I’ve officially been married for 7 months as of December 20th. I’ll admit it hasn’t been 100% marital bliss, but I am most certainly in love with my husband. We are not only life partners but we’re also best friends. We’ve been through a lot physically, emotionally, and financially together, and I wouldn’t trade him for anything or anyone in the world. There are times when I get a little down, as I did not expect to go through the multiple hardships we’ve experienced in such a short amount of time, and I’d be lying if I said I never thought “what if.” What if I didn’t get married?
Hubby and I met young and we’re still young. We briefly broke up when I was in college and he was at his first full time job. While I was obviously devastated, I had just started to pull myself together and gather up a new focus. I ended up dropping out of college the following year for a variety of reasons, but I believe if we stayed broken up, I probably would’ve stayed in school. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming my drop-out on him. However, I would’ve used the fuel from the break up to focus 100% on school. I would’ve gave my all, and went hard on the books, putting all my free time into studying. I probably would’ve been finished by now and had my degree in public relations, and be seeking a full-time job.
If I didn’t get married, I’d more than likely still be living at home or just now seeking a place of my own. We moved in together last summer, as we were taking our relationship “to the next level,” preparing for an engagement and eventual marriage. Living at home with my family wasn’t bad and saved me a lot of money. However, when you’re the baby in the house, your family does tend to treat you as such. Not that I do a bunch of things living with my husband, but I definitely wouldn’t have had the freedom to go out when I wanted to, take unexpected trips, or have my friends over a lot.
I’ve also realized that since my husband and I got really serious in our relationship, I lost quite a few friends. There’s times when I get down about it, and there’s times when I’m okay. These weren’t associates that I’d occasionally talk to in passing, but instead, girlfriends who I hung with on a regular basis, were close with for years, and grew to love. Several have stated that once I became involved with my husband, our friendship grew strained. I do miss them and wish we would have stayed in touch.
Now do I have regrets about marrying my husband? Absolutely not. I still believe he is the best thing that has happened to me thus far. My schooling was delayed, but we’re both now going back to school, encouraging each other. It’s not easy maintaining a household but we’re doing it together, and making ends meet. It’s also a plus that we get to see each other everyday and come and go as we please (even though we’re homebodies). I certainly miss my friends but when it comes down to it, I feel I made the right decision. This is the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, who loves me unconditionally and I love him the same. In my opinion, if I lost their friendship for choosing love, I would’ve lost it another way eventually.
I’m learning this early in our marriage that there will be good times and there will be rough times. Heck, it’s in the vows! I didn’t know they’d be so soon, but I’m not running for the hills. I’m running into the arms of my spouse. These things are bringing us closer, and teaching us how to work together. Our love can’t be replaced by a degree, savings, and friends, especially when these are all things we can accomplish in our future together. I’m glad our breakup was temporary, I’m glad he asked for my hand in marriage, and I’m so glad we tied the knot. I can’t picture anyone else I’d rather go through trials and tribulations with.
BMWK, have you ever thought about how life would be different if you hadn’t gotten married? Share with us how you know you made the right choice!
Tiya says
Great post! It is completely honest. I believe in purpose in everything that happens and that we are reght where we are supposed to be. Yes, I have had that thought before and I am just so blessed. When I think about my life as not being married I am further convinced I made the right choice. While there are those days it’s not easy, but Id rather have those days with my husband than to not have him at all
Pennyj2va says
Great honesty. I’ve never thought of not being married and it’s been 17 months. God bless us all.
Apple says
You should still be elated 7 months in……..sounds like trouble in paradise to me.
Roni Idom says
Thats not true. Trouble can AND WILL come in 7 months or 7 years. It’s good that they can take the time to air out troubles early on than wait for the them to get worst because the marriage is so young. If they had the mind set that their marriage shouldn’t have issues because it’s still early, they’re be fooling themselves.
Monique Lewis says
I agree with Roni 100%. The fact of the matter is a lot of people like to live in the honeymoon phase, but it’s not always reality. My husband and I had a very rough start. Learning to live together, share money and compromise is not easy. Some people were pretending to live the married life before marriage so the stress of of it all is no longer an issue. We approached marriage from a realistic perspective. It’s not always going to be smiles and good times. When you have goals and objectives you are trying to accomplish unless you married yourself you are not always going to agree and if you have not learned the art of agreeing to disagree and meet in the middle it will only escalate. The beginning is a learning process and better to get it out the way earlier than later.
Desiree says
Great post! And I appreciate your honesty. Just was wondering if you’d found ways to reconnect with friends or if you had made new friends? It’s important to have a few good girlfriends to provide balance, encouragement and support when things get hard in marriage. Almost all of your friendships will likely go through a transition when you get married, but if all of them end, it may be good to take inventory. Above all, just make sure you have some friends in your corner who support your marriage and have your back. This is help you build an enduring marriage. God bless, Desiree http://www.thelovejourney.com
Niambi says
I agree with you in that it is important to have balance in your life. I also remember another peice of advice that was given to me from one of the married women in my church. She told me that before I get married I should “get to know myself.” If a person hasn’t done so already they should spend some time doing this. If you don’t know yourself then how can your spouse know how to deal with you. It is as if they are dealing with an immitation because the real you is who they desire. Not knowing yourself can be critical because you may get consumed by your marriage and lose your identity. One of the purposes of marriage is for your spouse to “compliment” you and not “complete” you. You should be whole as an individual and not broken, not have voids for another person to fill, and a well rounded person entering in your marriage. This is where balance is important to have as an individual and in marriage.
Niambi says
I think it is important to understand that even if you did get married, your life is not over. You can still fulfill your goals in life. You can still become the best “you” that you can be. Remember that you have a purpose in life too and your purpose needs to be realized and fulfilled. It is for this very reason that you were born…
Michelle Chaney says
I totally agree with Monique. I have been married a yr &2 months now & we are just now really experiencing that “honeymoon stage” The 1st 6m were very hard for us. Learning to live together.combine finances,households & lives. I was very idependent when I got married. It was new for me to share “all my business” with someone even if he was my husband lol. Another issue I had was submiting & letting my husband play the lead. I can’t lie a few times I was like “Did we rush or make a mistake” But we stuck it out and kept praying and trying. I am happy to say we are VERY HAPPILY MARRIED & Also in the process of adding on to our family( I have a stepson & Now we are working on adding one more child to our family) To be honest we are Happier now then we are in the beginning. !!!