How did you know your husband was “the one”? I get this question a lot. My initial response is this: “You just know.” But that answer never seems to satisfy the woman asking the question. So, I try and try again to explain what it feels like to be certain that you are marrying the right person.
As I reflected on my courting and engagement years, I was able to compile a list of 10 characteristics that describe “the one” for me. Your list may be similar or different from mine; however, I do believe there are some common characteristics shared by all who find their God-given mate.
For example:
1. You don’t feel the need to convince yourself or others that he is “the one.”
2. He encourages you to fulfill your dreams and to be happy, even if it means being without him.
3. He doesn’t pull you away from God but encourages you to draw closer to Him.
4. When you have disagreements or experience heartaches, his love doesn’t cause you emotional or physical wounds.
5. He respects your family and friends even if he doesn’t like them.
6. He’s willing to compromise and even sacrifice for the relationship.
7. You are his lady in public and in private.
8. He lets his guard down and expresses his emotions to you.
9. He actively loves his children (if he has any) and desires to be a loving father to yours (if you have any).
10. You feel better about yourself when you are with him and when you leave his presence.
The characteristics I listed give you something to think about as you date, but the final answer comes from God and God alone. So, at some point you have to stop consulting people and reading tons of books, and just ask God:
“Is he the one?”
Then be still, hear from God, and trust the answer you receive.
BMWK family, what else would you add to the list?
I knew my husband was the one, because of a sermon my pastor preached about a month before I met my husband. In the sermon he said “when God send you someone you want question it” after meeting my husband and then not seeing him for almost six months later I talked to him for the first time on the phone for two hours. In that two hours he told me his life story the good and the bad, fifteen years later I haven’t found anything he said was a lie. My husband and I dated for one month and he asked me to marry him. We were married five months later and had a beautiful wedding. My husband said to me “if I say I love you, you wont have to worry about nothing” and I haven’t. He is kind, soft spoken, gentle, a great father, friend, lover and most of all he puts God first and then me. A lot of people put their children first but God said your spouse is after Him. If you got a good man and cares about his family you want have to choose who is first, because that husband will make sure wife and children are taken care of. I thank God everyday for sending me a good husband and provider.
What a blessing. Thanks for sharing that.
Love love love this story God bless you and your husband.I pray to have the same story one day .
I grew up in a single parent household. All of my mother’s friends were single moms or were in very dysfunctional relationships. I had a jaded perspective of what a man-woman relationship should be AND how long it would last. Before I met my husband, I’d dated and also lived with one boyfriend. Although we were ‘together’, I never felt that we were ‘committed’–two very different words.
In the past, when dating, I would sometime look in the future and could see marriage to old boyfriends. However, I could also envision the divorce.
When I met my future husband and started dating, I immediately noticed the difference.. It came down to his attitude toward me. He was committed. When I started dating my husband, the divorce vision did not come.
We’ve been married (happily and drama-free) 20 years and have 3 kids. Praise the Lord!
I love reading things like this. It just gives me hope, being a single mom who had both parents in the home coming up as a child. I recently had similar feelings as the ones listed above about my last boyfriend. I truly believed that he was the one for me no matter the distance. He was open with me, was a loving father to his son and cared deeply about my daughter. He seemed to be all I could ask for and more until the day he left me. Before him I thought I could never love again but he proved me wrong and he seemed to genuinely love me. Making plans for out future as well as the kids. And to be honest when I first met him, I had no intentions on really being with him. I was to focused on me and my daughters’ life and trying to make things better for us. Then he comes along sweeps me off my feet and steals my heart…which he currently still has cause I just can’t let go, not having the closure I would like so I can move forward with or without him. (More likely without him.) Well, here I am asking why me? What happened and when are those moments of pure happiness gonna come back, while my heartaches for the one i thought was “The One”.
Sometimes I find myself getting down….I’m very navie to dating and what not. I had a difficult time trusting the one guy I let my guard down for. I dint trust him and LfektL a lot of negative emotions. I have a hard time trusting men period bc I was beat on my my moms ex. I really thought to myself a lot and would make things up in my head to fufill the so called negativitey I thought was going on. Looking back I made a lot of assumptions and diresoectful comments…when I find myself getting down I think of hima I let another guy kiss me and it was horrible…all I could think of was him…. some1 told me to 4get him and see that he didn’t like me and he only liked my attention thts why I only heard from him on certain days….and dear lord I am trying 2 believe and accept that with all my being. Bc emotions never guided me right….let it go coz he sure ain’t checking for me…but my lonliness makes me miss him and I no its wrong…don’t need no more opinions when I hear and am willing to accept so I can forget what I think I feel as being true when its sadly not….
Your gut instincts are never wrong. I did the same things too. I acted like I didnt see the signs or I made excuses for them. Some days are good and some are not. Write a list and weigh the pros and cons about being with him. If it is a tie, get rid of him anyway. The goal is to find someone who makes you mostly if not completely happy.
I am not married yet, but I did have the experience of living
with a man and thinking he was the one. I will NEVER do that again. At the time
I did question his behavior, but I was so swept by my feet, I was in the
Honeymoon stages they call it. So at the time it clouded my thoughts. However
we rush the relationship and move in together quickly, he was so into marrying
me. There is nothing wrong, when a man wants to marry you as soon as possible,
but I think he was not ready, he just wanted to marry and have kids to get it
out the way. We didnt take the time to know each other. Because when we played
house he showed another side of him that I never saw. I do agree when your
husband is the oneYOU WILL KNOW IT, you wont questions his motives and
behaviors. It will be a sure thing. I wasnt thinking of marriage at the time, he brought
it up and said I am the one, well 6
months later his real side came out, he said he wanted out and wanted to see
what else was out there. Ok no problem. I told him please dont come back ever.
