the seed was being planted without my parents even knowing it.
My brother liked reading the sports scores in the newspaper. Today, he works in a managerial role for a sports team… but there was no telling him that just because he liked sports that he would be a pro ball player!
We were involved in extracurricular activities outside the home too, and I plan to do the same for my kids. But I think the fact that my parents set particular examples for us in the home that went beyond plopping us in front of a TV or video games all the time really made a strong impact.
Sometimes, I think just setting a positive example with the things you do at home make a world of difference. And I agree with you, TheMrs.
For example, I barely remember this, but I hear stories about it. My parents used to read the newspaper every day. So I wanted to read the newspaper too… I just read the comic strips and later read the rest of the paper.
20 years later, I became a newspaper reporter. No one ever pushed that career on me and I barely knew any journalists, but the seed was being planted without my parents even knowing it.
My brother liked reading the sports scores in the newspaper. Today, he works in a managerial role for a sports team… but there was no telling him that just because he liked sports that he would be a pro ball player!
We were involved in extracurricular activities outside the home too, and I plan to do the same for my kids. But I think the fact that my parents set particular examples for us in the home that went beyond plopping us in front of a TV or video games all the time really made a strong impact.
As a teacher, mother, college adjunct, and tutor I can understand your concern about your children’s education. However, do not allow your comparisons of your children with their peers to make you second quess your parenting. There are and always will be children smarter than your children-that’s just a fact. I would just suggest that you keep doing what you’re doing and your children will turn out just fine.