by Aja Dorsey Jackson
Now that our youngest child’s second birthday is fast approaching, I keep getting asked the same question: “So when are you going to have the next one?”
The answer: Never. Never ever ever. At least if I have anything at all to do with it.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids. I feel so fortunate to have been blessed with two healthy, intelligent, beautiful children. But I don’t have the tiniest twinge of a desire to be blessed with another. So my husband and I have begun discussing permanent birth control solutions like tubal ligation or vasectomy.
When I say this people ask, “What if you change your mind?” If I change my mind please note that at that point I must have lost it and have no business having a baby anyway. Seriously though, I can’t think of one good reason to have another child. I have a boy and a girl meaning there’s no need to try for a child of a different sex. Financially I feel like two is about all that we can support. And mentally and physically I feel like I have my hands full.
On the other hand I have several reasons why having another child would be a bad idea:
The age gap There is a nine year age difference between my daughter and my son meaning that even if I were to get pregnant at this moment there would be an almost 12 year age difference between my daughter and the next one. I don’t want to be sending one off to college while the other is starting first grade.
Pregnancy I hated every minute of my second pregnancy. I was blessed that it was problem-free, but I could not wait for those nine months to be over so that I could get back to regular me, and I’m sure my husband couldn’t either. Between my pregnancy and the first year of babyhood, I feel like I was less than a fully functioning individual for two years of our marriage before I got back to being regular me. Regular me I like. Crazy, hormonal, pregnant me”...not so much.
Empty Nester At 30, I’ve already been raising kids for ten years and by the time my son graduates from high school, I will have spent almost 30 years raising kids. My husband and I will be in our mid-forties and will be able to enjoy some vacations alone, happy hours and grown-up furniture. I don’t want to have another little one coming up behind him delaying the start of my grown-up life.
There are plenty of parents that can handle five or six children well, but that just is not us. In between the times that they’re driving me crazy, I love having just my toddler and my pre-teen. Two is our magic number and I’m ready to put in writing that our family is complete.
Have you decided that your family is complete? How did you know that it was time?
Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and public relations consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. Find out more about her at www.ajadorseyjackson.com or follow her on twitter @ajajackson.
Lauren says
I love this! These are my some of my reasons for thinking my family is complete, however we have 2 boys, so now my husband wants to try for a girl……
Nadia says
My husband and I have been trying for the last 3 yrs to have another child. Recently I have given up as i decided it is time to improve my career . I am still hopeful . But we would try for the 2nd , Gods willing next four yrs .
GeeGee4 says
Girl, my factory shut down 7yrs ago after my fourth child was born. 🙂 I have three girls (15,13,11) Lord help me!! LOL My son is 7. I will be done with the chicks in my forties but the boy will introduce me to my fifties. So my part two life wont start until then….God Blessings on you Nadia, I hope God gives you and your husband the desires of your heart….
Funkidivagirl says
I regretted not having a 3rd child. My life was pretty hectic for awhile and when it finally calmed down my youngest was 6 years old. My two kids are already 6.5 years apart, so I didn’t want such a big gap again. And my husband was dead set against having another child because he likes being able to go out as a couple every now and then.
Andrea says
My husband on our first date said he wanted 2 boys…I thought I was infertile. 6 yrs later…say Hello to ou beautiful daughter…then 4.5 yrs after that…Welcome baby boy….so blessed…why mess with perfection…we are oficially a family of 4
cinta says
I feel you sista. I got my tubes tied at twenty-three and that was the best decision i have ever made no regrets. Three wonderful chidren and that’s enough for me.
mrsward says
Excellent article. As a married couple we already had children when we met. We were almost 40 and this is a first marriage for both of us. But, together we already had 8 children and a grandbaby on the way. We struggled with the decision to have a baby. However after a year of discussion we realize that we would love to enjoy some of our “adult” life enjoying each other, traveling without babysitter worries and enjoying grandchildren. Sometimes we wonder if we’ll change our minds when one of our other loved ones has a baby and we become overjoyed with new baby items and cute pics…..but then we realize EIGHT is enough!
Diane Alvarez says
I am a happy mother of 4. I have 2 girls and 2 boys, beautiful, difficult, challenging, fun kids. I believe that each family is made to have a certain family size…. I am blessed that I have a wonderful husband that supports, I come from a close knit family with 6 siblings. After each child, I said verbally that was the last one but my destiny was in the Lord’s hands…. He saw fit to give me 4 children and I embrace that challenge everyday. Yes, I would say4 is a handful but it is also a hearful… so much love…. Only you know when enough is enough and even then HE will decide. Be blessed!
Julia d. says
My husband and I have a 2 year old boy and I’m pregnant with a little girl who due to ‘arrive’ this December. And then we’re done.
For all of the same reasons you mentioned: our financial, mental and physical hands will be full. And I’d still like to be young and energetic once they grow up and stop needing (as much of) my money 😉
I love our son and I’m so excited about our little girl, but in our world 2 is enough 🙂
jaded stranger says
@Diane AlvarezThe fertilization and growth of an egg is pure chemistry; god is not involved 1%. If you think that four kids is enough, don’t be a dumbass and put your reproductive future “In the Lord’s hands.” Do you really want to be a mother for your entire life??