“Back in my day!” Those were the 4 dreadful words you used to hear from your parents or grandparents when they were about to try to tell you how much better their generation was than yours! It’s funny, though, that as you get older you start to see that maybe they were on to something. I think back at my short life and I sometimes say, when it comes to dating, love, and marriage “I want that old thing back!”
I want that old thing back
When it was “do you like me”…yes or no on the paper,
it was less confusion because wanting to be with someone didn’t come with disclaimers & waivers!
When folks spent hours on the phone getting to know each other
And it took more than 1 like, 2 Facebook Messages, and 3 texts to literally get undercover.
I want that old thing back
When love was innocent and people poured their hearts out in a written love letter
and men weren’t so cool that they had to worry about how much they “sweat her.”
When being a mistress was frowned upon instead of celebrated
and people encouraged, instead of discouraged, marriage because they are so jaded.
I want that old thing back
When men courted women because they knew she was the prize
And ladies were ladies and took some pride in who they let in between their thighs.
When men respected the women because they knew they had to answer to her father
And fathers did more than walk away as if they didn’t want to be bothered.
Wow, you’re really “bashing women” for their low standards! How about use a couple of these for men: Remembering a time when men didn’t cheat on their wives, nor did he hang around any man who would because he had standards and didn’t want to be in the company with anyone who didn’t -Remembering a time when men didn’t carry on affairs with married women and be their sidepiece- Remembering a time when men respected the word of God and didn’t have sex outside of marriage – Remembering a time when black men took their families to church to worship God – Remembering a time when black men respected black women and only dated only one women at a time and was truthful in relationships and not try to be a player/pimp to his low class friends – Remembering a time when black men had jobs instead of being thugs and drug dealers, etc…… I could go on and on… but I won’t
I hate that you feel women were being “bashed” in this article but it wasnt the purpose and I don’t see it that way. The point was to say that there are some fundamentals that we ALL need to get back to when it comes to dating, love, and marriage. Did you read the rest of the article when men were addressed as well? Sure there are a lot of things we could say about men and women alike and your points are well made but at some point both men and women must take some accountability and stop playing the blame game all the time. The reason nothing ever changes is because we spend more time trying to figure out who to blame instead of just being better and doing better. The same men that you are speaking of are the same men that women CHOOSE everyday and the same women I speak of are the same women that men CHOOSE everyday. Life is about choices and until we all stop playing victim we will stay right where we are. Thanks for reading.
Yes, I did read the entire post, my point was you’re holding women to a “higher moral standard” than men in your article- although I get your point and what you’re trying to covey to the audience and I think it’s great- so no need to get defensive- it’s just some things that you wrote about the moral behavior of women – but weren’t addressed towards men – it takes two people to have “moral standards” and not just one person in the relationship, or things will never be balanced. Sorry , I can’t help it, I’m a Analyst 🙂
Anonymous I see your point and I hope that you don’t think I was being defensive. I appreciate your words and I hope that both men and women can both walk away with a little more accountability than they started with. Men an women should uphold higher moral standards, but it all starts within us as individuals. Thanks so much for the dialogue and for reading!
Your words are very inspirational……..
I see “Anonymous'” point (especially about real men not hangin out with busta friends who don’t handle their business and take care of their commitments (wives and children), but I get the point of what you’re trying to say, Mr Spry and I love it. The post is balanced, calling all of us, men and women, to a harken back to a time of sanctity, integrity, dependability and accountability. In the end that’s all that will stand the test of time and all that will matter. We don’t respect and honor our elders who have so much hard-earned wisdom to share. Elders “forget” how to nurture instead of condemn, and how to remain flexible and teachable. God looks at eternity and orders our steps from that perspective; humans look at the beginning of a thing and don’t plan for it to end (i.e. babies grow up, puppies become dogs, homes need upkeep, etc). Life with no vision, no goals, no purpose is a slow march of death.
Finally thanks so much for reading and for your comments. I think you saw the true point of the article and what I was attempting to get across. You mentioned two key words…dependability and accountability both which are lacking. Once we get back to that things will change!
