I (TheDad) saw this over on videojug.com:
Keeping a man faithful is not as difficult as it may appear at first. For starters, most men WANT to be true to their spouses, but for that extra boost to ensure fidelity, try these steps.
Steps
- Respect him. Without fail this is the number one thing that men need and want from their girlfriends.
- Remind him everyday as to why he’s with you. In other words, take time to make him feel special as if he’s the only one in your life.
- Validate your man on a daily basis. Whether he works outside of the house or is a stay-at-home dad, your man still needs to feel like a man. You know he is, make sure he knows it as well.
- Appreciate all the things he does for you. It doesn’t matter whether those things are big or small, they are worth, at the least, a thank you.
- Spice it up every once in a while. Tell him your fantasies, listen to his. Don’t be afraid to experiment.
- Laugh. Laugh often, but with him, not at him. Tell him a joke that you think he might like or clip out comics from the newspaper and place them on the fridge.
- Listen first, and then talk. Let him finish what he has to say before you interrupt. Ask questions if you’re not sure about what he said.
- Be his biggest supporter! Men don’t like to admit it, but they need reassurances too. and by showing him that you support him and are there with him through day to day life will ensure that he doesn’t have a need that someone else will happily fill for him.
- Don’t lose your own self respect. Stop blaming yourself and understand that some things are beyond your control.
Tips
- Patience is key. Your man may not respond immediately to any of these techniques right away as change is difficult to both acknowledge and accept, eventually though, he will come around.
- Think before you gripe. What you may perceive as venting, just may come across as bitching to him which may cause him not to listen when you have a real complaint.
- Apologize with caution. Most (but not all) women have a tendency to over-apologize. If this is you, don’t say “sorry” unless you really did something wrong and don’t say it if you don’t mean it.
Warnings
- If you are getting abused by him in any way, don’t remain silent. Do something about it – tell your best friend/a person you trust or call the police.
Alright, who agrees with this? I already know what some of you are going to say but I’ll wait for you to say it before I comment. Is the list true or just junk? Let us know.
Excellent Post. But sadly, some woman will do all those things for their man and he still will cheat.
JUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate when people do articles about what a woman needs to do to keep her husband happy! Please, so if I don’t validate my husband on a regular basis he has a pass to cheat on me. I am not a mind reader, you need to tell me if you having issues.
The bottom line is that a man that decides to get married needs to be confident and man enough to talk to his wife if he has an issue and then they should work it out. If you can’t do that you shouldn’t get married. Games are for kids.
Are you kidding me? How do you find such bad articles.
Basically this article is saying that it is the woman’s fault if her husband/SO cheats.
Are you two years old? This is how I would treat my child. Do you really expect me to treat a grown man this way?
I am all for boosting someone’s ego, but give me a break. That article is beyound ridiculous.
LOL. I knew this would be a article that would promote conversation. LOL
I still agree with the post. There’s nothing wrong with doing the things listed above for your man. Will it stop him from cheating? Probably Not. I created a post on another site for the males asking them what they do to keep their woman happy, since their are always post about what a woman should do for their man. Let me tell you, only about 3 males responded. I can’t say that I’m surprised. I see woman on a everyday basis put more into their relationships than what they get.
I’m just tired . Relationships are a joke now
This is ridiculous.
Nothing will stop your man from cheating if he wants to do so (or woman). This article is fundamentally flawed. Cheating has more to do with maturity and selfishness as opposed to what is happening at home. I would argue that this advice is more appropriate for men in regards to women. Women tend to cheat for neglect, where men cheat for selfish gormandizing reasons.
Btw, I am a man.
You could have a woman doing all of those things time ten, but if a man is selfish and wants more, he is going to cheat
Okay, not out of the sexist paradigm. The sexist undertones of the article are obvious and I’m sure that’s what the Dad is waiting for lol (he knows how to keep up coming back lol). The idea of a “burden to “keep” someone faithful” is absurd.
Basics will help: Selflessness, communication, and honesty.
Political,
Nice blog! I really like your website! (Okay, back to the topic).
I disagree with you in part. I agree with you that cheating is about selfishness, but realistically, black men need the support of their women. It is her duty. The only reason this seems sexist is because it is a ONE SIDED post. Usually the other sex is hyper-sensative when reading what THEY are supposed to do.
There is also a list that MEN need to do, but that is not what the article is addressing at this point. The article is focusing on women, so you are mixing the message. The author did not say, the man’s job is to sit back and let the woman do this, if not, it is permissible to cheat, rather, the article speaks about ways to mitigate or stop it before it happens.
