Lately, I’ve been receiving a lot of question from women who have recently separated from their husbands. He either cheated or he didn’t understand what marriage required and doesn’t want to be married anymore. As a Christian husband, I feel compassion for these women, because they were dooped (I mean) led into a marriage by men who now don’t want to fight for the very thing they asked for. But at the same time, I truly believe that these men really meant what they said while on bended knee. But, when it came time to show-and-prove, I think they were unaware, unprepared, and/or overcome by what it actually took to fulfill their proposal’s commitment.
For you men that are just plain tired, who are fa-real considering leaving for greener pastures, who are like, “Man, eff forget her!”, hold that thought…sit down…and shut up listen for a minute before you do something stupid ill-advised. Here are 2 things you better understand about marriage in-general before you HALO-jump out of yours and into something worse.
1. Marriage Requires You to Adjust and Adapt
Whatever you don’t like about your wife, there’s going to be something that you don’t like about the side piece or rebound-chick one after her. The common denominator between your wife and your next chick is — something YOU don’t like. Loving relationships are not about finding things you like. That’s attraction…which gets you to the wedding chapel. But building a loving marriage is about being willing to adapt and adjust to what you don’t like for the benefit of your spouse.
Look…you can pick-one, dump-one, and switch-one…all day ery’ day. But if you ever want to be happily married, you’re going to have to adjust to some-one. Learn how to adapt and adjust to the things you don’t like with your current wife, because whomever you get-with after her…YOU…are going to not like something about her too. It might be different. It might even be the same. But YOU are not going to like it. And then, YOU will be right back in the same miserable position where you are now…having to learn to adapt and adjust to something YOU don’t like.
2. Marriage is God’s Refining Process
Sorry if you didn’t know this before you got married, but it is a lie…that your marriage is supposed to be easy and void of pain. Know that…marriage was purposely designed to be difficult and uncomfortable at times. Why? Because, we are all jacked-up imperfect people. And one of God’s ways of fixing us is through this little process called marriage. My wife likes to call it God’s Refining Process.
God’s Refining Process forces you to think about, deal with, consider, respect, and live with someone other than yourself.
When you were single, you did you. There wasn’t anything forcing you to adjust your ways. But the Refining Process forces you to face ‘issues’ you didn’t know you had…those you only discover during marriage. Like my selfishness. I didn’t know I was selfish until my wife of 3-months kept saying, “Why are you so selfish?” At first I denied it. But then I realized she was right. That was my opportunity to refine my selfishness and become more giving. Now, I’m not perfect…but I’m more giving than I was as a newlywed 16 years ago. Likewise, your wife’s God-given assignment is to help reveal things you thought were right…but are really wrong.
Yes! God did design marriage this way…to make you an overall better man. But if you HALO-jump out of your marriage just as you’re starting to get refined, then you’ll miss the point of being a husband. And you will retard your growth as a mature man. Worst of all, you will never be that super-hero-husband/dad that learned how lead his family through all the hell that was breaking loose. You’ll just be that guy that didn’t.
Before you give up on your marriage, get some help! Talk to another man that’s been through what you’re going through…and succeeded. Don’t holler at your boy who’s already divorced. You need someone that can tell you what to do…not what not to do.
16 years in the game…14 years in business helping Christian and non Christian couples. That’s who I am. And I’m offering free confidential relationship advice on my website HisLeadershipHerTrust.com. If you want to know how to make your marriage work, submit your question and I’ll personally email you a plan that will help you get quick results. What do you have to lose?
I wish you all the best in your fight for your marriage.
BMWK…What can men do to salvage their failing marriage?