As a parent who loves to hand out hugs, smile, and giggle with the kids, I was very disappointed to read about the Maryland school ban on hugging. The ban disallows hugging of students in the St. Mary’s County Public Elementary Schools and also bans birthday party invitations and homemade food.
They claim that birthday invitations shouldn’t be handed out because students who were not invited could have their feelings hurt. To soften the blow, the school’s PTA could develop a contact list with parents approval to distribute.
How impersonal is that for the children? When do the children get to talk with each other and development friendships? I understand not wanting to hurt a child’s feelings but is it healthy to deliver this fairy tale reality to our children that this won’t happen outside of school or in life period?
This exact thing happened to my children a couple a weeks ago. My husband and I simply stated to them, that it is that person’s choice to invite who they want to their party and to never be disappointed if for whatever reason you aren’t invited some place. The real reality of the situation is if my husband and I didn’t know the child/parent our children weren’t going anyway. But our point was to make them accountable for their own feelings and not let the fact that someone else not inviting them into their circle be a factor. We want to instill in them NOW a strong sense of self confidence and worth.
It’s unfortunate that this rule is in place in a day and time where there is so much disorder and absence of love in the homes, community, and schools. The hug at school may be the only hug that a child may receive all day. I adore the fact that I can go to my children’s school and hug a child that I can clearly see (running and charging toward me) wanting to greet me with a hug. It’s just the natural nature of a child to want to hug a person that they are happy to see.
With so many mandates in place its almost like our children have to be made to feel like the “Tin Man.” When are they able to express feelings or admiration? Or display that God given Agape love to people around them? Was thought put into how this would affect children socially and emotionally? It’s amazing what a simple heart felt embrace can do for a person. It has the power to change a person’s mood, uplift their spirit, and potentially change the coarse of their day.
There are many things and situations in the world today that cause our children to loose focus but taking away something so small but meaningful as a hug does more harm than good. I’m sure those hugs children and adults exchanged during tragic times helped them through. So why not allow children to hug when there is peace? When the sun is shining? When there isn’t breaking news? When today was a “good day”?
BMWK — Are you okay with your child being hugged at school? Do you think the hugging ban in Maryland is over thought or necessary?
Childhood is the time to learn lessons that will prepare you to be an adult. Yet more and more schools are trying to prevent children from experiencing reality. No winners or losers in sports. No events that might cause hurt feelings. And so on. Kids have no opportunity to learn how to deal with uncomfortable situations, disappointments, and hurt feelings. What is going to happen to these sheltered babies when they are suddenly thrust into the real world, where the stakes are so much higher?
I totally agree Rosemary! It’s very tough for a sheltered child when then enter the real world.
I don’t think I mind this ban as much. Especially the one regarding invitations. I think it’s very harmful to have children only pass out invitations to certain children. Yes in life there will be disappointments but if the school has the opportunity to minimize hurt feelings they should do that. I think not doing so creates tensions and can lead to other things like bullying and self esteem issues. I’m torn on the hugging ban. I think the schools intentions are good in terms of both policies. Their job is to protect children. There must have been an issue if they decided to ban hugging. Great topic and discussion.
Trying to save children from pain, disappointment and risks only makes adults who cannot deal with pain, disappointment and risks. These are unfortunate hard lessons of life and more and more adults I see are incapable of handling them. Trying to avoid pain only creates suffering, you do children a disservice when you do that.
I have kids in Mississippi school and Memphis and they are not allowed to hug or pass out anything unless they give every student is their classroom one.
I would like for these school dept’s to tell Leo F. Buscaglia Ph.D that he could not hug people. What is the reasoning behind the ban? Personal contact with admiration, I can see if the PCA is out of control. Then what are they going to say. It can get out of control, This day and age everything can, but what about the point of these could be the only hugs kids could get. What would the consequences be in the long run, as far as the invitations, when a child learns when they are young to deal with disappointments they grow to be strong, grounded and well adjusted. If you raise a child without them having them deal with issues of maybe them not being liked by someone, how are they going to handle this when they are adults. I can see the school dept.’s point of view but that doesn’t mean that it’s not going overboard.
I think the no hugging thing is pretty stupid and sounds like an overreaction to some other issue. I look at the invitation issue as a sort of unit morale kind of deal. I can see a teacher possibly saying it creates a problem in the classroom around something that isn’t really germane. There are other ways to get the invites to the kid outside of the public forum of the classroom, so I’m not as pressed about it. I think on that one, as parents we probably react more to the inconvenience of it than the kids really care about it at all.