I’m an educated, independent woman with earning potential of my own. As I wrote in a previous post, my father raised me to take care of my business and to be a strong woman. But, I also stated that just because I am a strong woman doesn’t mean I don’t need a man. Next to God, I need my husband.
Part 1 of what I am calling the “New Independent Woman Series” challenged us strong-willed women to acknowledge that we need the men in our lives. Part 2 goes even further and proclaims that it’s perfectly okay to stand behind your man. Here’s what I mean.
In my marriage, sometimes I stand beside my husband, shoulder to shoulder facing the world together. Sometimes I stand in front of my husband, particularly when he is tired or just needs a break. And then there are other times when I stand behind him.
It doesn’t make me weak.
It doesn’t mean I am unequal.
It doesn’t mean I’m silenced.
It doesn’t mean my husband makes all the decisions.
Where I stand has nothing to do with my worth or with my level of independence. Instead, it has everything to do with my humility and my strength as a woman. When I stand behind my man, I have the privilege of having his back. I have the responsibility to guard, to protect, and to defend my husband, my marriage, and my family from sneak attacks from behind. As the leader in our relationship, my husband watches the front line. Which means he can’t see what’s behind him.
What type of wife would I be if I refused to stand behind him, thereby leaving our marriage and family vulnerable to a from-the-back attack?
Hear me ladies: Enemies to your marriage will sneak up on you from behind. And, if you are out of position because you are arguing about who should be in the front, then you’re putting your family at risk.
It takes a strong woman to guard the back.
It takes a courageous woman to stand back to back with her husband, ready to address the issues facing her.
It takes a “new independent woman” to understand that her degree, her bank account, and her goals should be used to help hold down her family, not to inflate her ego.
When I stand behind my husband, proudly and confidently, I assure him that I have his back. Who else should be in that position if not his wife?
BMWK family, where do you “stand” in your marriage?
Hello Dr. Michelle! Thank you for sharing this. I am learning what it means to be an independent woman who appreciates and does not devalue your spouse and how to have balance in the role of being a wife.
Hello Niambi,
Balance is key. Thanks for sharing that.
Very nice. This accurately describes what it is to submit to each other when it matters most. There are some of us as husbands that tend to feel threatened by a strong woman who takes this proper role, instead of praising God for her. I love my wife for this. Strong women of God can still be a pillar even when in submission to the spiritual authority that God has placed in her husband.
Very true. Thanks for sharing that.
Beautifully written =)
Thanks so much.
Excellent…what a wonderful word for women to gain understanding of the importance of a helpmeet! Submission is/can be beautiful… I take comfort in my position and the position that God entrusted to my husband. When we submit to God and to our husbands, God is glorified and our husbands are able to be the physical authority that God intended.
Thanks Dr. Michelle for your great wisdom and great writing!
Oh how vital this article is! Being a strong independent woman myself, it is very difficult to “relinquish” the role of being “the one” to do everything. Also difficult in compromising as well as accepting his decision especially if I totally disagree. I am so looking forward to this series! thanks for writing about it!
‘Independent’ is code in the black community for pig-headed and unyielding. I despise that term. A REAL WOMAN does not need to proclaim that she is strong, she just is. A REAL WOMAN will support her husband lovingly and not compete with him. A ship cannot have two captains. Over 75% of black women in America are single for this very reason, being PIGHEADED but claiming they are being independent. Sorry ladies, you are left in the dust by black men because they are sick of your crap.
Preach sister!!! That’s church right there!!!
Another great article Dr. Michelle! I am reading and receiving so many awesome messages in preparation for my next role-wife! Thank you.