If we want to create healthy families, we have to understand that our progressivity has nothing to do with our careers. My wife is submissive, and I am submissive to her when she needs it. I don’t abuse it. She has a great career and the two are mutually exclusive.
There is a fine line between theory and practicality, even in a partnership, both parties need things.
I would amend the title to say “How to treat a man in order to maintain a healthy relationship” and drop the cheating part. I think the list is great! I would add a tenth nugget, though. Give him space every now and then. We men need that. Sometimes we simply do not want to talk.
It is funny to see some of the female posters get offended. Ladies it is not your responsibility to validate your husband to keep him from cheating. However two people who are mature enough to understand human nature and the dynamics of a SUCESSFUL marriage know it is imperative that both spouses validate each other to maintain a healthy relationship.
My wife has a relationship with me that no other woman has. Every now and then she needs that exclusiveness and specialness validated. That validation can be achieved through many of the points list above. This need does not make her weak. It makes her human. I have the same need for validation.
And to clarify, the validation I speak of is NOT personal validation or validation of self. It is validation of my relationship with my spouse. It is validation of my role in her life. If you think this is not needed, then I hope you are not married.
Successful my dude. Two “C’s”… and you put it in all caps too lol. I agree with ya T.
Peter,
I actually spelled check it too! I guess I this one got me a little hyped up.
I know, I’m just picking with ya
I think you can change to title of the article to “How to Treat Your Man or Woman So That He or She Doesn’t Cheat.” The items listed in the article are essential for maintaining any relationship. You must constantly show your mate that he/she is the the most important person in your life. While it is true that a person who has his/her mind set on cheating will do so anyway, it is not a reason to refrain from working on growing a stronger relationship.
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Personally, I think the list is great! I take no offense to the title or topic of the article because there are numerous articles out there providing men with relationship tips, as well. Additionally, I don’t think the title was meant to be taken literally. Entering into a relationship is a gamble no matter how many tips we employ. But as the old adage goes: You reap what you sow. Putting in a positive effort (like the above tips) could only help your situation and decrease the likelihood of your partner cheating. But we all know, some people are just going to do what they want. In these cases, wouldn’t it feel good to walk away with a clear conscience knowing you did all you could on your end?
As a woman, I don’t see the problem in taking an active interest in pleasing my man. If what we have is a true relationship then reciprocity is a given. If my mate is not actively seeking ways to better our relationship and keep me happy, then I need to reevaluate my choice. I think society’s attempt to erase gender roles is contributing to the disintegration of monogamy; more specifically marraige. No, I’m not June Cleaver and I don’t think a woman’s place is barefoot and pregnant. But I do think alot of women are angry and hurt from failed relationships or believe that being financially self-sufficient gives them the right to emasculate the men in their lives. But these same women don’t understand why they have trouble finding or keeping a man. Women need to feel needed, validated and appreciated. So why don’t men deserve the same?
Call me confused, but I really don’t see what the big problem is with the article.
LOL, these types of “articles” always cause drama.
I don’t know, I think cheating has a lot more to do with a breakdown in communication than anything else. Communication is key. Also, women cannot get so offended if he tells you he is unhappy about something. 9 times out of 10 he will admit that it is also his fault. Men can be very honest if they feel comfortable opening up.
My husband has been pretty blunt when there have been “dry spells” in our marriage. Mainly after we had a baby and I was breastfeeding and just not at all feelin’ it. LOL. But he was honest and I had to see where he was coming from. We still needed to connect in that way and part of that was my job too.
So I think everyone needs to just chill out and think about your particular partner. Chances are he/she has tried to let you know they aren’t getting what they need. You can either choose to ignore it, place it on YOUR value system as opposed to theirs, or try and make them happy.
I don’t think most men want to cheat. It takes too much time and energy and work. He’d rather just get what he wants from his wife which is why he got married in the first place, right?
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Good stuff Huemanity. Especially the part about placing someone’s viewpoint in your value system as opposed to theirs.
I like the list, but I still agree with a couple of other posters. Unfortunately, a person could do everything on that list and still end up getting cheated on.
I still think the list provides some good things that both spouses can do to keep their marriages on the right track.
Also, while it’s directed at men, the rules seem pretty gender neutral.
I was busy working today so I couldn’t jump back in until I got home. Lets start the week off with some conversation. I think there were some very good points made and I love that the brothers represented on this one. I have a special post I have planned for the men but I wasn’t sure if it was gonna work but now I feel like I can do it and the men will have my back. Check for that tomorrow, it will be a good one.
