This weekend my wife and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary by renting a country guest house on a small piece of land in Wimberley, TX. A few short weeks ago Wimberley was devastated by the recent floods that affected Oklahoma through Texas and left Houston underwater overnight. This weekend many of the residents simultaneously told us stories of disaster and triumph in the community. They were also very glad that things were finally starting to get back to normal and very gracious to host visitors again.
Our guest house was perfect. Wild Plum Cottage is situated about 10 mins outside of Wimberley on a beautiful piece of country land complete with a decades old tractor, live chickens, fire pit and Praline, the boisterous puppy of the property.
It was perfect.
During our decade together, I have tried to make my wife’s life an interesting one. Historically, I’ve been the breadwinner, but that could change at any time. I’ve allowed my career to take us from Houston to Florida to Atlanta and back to Texas. Changes of scenery keep life interesting. It’s amazing what a change of scenery can accomplish.
Everything has a price though. And the price for constantly changing states and addresses is the lack of stability. Relationships change. Jobs change. Careers change. Money is spent. Relocating isn’t cheap. Friendships are tested. Not everyone adapts to change well.
Prior to our weekend getaway, I told my wife we could do whatever we wanted that weekend – and that includes having any conversations we need to have. How many things go unsaid or unasked in a decade of matrimony?
Sometime past midnight during our second night at the cottage while laying in bed after a full day of Wimberley exploring, a great impromptu visit from family, and a delicious meal from the Leaning Pear, I asked my wife the question I wanted an honest answer to:
“Do you regret getting married to me?”
During the noticeable pause, she glowed in the candle light before she finally said, “No. I don’t regret it……………I would just go back and start our relationship differently. To avoid many of the issues we had when we started.”
This time I was noticeably silent. I was relieved she hadn’t said ‘yes,’ but I couldn’t ignore the pregnancy in her pause. Retrospect is 20/20 they say, and I’m glad that even looking back, she would be willing to do it all again. Because as we all know, like a good restaurant, that’s how you can tell the mark of a good relationship – knowing what you know now, would you go back and eat there again?
Even if my wife wanted to go back and try a different appetizer, I’m thrilled she decided to stick around for the entree. I’m a lucky man. She keeps life interesting.
I’ll ask her again in 10 years.
BMWK – do you and your spouse ever have courageous conversations?
Thanks for sharing your personal stories and words of wisdom.
Very enlightening.
If you haven’t done so already, please consider doing a blog, or article for singles, advising them on personality traits they need for themselves, as well personality traits they should seek in Everyone they date, (if they are marriage-minded).
I’m still single myself. What I’ve noticed the root of the problem is in many relationships, and even marriages that are short lived are these 2 things: Either the person is too selfish and immature to actually have a happy, healthy, and long lasting relationship, much less a marriage, and/or they’ve unfortunately married someone who is too selfish and immature to have a happy, healthy, and long lasting marriage.
The most important things I’ve learned from my grandparents and everyone I know who has been married for over a decade is this:
“You absolutely cannot be a selfish person and expect to have a happy, healthy, and long-lasting marriage.” It ties into you mentioning servitude being one of the most important things you can do in your marriage. My grandmother told me, there is no room for selfishness within a marriage.”
I think half the battle for many singles is being the right potential marriage partner, and choosing the right potential partner.
It’s funny that selfishness underlies both of your examples of what kills relationships. And you’re correct that much of problem comes down to a person’s choice of spouse. I’ll put some thought into making more content geared toward singles, but sometimes I think I’m so far removed from that game that I don’t even know how to think like a single person any longer. Single people today have to deal with stuff like Tinder. It’s a whole new world out there. In the mean time, come check out the rest of my work on here as well as my personal blog listed in my bio. Thanks for taking the time to leave your thoughts.
Love the idea and we do have courageous conversations as well in our marriage. Every year for our anniversary, after we have celebrated we have a discussion about our past year, what we want to change the next year and any fears or issues we have that we need clear up. It can be intimidating but it has been necessary and worthwhile.
It’s amazing how many issues never arise when we apply courageous and intentional conversation designed to address the needs of both the husband and the wife. Great stuff.
Yes my husband and I have awesome honest conversations at anniversary and the beginning of the year. We call it the honesty box. It gives permission to speak freely without fear or hesitation. It’s very necessary. 9 years later we are going strong.