Things have been difficult in the Jefferson household lately, as my transition to being a work-at-home mom after a layoff hasn’t gone as well as I’d like. I’m constantly stressed about money, my inability to keep the house clean, and whether or not I’m spending enough time with my kids as I try to manage my workload.
Every day, when my husband comes home, I try my best to give him the space he needs to unwind after the office. But more often than not, there is something I could use his immediate assistance with: Could he please grab the rolls out the oven while I take our son upstairs to get a new shirt? Could he clean up the applesauce the kids spilled earlier while I finish dinner? Could he grab at least one of these kids and get them out of my hair long enough for me to take a breath?
Like a champ, he’ll jump right in and wipe up spills or set the table or wrestle with the kids on the floor while I go to the bathroom in peace. When I’m stressing out my freelance payments coming late, or doubting my abilities to really make it big without a NYC zip code, he’s right there to give me the “Girl, you got this” pep talk, even if he just gave me the same speech the day before.
When I think about our wedding day, as I stood there pledging those vows, I didn’t quite realize what I was getting myself into. I didn’t understand the magnitude of the day.
Now, I realize – THIS is why I got married. To have that person be there when you don’t quite believe in yourself. To lean on when you are weak. To complement you in ways you didn’t anticipate.
We fit together in a way that becomes more and more apparent with each passing day. I’m really glad we chose each other. He knows what I don’t. He’s calm when I’m not. He’s logical while I’m fiery. We fit. I asked him, jokingly, last week why he puts up with my mess. He laughed and said, “Yeah, you’re a mess, but you’re my mess.”
I admit that being married to me isn’t always fun. I’m picky, sarcastic and I have an unrelenting ambition that makes it very hard for me to simply enjoy the here and now. I have my issues and I’m working on me, one day at a time. But he never ever throws my flaws in face, and instead loves me as I am. That is something so beautiful about our marriage that I try to cherish every day.
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer, blogger and PR professional living in Ohio with her husband and two kids. She’s managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.
This, to me…is the beauty of marriage summed up to a tee. It’s not always easy, but the benefits far outweigh the costs. The reward for putting in such hard work into marriage is evident in those moments when you’re at you’re absolute worst…and your spouse loves you all the same. Great post!
Yes, what you and Amber said!
This is absolutely beautiful. I’m not married, but when I get married, I want to feel something like THIS POST. I love that you keep it real by saying it’s not always fun for you and when you’re stressing around dinner time, he comes in like a champ. And I am sure if I were to ask him, he’d say great things like that about you — a true partnership. LOVE IT!
You may not have a NYC zip code, but you are a gifted writer and your work speaks for itself. Each and every time. It’s hard to read your words and NOT feel something — it’s THAT powerful.
Yeah what I think too
Alicia said it perfectly.. Tara you have a gift…and thanks for sharing and being a positive example.
what Alicia said!! i can only pray that i’ll find my match one day, but until then, i’m loving reading about yours, Tara 🙂
I love it!
Wow sounds like u need some r/r with your hubby. Well I think u should try to take everyday a step at a time and breath. Decide on what u think is best and b strong about your decision. U will do fine
Great post and I am so pleased to hear that there are others that has the same feeling, pressures in their lives….my spouse is understanding and always there when I need him….when I am upset he is calm and loves me and I loves him….we have our moments but he sure does know how to jump in make matters better, such a massage or even running a nice warm bath water for me or having dinner ready for me….this is definelty what marriage is all about with children and working…..thank you for sharing your story….it really helps when you know there are others that feels or have the same experience you are dealing with….
Have a bless day.
Tara.. I dont really think you’re that good of a writer.. actually I’ll tell you why.
Just messing. 🙂
But we all need some haters right? To motivate us in a way our supporters cant?
lol I support you. Nice post too.
good stuff… –> “Now, I realize – THIS is why I got married. To have that person be there when you dont quite believe in yourself. To lean on when you are weak. To complement you in ways you didnt anticipate.”
Man, I was ready to fight you! Like, “You don’t like what I’m writing?! Let me tell you a thing or two…” LOL!
Thanks for your kind words. 🙂
We have been married 44 years, and I must say that your post today brought back memories of similar days for us through the years. The most important part is that each of you must continue to help one another become all you can be. Thanks for sharing your reality. I have only two things to say in response.
1. You know it’s right when you complement each other in the ways that you have shared.
2. It gets better as the years go by!
Roger
Very nice post Tara! I so needed to read this today. Its been one of those dry weeks in marriage but this reminded me of why i got married as well. Thanks!
Just like your husband, I am proud of you Tara. You are making it happen, no matter what obstacles come your way. That is a shining example to you kids. You are a great mom.
This is beautiful! So sweet. 🙂
WOW, Tara this is an exceptional read. I can really relate to this as my wife goes through the exact same thing, as she is now a stay home mom/wife. I really try to step in as much as I can, however my job keeps me away from home at odd hours becaause I work for the railroad. She contantly express to me how hard it is to clean, wash clothes, her work she does from home, spend time with the kids, be a loving wife, etc, etc. I express to her how proud I am of her and no one could ever take her place. We have two daughters and by nature, they go to her first with all their little problems. Kudos to your husband for being “Johnny on the Spot” when you need him. It gets better in time and just continue to do what you do, and everything you want will come to fruition.
WOW, Tara this is an exceptional read. I can really relate to this as my wife goes through the exact same thing, as she is now a stay home mom/wife. I really try to step in as much as I can, however my job keeps me away from home at odd hours becaause I work for the railroad. She contantly express to me how hard it is to clean, wash clothes, her work she does from home, spend time with the kids, be a loving wife, etc, etc. I express to her how proud I am of her and no one could ever take her place. We have two daughters and by nature, they go to her first with all their little problems. Kudos to your husband for being “Johnny on the Spot” when you need him. It gets better in time and just continue to do what you do, and everything you want will come to fruition.
Love it!u00a0 This is exactly how I feel about the ribDonor!u00a0 🙂
So jealous. I can’t wait until this is me.
“Now, I realize – THIS is why I got married. To have that person be there when you dont quite believe in yourself. To lean on when you are weak. To complement you in ways you didnt anticipate.” — This is what I am talking about! I am in the process of going back to work after being a stay at home mom for 2 years after a layoff. Hubby has been so supportive of me even when I come home and say I am just going to take a nap and crash for hours. We will celebrate 20 years next year and I am thankful to God for every one of them!!
I feel the same about my husband! Thanking God for putting us together…we just fit 🙂
I love the transparency of this Post. It is so dead, right, spot ON!!! Keep doing what your doing.
Just read this and had to wonder if you had a looking glass into my life since I returned to school to complete my degree. Article brought tears to my eyes because you captured every feeling I have had since I embarked on this journey. Love it!
I totally understand where you are coming from, and I believe I happened upon this article for a reason. My husband and I are in a similar situation. I was laid off 2 and a half years ago, and with that, I returned to school. The financial weight of our house hold is on my husband’s shoulders, however, we have been extremely blessed. Your article made me realize I just may need to say thanks more often for the small things like listening to my mess as soon as he walks through the door. THANK YOU!!