Back to this I personally think men are wired differently and need that little pat on the back and need to know that they are needed. It may sound silly but that’s what I think. Men have that ego thing going on and it is what it is. Now that’s not to say that women shouldn’t receive praise and adoration. I’m always trying to let my wife know how I feel about her and how I appreciate what she does. That’s one thing she’ll never be able to call me out on.
Now all of this has no bearing on whether the man will cheat or not. Some men have this and more and still step out but I think doing the above for both men and women will add to the relationship.
*Agreeing 100% with Misbeehavin*
This goes both ways… and I’d like to add Rule #10 Be Fair
I like this list as well, but I agree with some of the other posters. If a person male or female wants to cheat, it does not matter if they have the best spouse in the world, they will still cheat.
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I feel like my post would be like a broken record. I agree with a lot of posters. I really agree with Maximum. I personally try just about everything I can to make it work. Then I can walk away knowing that I did my part and then some. It may take a lot out of me, but no one can say I didn’t try.
That being said the other posters are right that it doesn’t matter if the person will cheat anyway. They can be getting everything they want and need and then some, but if they are basically one who cheats all the time, they will cheat regardless. I know because I know people who are like that. Even if the relationship is going along fine they cheat. The relationship hits a problem, no matter how big, they cheat. Don’t even try to work it out. And that’s just dating someone exclusivly.
I appreciate the effort, but I guess you expected some backlash. I agree that (black woman especially) take our men for granted SOMETIMES and we walk around with attitudes and forget to be the nurturing, loving women we are supposed to be, but why do we have to hold a man’s hand to keep him from cheating he should just want to be faithful because he genuinely loves a woman. I know some women-and some men-who will stand by their love even if that person loses limbs or their reproductive organs. It goes both ways, but if a woman gains weight the man cheats,but if the woman doesn’t gain weight the man will still cheat because some men are just that way. I love my husband unconditionally and I wouldn’t cheat on him or find any little reason to cheat on him, so why is it that we woman have to do things to keep a man. I think that we need to stop babying men and start teaching them the right way to treat a woman, that should be your next post (1. Stop finding excuses to cheat 2….). I just feel that even though woman cheat too men are the worse because some (not all) act like they have no self control and the minute a woman messes up just a little, the relationship is a mess and he has to go and cheat: ex: “You don’t cook, so I slept with your best friend, she cooks”. Our culture is so screwed up with people being oversexed especially with these horrible music videos. A man even uses sex for power because raping usually isn’t about the act of sex it’s about control, but how does ones mind lead to that type of control? When will our men find a higher thought process? You guys really need to stop thinking with your peen and start thinking with your brains and stop always equating sex with, well pretty much everything. New flash: sex and love are not the same, you can have one without the other and a lot of times,it is lust you are feeling, not love.
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I wrote a post yesterday along this topic (The War Between The Sexes In The Black Community) that you and your readers might be interested in. It addresses the roots of this issue.
Kit (Keep It Trill)s last blog post..Hard Rocks Love 7: The War Between The Sexes In The Black Community
I did not read all the comments. I have not been in the room for a few days. I have been hooked on the news. Obama was in my city and burbs for the past 3 days. I will add to this post that you can’t stop anyone from cheating. You can give a spouse all the things they want, need both physically and mentally but it is up to them to restrain and remember the vows shared. I do not believe all men cheat as much as I don’t believe all woman cheat. Sorry, have to join the dabate chat.
from what I’ve learned first hand from experience is that if you’re too nice, people will walk all over you. My whole life (17 years) I’ve only done for others, and never for myself, for that is what makes me happy, and I’ve never gotten the recognition that I deserve, girls, the guys want someone to love them, true..but what about the chase, even later into a relationship, or into your lives..he needs to know that you can’t be walked all over. I have been with my current boyfriend for 3 years, I did everything that I could for him, so much, that I let myself go. He doesn’t want a mom, he wants support, yes, but he also wants to know that YOU know that you’re worth it. I found this to be true after many months of grieving after walking in on him with my friend.. iot hurt, but it was a real eye opener.
I really belive that a man will be a man n these situations.I feel like if you are not happy in a situation get out of don’t bother hurting innocent people.
Some men are just never satisfied! You go out of your way to do what you think will make them stay, and they still screw up! It depends on the type of man you’re dealing with!
Good Luck,
The two reasons why men are likely to cheat is because so many sistah’s are attracted to married men. The other reason is that wives mistreat their husbands.
As a single profesional black male, my married friends have more women that I do. And make no mistake, my married friends are no better looking than me.
I believe the attraction has to do with “he married the other woman, bought her a house, so if I can get him away from her he will do the same for me.”