I think we as woman need to know our worth, and dont compromise yourself for a
ring. I really agree #3 He doesnt pull
you away from God but encourages you to draw closer to Him. Living with a man
is a bad choice. I say have standards, stick to them and when the one comes
along, you will know. God is control
UH OH.. My guy missed the ones with the family. My brothers and sisters dont like him because of they way he talks to people. He comes off as being arrogant but he always means well. He has the biggest heart of anyone I know. He’s a very straightforward guy but my brothers and sisters thinks he’s a butthole. My mom and dad love him though so that enough for me!
I loved your list of reasons. Even though you say they may not apply to everyone they should. Your husband’s actions toward you should be universal in all relationships.
Simple…yet just right… It helps…
I thank you for your list….even though you said that it is relative, to each individual, I think it was on point for any relationship.
I am posting these on my mirror as a constant reminder of what i have always known i wanted, but compromised on.
As far as my relationship goes only 3,5,7 and 9 papply. I stumble on this web site for reson. I really do need help I love my husband. and I’m trusting god in being married. But the truth is I’m not happy and for some reason my husband trust a pretien like he doesn’t understand why. We are very young and are Godfearing people but for some reason we cannot get it to work. we at right all the time for God to help us in our marriage but we have not seem to have that breaks through that we need yet. At this point I am very desperate for answers divorce is not an option. I love god and I love my husband. the truth is the ymore problems we have the more I question God. my relationship has brought me to the lowest point in my life. I’ve even tried to commit suicide. the truth is I can say bitch I’m happy now but I’m really not I’m just learning how to cope with how things are and I do not want to do that
I do apologize for the misspelling jumbled words and bad words but my phone is acting up any not lettin me to read anything I would like to extend my husband is not a monster he is a god fearing mean he does love me but we have his lost our way any help anyone can give me or suggestions would be greatly appreciated thank you and god bless you
I don’t know you or your specific circumstances, but since you said both of you fear and love God, I will share some insight on that basis. In the early years of my marriage, my wife and I argued a lot, usually what would seem to be minor issues. in our 3rd or 4th year of marriage, a friend suggested we attend a marriage conference that was being held in our city that year. It was sponsored by a Christian organization.
Some of the things that we learned was that 1) don’t try to control the other person in order to “make them make you happy”. Some people enter marriage thinking that their spouse is “supposed to make me happy”. If you are expecting your spouse to spend money on every and any thing you want, it will cause a strain on the relationship. Focus on the getting things that you really need first. 2) Remember what attracted you to each other in the first place. It may be that you talked and listened to each other for long hours. Now you are so busy making money, taking care of kids, or some other activities, that you don’t spend that much time with each other anymore. Find some time each week where it is just you and your spouse, even if it is only for a few hours. 3) Don’t take each other for granted. If someone takes the time to cook you a meal or run an errand for you, or whatever they do for you, whether it is a special effort or something routine, say thank you and show appreciation for what they have done.
4) Respect the differences between you. Don’t expect your spouse to be everything to you. In other words, you may have some hobbies that you love, but your spouse has little interest. My wife loved sewing and making clothes, but I had zero interest. I loved playing chess, but she did not want to learn how to play. If you take the attitude of “If you love me, you will do anything I ask you to do”, then you will have many problems in your marriage. It shows insecurity on the part of whoever makes this statement.
5) Share your faith with each other. Study the Bible, read scriptures aloud to one another, pray together before you go to sleep. It will help in growing your faith and applying the Word to your every situation.
These suggestions won’t make a marriage perfect, but these did help improve our marriage.
I met my soon to be husband when I was 13 and we lost touch for a little while. I saw him again when I was 25 but at that time I was not ready to be in a relationship after I broke up with my previous bf which was a painful breakup. But in 2010 we met back up and when I saw him for the first time after all those years I knew he was it for me. I don’t know what it was but he was what I wanted for a long, long time.
When I first laid eyes on my husband I knew that he would have good obeying children. 25 years later and 6 children later I was right. It was his character that drew me, then his wisdom and warmth. Our children are awesome in character because of him and me. To anyone who is looking for a husband do not look to TV and celebrities because they are mostly fickle people. You must ask the right questions and be equally yolked. Read the Bible and Quran because in these books they guide you to the proper treating of husband and wife.
Hmm…well, my story is just weird. I met this guy about a year ago, through a friend…and he seemed like a special delivery from heaven. He seemed to be just purr-fect for me. I cud barely find a single fault in him…I mean it…tall, nice body, loving, caring, good attitude, lovely family. But then after spending about 3 months together, I had to move and he promised to move too, within the next few months. He didn’t move. Things just weren’t working out! He just kept postponing things, kept taking things for granted, couldn’t get a job in the same state that I was…with time…I fell out of the love bubble…I met other guys, smarter guys, rich guys. My guy isn’t smart, and isn’t rich…hell, I earn more than triple what he earns. But then I decided to date him because he’s such a good guy and he loves me. Another big problem, my dad didn’t approve of him (says he doesn’t look responsible enough for me)…my dad even forbid me to ever talk to this guy ever again! And now my dad has passed away. And I’m just in total confusion. This guy has nothing to offer me at the moment but marriage and love but I’m not ready to get married to a loser. I need ur advice ladies…