I don’t feel bashed at all. I loved that poem! It was a great way to start my day. I want that old thing back, too! I think it was very balanced. You called out the problems with both men and women in this new school era of instant gratification and lowered moral standards. Again, it was a POEM not an all inclusive ESSAY. Not meant to tackle every. single. person’s. individual. experiences. geez
Thanks Tigalilee! I made it a point to keep a balanced approach because we both as men and women play a role in building healthy relationships!
Alright now Troy! You really broke that down. Awesome article. I want all of that back too 🙁
Thanks Tiya!! Hopefully through our coaching platforms we can help bring some of those old things back!
I enjoyed this poem. I could hear it being spoken as I read it. :). Fyi- “waste” should be “waist” 🙂
Thanks Andrea and good catch on the word. I will get that changed ASAP! Appreciate it!
Loved the article. I just spoke of this to a friend today. I want that old thing back too.
Thanks! We can all get that old thing back if we set the right standards and try to better individually!
This poem was on point! I LOVE it!
Thanks Vanesha!
I loved the article completely agree with it, we have really forgotten and loss touch with how things youst to be when a husband chatished his wife when we dated and actually got to know the person we where trying to get involved with this is serious when a man took care of his kids financially with out ” Putting the white man” in there busines we have losed the real reason of how important it his to be a man and a woman and play our roles in which God has intended it to be.
As my grandmother and mom used to say in regards to standards ….it was up to the woman to hold up the forth….. Men wouldn’t be players… If women wouldn’t put up with the behavior…….men wouldn’t be doing all this if women would simply go back to being the women that our mothers and grandmothers told us to be…. But because women allow and put up with the behaviour …..men continue to act badly….
Sara it is so great to hear a woman say this. Saying this as a man is bound to get you hurt these days. I believe women have so much power and the ability to set the standard, but instead of embracing that we would rather just compete. Thanks for sharing.
Excellent article. Well written,honest and insightful. Our standards, generally speaking,have fallen. We are being compelled to accept things that were once frowned upon as the “norm these days”. We must hold ourselves and others to a higher standard.
Thank you Tony Spry. I’m with you 100%
We (men and women) will always get the treatment we “deserve” based on our own standards and what we allow another person to do or say (or not) as the case may be.
HOW PEOPLE TREAT YOU DEFINES THEM, HOW YOU RESPOND DEFINES YOU!
This is a wonderful piece and i tell you that deep inside our hearts we all long for the old days.i want to say that this writing is objective but the crux of moral standard should be placed on women in the way sara has put it because as there are weak men so are there women.women make bad choices just as men do so i want men to learn to say no even as some women easily open their legs and women say no when men go to any extent to get you having at the back of your minds that God frowns at such behaviour and there in lies lasting concequences.i hope i’m understood.
Wow! Awesome poem and so true. I want that old thing back too!
Yes!!!!!!! Give me that old thing back…. so love it! 😉
I would like the old days back as well. Single and not sure why….
Sorry I meant the crux of moral standard ‘shouldn’t’ be placed on women alone
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I thank Troy for taking the time to write these articles. We as women must understand that as a man he will speak from a man’s perspective, just as we do as women. Not that he is putting the blame on us. But if you notice who is reading and responding is mostly women. We can use what we can use for ourselves and what we can share with others use that. But one thing I would like to say is that just as men have a responsibility of setting an example as being the head of the family we need to ask ourselves who are raising these men. And what are we teaching our sons.How do we dress,talk,act and conduct ourselves. We wanted equal rights. We wanted to be able to do what the man was designed to do. To protect and provide. So in order to srep into that position we lost alot of being feminite. Because we had to be hard not only at work but also at home. Because this created the attitude make my own money I don’t need you anymore. So now the children had neither a father or mother at home. This is when we start to allow our children to be raised by the Tv. Then they learned that they had to be hard. They had to learn to take care of themselves when they should have been outside playing. They had to be locked in the house or just run wild until someone came home. We can not change the past but we can changr the future. But we must stop the blame game. We have all made bad choices but we can start to make new ones.
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