I also believe that there are many sistah’s who are emotionally immature/unstable and enjoy the “drama” of getting involved with a married man.
The other reason that married man cheat is that their wives mistreat them by denying them sex, etc.
If you are sistah’, your best bet is to treat your husband right and watch out for the other women…
First time on this site and I love it.
Just wanted to mention that no matter what you do for your spouse, if they want to cheat, they will…even if you break out the cuffs and swing from the chandeliers…
Cheating has almost nothing to do with how a person is treated. It’s more about loss of the emotional connection that brought two people together. Once your spouse forgets your true essence and why they were attracted to you in the first place, it’s a death sentence for the relationship. I think we as women forget how to remain true to ourselves… true to the exciting, loving and interesting person our spouse fell in love with. We let every day pressures change us…and usually not for the better.
How do I know all this? I’m a mistress…and not for money or anything. It just fits my situation right now. I love him but not sure if I want him “till death do us part”. He even wanted to leave his wife but I asked him to wait a bit till I’m sure of what I want. Sometimes I wish I could give women advice on how to keep their spouses happy or at least interested, but most people are too judgmental to hear what I’m saying.
My two cents…
Wow. This article was so one sided. Those “tips” were hilarious. It seemed as if she were giving tips on how to keep Mister from The Color Purple happy. It takes both people in the relationship to make it work; not the woman running behind dude all of the time like a scared, lovesick idiot rubbing his back and whispering “you matter” in his ear cause he is not feeling the love from you and world.
I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with this article. Every relationship requires AT LEAST 100% effort on both parts in order to remain successful. The problem arises when one person is giving way less in proportion to the person receiving.
As a wife, I feel like doing the thing on this list are an obligation that I took on when I said “I do.” I don’t do these things for and with my husband because I’m afraid he’s going to cheat; I do them because I love him. It’s not lip service. My love is outlined in the actions that I take.
There have been times when I felt like it wasn’t being reciprocated, which made doing that list more of a chore than the passion it normally is. The only thing that resolved it was deep communication between us. If we were unable to do that effectively, we called on our pastors (a husband and wife team) to help walk us through the resentment and misunderstandings.
He’s going to do what he wants to do. I believe he won’t cheat on me because he loves the Lord, not because I treat him with respect. But if he ever has a brain fart and decides to go down that road, I won’t be sulking, wondering what I did or didn’t do as his wife to make him stray.
We are of the philosophy that our marriage is a competition. We try our best to outdo one another in giving. Some days he wins; some days I do. But for the most part, we’re tied. LOL
Well Harriet. I guess you told us!…lol. Never too late to learn something and I agree with you 100%. Thanks for your point of view!
I agree wth most that if a man or woman is going to cheat, there is nothing you can do to stop it. It’s personal, not associated with what “the other” does or does not do.
btw – I’m sure I saw this topic in Ebony/Essence… LIKE EVERY ISSUE! It seems to me that a majority of women have nothing else to focus their attention on besides men. They get together to talk and it’s about men, and it’s a shame. Men, in our conversation do not talk about women.
Imagine the following situation ever happening…
One man talking to another man –
“Dude, last night I came home and my wife was sitting on the couch with her hands in her panties scratcing. She didn’t cook nothing! I was so mad I could’ve SCREAMED, but I didn’t say nothing. I took her out to dinner, and I HAD TO PAY FOR IT. Can you believe that?
“Ooooohhh, man-friend, I wouldn’t take that off NO woman! You’s a good one. If my wife did that to me, I’d put her OUT!”
“I know. All she does is talk on the phone to her friends and watch Sex in the City. What I should do is stop paying the electric bill. That’ll teach her!”
“Ooooohhh, that’s what I’d do, brother. How’s the sex?”
“It’s good. That’s why I’m not going to put her out.”
“Ooooohhh, you said it bro, I HEAR YOU!”
The above conversation is not going to happen, believe me.
Misbeehavin said she posted a topic about what men should do to keep their women and 3 only men replied. You know why? Because, men for the most part realize that it’s not in our power to make somebody else happy. You can only focus on you. Good luck to you if you’re waiting for someone to come along to make you happy.
You ever wonder why, at weddings, women are giddy out of their panties to catch the bouquet, but when it comes time to throw the garter, men are no where to be found? Think about it.
well said Ewok.
thats fine bt then men wl always be men,do them all those good things bt they will still cheat on you.
