By Marcus Whyte23
On August 29, of this year (2010), my queen and I will be married for twenty three years. As I look back on that day, I smile as I remember how my queen laughed as she told me that she could tell how nervous I was by the way I repeated my vows. She said as I spoke my vows my tone became louder and louder, this is how she came to the conclusion that I was nervous. I personally don’t believe that I was nervous at all. I was and remain the same today, confident and sure regarding the decision that I was making. I can honestly say that this statement is one of fact because I feel stronger and more assured today regarding my decision to marry”...even more than I did on my wedding day.
Thinking back I start to ponder my vows and how they have been tested and tried. What did we declare on that day before God and man? We declared to be together for richer or for poorer, for better or for worst, in sickness and in health, till death us do part. Funny but most of us only hear, receive and live half of the vows that we declared before God and man. We want our vows, or should I say we have processed in our mind that our vows are, for richer and for better, in good health until we part. The statistic on divorce backs up the above statement.
Maybe if those of us who have made our marriage work in the poorer, in the worst and through the sickness parts of our vows would stand up and loudly proclaim that marriage is a good thing, a healthy thing, a fun thing, and a sexy thing that adds value to our lives, maybe then marriage would be looked at as a good thing. Maybe marriage would look even better than living together. Something to think about as we raise our children, what example are we showing them and the world?
I married young, so at the start of my marriage I looked to other married men for guidance and mentoring. The two examples of my mentors came in the form of two of my uncles. One uncle was from my family and one uncle from my queen’s family. I chose to have these men as examples because they were no more than fifteen years old than me. Both of my uncles lived what I thought and what looked to the outside world, lives or marriages that I desired. My uncle, who was on his second marriage, was in an unhealthy marriage relationship. As a young couple looking for examples on how to communicate all I saw from my uncle’s marriage was what I did not want in my marriage. Their household offered a tense environment and more often than not, surface conversation. No touching, no loving, no real interactions between each other. Whenever I would leave their home I would think if this is marriage I may have made a mistake. Then I would go over to my wife’s uncle’s house, which by the way became our second home and example, once there we found a household filled with love. A marriage where outward examples of love flowed, and where a healthy environment generated a place where you wanted to be at and felt free to stay there forever. This healthy example of marriage came to be the one that I looked to as an example.
My marriage, life and home I pray are becoming a reflection of this same example that we received. I am one that proudly and loudly declares that marriage is a good thing, a healthy thing, and a sexy thing that adds value to my life. I make this declaration to all; your marriage can be good, healthy, and sexy with value added. It will take work and you must commit to all of your vows. You will need to follow good examples and trust them for guidance and over time hopefully your marriage will be a shinning example as well. I know that others are watching me and my marriage as an example and that’s ok, it’s all good, I love to show all what a healthy marriage looks like. Now I understand why I always feel like somebody’s watching me.
People may doubt ‘What You Say”, but they will always believe “What You Do”!
BMWK if someone is watching you what will they see?
Marcus Whyte23, is a husband and father of 2, freelance writer, Certified Life and Relationship Coach from Akron, Ohio. He is the Founder of For Healthy Marriages, whose purpose is to re-engage and educate couples on the benefits of a healthy marriage. Follow him on Facebook page or Find out more about him at https://whyte23.blogspot.com/ or Twitter @whyte23.
King James says
Congrats on 28 years and keep writing!
Kim says
People may doubt ‘What You Sayâ€, but they will always believe “What You Doâ€!
I love that saying…my best friend says that all the time. Congratulations and may God bless you with many more years of love and strength in eachother :~)
Whyte23 says
@ King James….Thanks & Thank you for the encouragement!
@ Kim, My queen ( Gloria) says that statement so much…That I’m now saying it , writing and trying to live up to it. Thank you for reading and sharing!
.-= Whyte23´s last blog ..The Game =-.
Fran says
well in the beginning folks saw what i wanted them to see a happily married newlywed couple even though we were fighting like cats and dogs. my oldest kids have seen me and my hubby go thru the fire and make it out ok on the other side. we didnt know anything about not fighting infront of the kids etc. but when we did fight infront of them we also made up infront of them. thats the only positive thing i can say about those fights. i was as two faced as you could get though when it came to my marriage because what people saw was this happy loving couple who couldnt get enough of each other company and some time that was true in the beginning but there were time when hmmmm,so when we seperated everyone was shocked but us and the kids. we didnt even do the seperation right either because my husband did not stay away. he was at my apartment everyday for breakfast and dinner, he still did everything like before except when we fought he would go to his place.
Fran says
my parents,siblings and bff would be like” this isnt a seperation but the joke of the year,yall need to grow up and either get back together or move on” my kids would agree with them. my hubby and i had lived w/o each other for over ten years so when we found each other again it was like “i am never ever letting you go again,it was the biggest mistake of my life” and so…. stubborness was the only thing holding up our seperation and finally he gave in and moved back in. and now my kids see that we have mellowed out alot/grown together since that “seperation” and my marriage is alot stronger now also. my mother told me something very profound that i keep with me. “When trying to put the rib back in Adam it may require some work,you know wiggling back and forth to get it in,even some lubricant(counseling) but that dont mean the rib bone(wife) dont fit in the rib cage(husband). if you work at it even the squeeking will stop and the seem/scar will dissapear and no one will be to see that you were ever seperated”
Ronnie says
Thanks for being an example of a healthy loving married couple and congratulations on 23 years!!! I think that when people see Lamar and me, they will also see a loving couple that are friends!!
.-= Ronnie´s last blog ..Fathers, We Still Need You =-.
Harriet says
Thank you for becoming the example that you looked to when you were younger. May that example carry on long after you and your wife are gone, and may it bless your children and their children to eternal generations!
That’s the spiritual version of me saying thanks for being such a blessing. We love you and your wife!
.-= Harriet´s last blog ..I Can’t Hear You! =-.