Kris and Akilah Richards have been married for 11 years now. They share with us in our film, Still Standing, that they started experiencing trouble very early on in their marriage due to differences in communication styles. Experts, such as Dr. Sherry L Blake, say:
“You need to be able to communicate in the good times as well as the bad times if you want to have a successful marriage.”
If there were issues, Akilah wanted to hash them out immediately, whereas Kris was just the opposite. His approach was to take some time to gather his thoughts.
Kris equated addressing the issues with confrontation and tried to avoid dealing with issues. Akilah says that if we don’t address the issues, it most certainly will lead to confrontation. Kris began to shut down”...Akilah began to have feelings of resentment.
Over time, things were getting swept under the rug”...they were not really getting addressed. Does this sound familiar? These type of communication issues are common and often lead couples down the path to divorce. Which is where the Richards were headed until they made a decision.
At one point they considered separation, but they decided that option was not desirable. They made a conscious decision to focus on happiness in the marriage and not on who was right and who was wrong. They began to have deeper conversations with each other around “why” they were having issues.
The advice that they would give other couples that are having irreconcilable differences:
” You need to check your motives. If you are focused on being right and proving your point, you need to check that within yourself. Are you coming from a place of how do I resolve things or are you coming from a place of I’m right and he’s/she’s wrong.”
They say when you are going through a rough patch, put the end in mind. Make sure you are coming from a place of resolution. If you are trying to prove your spouse wrong, your motives may not be right.
To see more on how Kris and Akilah were able to push past this discomfort in their marriage, check out our film Still Standing which is available on DVD now.
BMWK family have you ever found yourself in this situation? What did you do to overcome it? What are the best ways that you’ve found to overcome communication issues?