Lets say your favorite cookie is chocolate chip. Suddenly all you can have is chocolate chip for the rest of your life. So you try cc ala mode, cc with milk, cc with some nuts added. There only just so many ways you can have chocolate chip. In the course of a lifetime you are going to want tot taste something else. Over 80 years the same flava??!!! That is unreasonable. Other than that you have a fighting chance if the person you choose actually likes you and your ways when you aren’t on your backside. (That should be most of the time.)
ruffyy
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Men have an autonomic response to look at other women. It’s not their nature but it is nature. The way men are constructed. It’s a biological function that helps the man to determine if a woman is mature and fertile. Men look at the outline of a woman before dwelling on the features. If she has a mature figure and he enjoys what he sees then he will smile a smile of approval or take the next step to try and initiate a bonding. It’s nature, it’s natural. But remember, there is someone out there for ya. There is a person, if you or the other person is married or any combination thereof, you will lose your mind and bond. In the space of 80 years there is a good chance you will meet that person and you will do what you can. it won’t matter how good your relationship is. If it happens to you do your best to forgive the other person if they have been good otherwise. God implores you to forgive!!!
ruffyy
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I love this article, it gives me more of an insight on what is needed to real keep a marriage together. Especially when one of us works out of the household. I will try these things to see if they will work. Most of them I am already doing but there are somethings I could always be doing better to make him feel like a man.
I gave my BF all this, I never goat him cheating but found pic and sms’es from other girls and phone numbers are been saved as dad or mom but it isn’t there numbers, I used my car allowence for a deposid for a flat and payed his car licens, I also got him a new phone on my foshini account……..We broke up this weekend and I moved out, he didn’t even try to stop me and say I love you, he just laughed and said, I’m making a mistake and i’m going 2 regred this, and that he did nothing wrong……..He even has got the nerves to ask if he could lend rent money……..and I gave him a teddy back that he baot me and he through it away, when i asked him y he said cause I don’t want to cry every night……..Almost every body knows me and know who is my new bf and thay all came to my mom and told her he is cheating on me………He say’s it’s a lie, and that every one is uding me cause I am friendly and always lend money to people and not expecting it back………..Why would people do that, or why would he do that………..I realy did all this but hearing these stories all the time made me mad so i kept asking him about these stories, We’ve been together for 10 months, and been living together for 8 months. And I don’t understand why he and my ex ex bf would still do the same even if I treat them nice……….all I eve wanted was just to feeel special and be treated diffrent in a good way from other girls but some time I feel like them or like he’s sister……He said I gave him to much shit the past vew months about all these stories but before this people come to my mom telling this to her and girls came to me and showed me the sms’es he send………….
This article and all the other should say that you should think of your self first and then him, cause after it doesn’t work out you’ll always feel that you wasted your time with him……….”Die ware Jannie kom eers uit as jy by hom in trek!!!!!” meaning you get to know some one once you live with them………….
and no matter what you do will stop or make you happy……..so make your self happy first or you will never be able to make someone els happy………….
Flooi
THE ONES THAT ARE DISAGREEING WITH THIS ENTIRELY, I GUARANTEE U ARE SINGLE ARE ON THE WAY TO BECOMING SINGLE.
I agree with the article however, the article should be titled “How to keep your man happy”, not “How to keep your man from cheating”. Because if he’s going to cheat it doesn’t matter what you do.
i agree. well maybe its because myman is sensitive some are just cheaters and some are faithful..it depends on ur man. but i already do these things and not EVERY day. they do work. a woman always wants those things from a man so y cant we do it to them…me and my husband take the time to do these things on a day to day basis if not day to day then everyother.
i agree with tracy…u cant keep ur mn from cheting ….no way…but u can keep him happy.and oe for the best..but u souldnt ever think ” i have to do these things so he wont cheat” because then if he doesnt react u might catch urself accusing him from time to time
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OK so I read the article as well as various comments and I agree. I had a relationship of 5 years in which we both had are ups and Downs and lots of flaws but we would over come them just because of the fact that we loved each other that little issues weren’t enough to finish a relationship in which out of 100% 70% you are happy. Now getting to my bottom point is it still didn’t stop him from cheating. I have learned that in men and women as well when a man or woman crosses their path sometimes
there’s no way of stopping the feeling you
get for that person. Now men and woman may
have everything they want in a relationship but sometime they need something new. So what I did when this happened to me in which till this day I’m grateful he was honest all the way about his feelings towards me and the other girl and even though we tried to work it out it
was just time to let go bottom line is what’s not meant to be isn’t meant to be. I take it as an experience and it doesn’t mean that the next man in my life is going to pay for the broken dishes on the contrary he will have all my love,respect and all that involves in showing, being in love. Just have to take it as experience and don’t break your head on what you could’ve done better or what you did wrong. Trust me someone out there will want all of you, will give everything for you!